Catching up with the ever-busy D-lister, who told Lance Bass not to trust Reichen, calls Owen Wilson a "'man whore' and wants to date Anderson Cooper

MEMORIAL-DAY HEROINE: Last season’s “My Life on the D-List” showed Griffin’s trip to Iraq when she performed for U.S. troops. She says its unconscionable that G.W. Bush has never attended the funeral of a fallen American soldier.

One should never turn down the opportunity to interview Kathy Griffin. Whether she's talking trash about Lindsey Lohan's dee-jaying skills or re-enacting a panty-less Paris Hilton getting out of a car, Griffin makes comedy look effortlessly funny.

Right now, her career is hotter than ever. And it seems she never stops working. Next week, Bravo will air a new comedy concert, "Everyone Can Suck It," which will be followed by the premiere of the third season of her reality show, "My Life on the D-List." Whether she appears on "Larry King Live" or is co-hosting "The View," it seems Griffin is a natural at live-TV.

And she's preparing for a busy summer, which includes three-city tour of Texas: Tickets for her July 21 performance in Fort Worth just went on sale, and that's why Griffin ended up phoning the Dallas Voice offices this week.

Griffin hardly needs an introduction. But just to catch you up on recent events: Her beloved father, John Griffin, a hilarious "Life on the D-List" scene-stealer, passed away on Feb 17, eight days after the death of Anna Nicole Smith.

Also, Griffin is a close friend of erstwhile boy-band star Lance Bass, who came out last year after he started dating reality-TV luminary Reichen Lehmkuhl. After a brief honeymoon, the couple parted ways when Lehmkuhl was busted for hooking up with gay "Real World: Denver" cast member, Davis.

Griffin only had 10 minutes to chat. Here are some highlights from our discussion.


Does it bum you out when fans tell you how sad they were to hear that your dad died?
No. In fact, quite the opposite. I found out when I had just got off a plane to go do Rosie's cruise. My cell phone had all these messages, which to me is always a bad sign. Usually I get off a plane and my cell phone has maybe one message. So I was like, "Uh-oh."
My sister told me. And then you get into that whole thing, "Who am I going to call?" And "Do I have to call this relative?"
Actually, Rosie put it on her blog right away, which was very helpful. Because then I started receiving tons of messages on my Web site. And believe it or not, it really made my mom feel good to read all the nice things people had to say.
It's funny, people would come up to me and they'll say, "I feel like I really knew your dad." And I say, "You did." Because the show did a great job at capturing him exactly the way he was: very charming and very sweet. So I'm actually grateful that there's a record of him right before he got really ill. It's nice to have it.

Was your father's death overshadowed by Anna Nicole's?
What's funny is that it was the same exact time. I had conversations with my dad, and I would say, "You're going to knock Anna Nicole Smith right off "'Access Hollywood.'" That made him laugh. Or I'd visit him and say, "Dad, I know you're not feeling well, but I cannot get over this Anna Nicole Smith thing."
That was funny, too. My dad that's where I get it.

We're getting ready to observe Memorial Day. You're one of the few celebrities whose actually entertained U.S. troops in Iraq. George Bush will probably move to Dallas after his presidency. And he's never attended the funeral of a fallen soldier who had served in Iraq.
Isn't that unconscionable? It's one reason why I'm disappointed that Rosie is leaving "The View." There's no other place to go in daytime TV where you can see women talking about something like that. I really hate all the shit Rosie has taken. I was talking to a friend of mine who's a big-time reporter. And I asked why are people gunning for Rosie so much. And she said it's because she's a fat lesbian.
And you know what? That's it because guys don't want to fuck her.

I can't think of anyone else who's railing about the war and getting such huge ratings.
I have no faith in corporations. ABC is owned by Disney. I've never known a corporation who has increased revenue so much by someone and then somehow didn't make it work. I know it was Rosie's choice to leave, but if I ran ABC, I would be like, "Name your price."
I hardly ever watched the show until Rosie came on. You need a woman at 10 a.m. who'll say, "Doesn't it bother you that George Bush has never once gone to the funeral of a fallen soldier?"
I don't want to hear about baby booties every morning. I want talk show hosts to talk about real shit. I know Rosie is very much ready to leave, and I know there's no way that she would extend her contract. But I hope whomever they put in there, she isn't afraid to talk about that stuff.

SET YOUR DVR: On Saturday and Tuesday, bravo airs “Allegedly,” which until now was only available on DVD. May 26 at 5 p.m. and May 29 at 9 p.m. On June 5, Bravo airs her newest concert, “Everyone Can Suck It” at 8 p.m. followed by the premiere of the new season of “My Life on the D-List” at 9 p.m.

Well your name is on the list of Rosie' replacements.
I am on the list. In fact, I'm co-hosting again in two days. But let me tell you, I have no idea if they're going to look for somebody who's all warm and fuzzy or they want someone who'll stir things up. I'm nervous that they didn't come to an agreement with Rosie. I don't understand. The public could not have spoken louder or clearer that they want someone who's not afraid to talk about stuff.

Hey, how about some dirt regarding the Lance Bass-Reichen breakup? What did your radar say about Reichen?
I called it. I told Lance that Reichen was an opportunist and that I didn't like him. I love that Lance Bass. I've known Lance since he and Justin Timberlake were teenagers. I told Lance, "I know Reichen is gorgeous, but I don't like him. First he was on a reality show, now he's with you. Something's not right."

Were you there to wipe Lance's tears?
I did wipe his tears. Before the break up, I had also hung out with both of them their house. I don't think Reichen is evil or a mean guy, but something about it smelled funny.
Here's the thing. Lance came out fairly late like 27. It was very difficult for him. He had a lot of problems with his Southern Baptist family.
I'm protective of him because I want him to do what makes him happy. And frankly, if he wants to go bang this guy or that guy, that's fine with me. And if he wants to find a husband and settle down and adopt children, that's fine with me, too. But I don't want to see anyone cheat on my friend or fuck him over.
Lance is a real sweetheart. I hope he does very well as an out gay person. But frankly, I don't think that's so easy. I think it's very easy to say, "Oh, coming out has never affected anyone." Yeah? Go tell that to Rupert Everett.
I think Lance is one of those people who's going to show us how it goes once you publicly come out.

The last time we spoke, was in June. Back then, you said you weren't going to bash George Michael that he owned up to his ridiculous behavior. Since then, things got more interesting. Now George is saying he's leaving England, which leaves people thinking he'll be hanging out in Dallas more often.
I love that song "Father Figure." I love all of his music. Sometimes our gays stumble, and we have to be there for him.
Now, I don't know he may have a girlfriend named Crystal. I don't know. It seems he may have dependency issues on certain things. But I'll take him. George can even move into my house. But he can't borrow my car, you understand. He'll have to go on a probationary period. I'm such a fan of his, and he's still a good singer. He still has a great voice. Sometimes our gays have problems.

Leading such a star-studded life, have you ever crossed paths with Wilson brothers, who sometimes call Dallas home?
Luke had crush on my friend Laura Silverman, Sarah's sister. Apparently he asked Jimmy Kimmel, "Hey, what's going on with Laura?"
Then three weeks later, he was completely linked to some new girl. Now Laura is making jokes that Luke is cheating on her.
I don't know about Owen. To me, there's something about him that looks a little disease riddled. I'm going to use the word "whore." He seems like a man-whore. And I worry for that little Kate Hudson.

Another North Texas-based sibling duo: the Simpson sisters.
Perfect. I love that Jessica Simpson, and here's why. I've known Jessica since we did a charity gig seven years ago. I don't know Ashley, unless she was running around the dressing room as a 12 year old. But I know Jessica. And I know her parents: The mom I like, but that dad is a fucking weirdo.
But Jessica is very professional. I have a soft spot for all those girls the Christinas and the Britneys. When they were 12, they were out on the road 20 nights a year, supporting their crazy white-trash families. Those kids have a work ethic that you'd never see in one of those assholes they feature on "My Super-Sweet 16."
I love Jessica because she's a real hard worker. And she laughs at my jokes. She came up to me and said, "I hope you know I would never be mad if you ever said anything about me in your act. I think you're hilarious."
I just love any celebrity who says that to me because very few of them feel that way. Very few.

Back to Luke Wilson and telling talk show hosts whom you want to date. What's up with you telling Larry King you want to date Anderson Cooper?
Is there a problem?

So you don't have a gaydar reading on Anderson?
What I have to say about Anderson Cooper is that he's a very handsome man, and I'm very attracted to him.

So being gay wouldn't be a deal-breaker for you?
[Repeating in monotone] All I'm saying, he's very handsome, and I'm very attracted to him.

Wow, what do you have in the works with Anderson Cooper? Is he doing a big special on you and you can't publicly dis him?
First of all, I love that you'd think for one minute, that I would ever have a special unless it's me telling pussy jokes about Whitney Houston. Like I'm going to be the subject of a "CNN Presents." Puh-leeze.
Although! You know, I somehow got in the fucking Larry King posse.

Yeah, at his big 50th birthday bash, you were the hot chick.
That's right. I was the sex object on that and the youngest person on the panel. I have no idea why, but Larry King likes me. In fact they've asked me to substitute for Larry.
And speaking of substitute, I have to get off the phone. I've got to do a pre-interview for my gig on "The View" this week.

Before you go, what are you doing over Memorial Day weekend?
I'm working: Atlantic City and Connecticut. Two shows on Saturday and one on Sunday. I'm always working.


KATHY DOES FORT WORTH

Until last summer, Griffin hadn't performed in Dallas in more than six years. When she played the Meyerson Symphony Center in June 2006, the gig sold out.

On July 21, she performs at Fort Worth's Bass Hall, 525 Commerce St.
8 p.m. $32.50-$100.

Advance tickets recommended.

817-212-4280.


This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition, May 25, 2007.