10 years ago, a Dallas couple launched Butch-Femme.com. Now they're toasting a decade of successful queer networking

WHO’S FIERCE, AND WHO’S MUSHY? During the Butch-Femme anniversary bash weekend, Dallas webmasters Christine, left, and Rhon Drinkwater plan to renew their marriage vows next Saturday. (DANIEL A. KUSNER/Dallas Voice)

Picture K.D. Lang getting a straight-razor shave from Cindy Crawford. Or Gina Gershon plumbing the depths of Jennifer Tilly's P-trap.

Those are two mainstream and smoking-hot examples of the butch-femme mystique. But defining these labels is like "nailing down Jell-O," Rhon Drinkwater explains.

She's right.

Earlier this week, Drinkwater and her wife, Christine, tried to explain the differences between "butch" and "femme," but the terms are not mutually exclusive.

Some "stone butch" women are so sentimental, they cry like babies. Rhon, who looks like she could stare down the Hell's Angles, says she proposed to her wife at the top of the Eiffel Tower. How mushy is that?

"That's chivalrous," Christine says, as she tosses her head, making her long, silky tresses fall across her shoulder.

Christine identifies as "high femme," but she's no housewife. Christine is a fierce engineer who works in cellular communications.

While there are plenty of tags to bat around "daddy," "girl," slut," "boi," "fag butch," "andro dyke" "stud" the butch-femme ethos is all about the embracing the hippie-dippy pursuit of "being who you are," Rhon explains.

And that's why this Lakewood couple started Butch-Femme.com 10 years ago.

The Web site is an international networking tool where butches can meet femmes and vice versa. Some couples leap across state lines and oceans to move in together. The site also contains a goldmine of essays, history and cultural critiques about butch-femme culture.

Christine also explains that butch-femme isn't really embraced by mainstream lesbian culture and that lesbian culture is actually rather androgynous compared to the butch-femme scene.

"Butch-femme is closer to heterosexuality than homosexuality," she explains.

Rhon says that most butches and femmes identify as "queer" rather than "lesbian."

Over the past 10 years, Butch-Femme.com has held annual bashes where active members get together in other cities for a weekend wingding. They've held bashes in Provincetown, Las Vegas, New Orleans, Baltimore and Las Vegas. But this is the first year they're celebrating in their hometown. The Drinkwaters expect at least 300 attendees with only a handful of members who live in the Metroplex. And on Saturday, the Drinkwaters will renew those vows that began with that proposal at the Eiffel Tower.


APPLYING LABELS

If you're undecided about identifying as either butch or femme, the Drinkwaters crafted a list molded in the Jeff Foxworthy tradition.

You might be a femme if

Your stiletto doubles as a fashion statement and a weapon.

You can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never break a nail.

If the makeup artists at the MAC counter know you by your first name.

And you know the MAC counter is not a fast food reference.

Your idea of sports is taking a victory lap around Neiman Marcus after scoring the best sale item in the store.

You can make a butch stop in her tracks with a flick of your eyes.

You might be a butch if

At least one of your wallets has a chain attached.

You get excited at the Home Depot looking at hardware.

You can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and not care about your nails.

Your idea of spring cleaning is washing the truck.

You can melt a femme's heart with glance.


BUTCH-FEMME AGENDA

Thursday Aug. 30
Meet and Greet at the Warwick Melrose Hotel Dallas, 3015 Oak Lawn Ave. Foyer and Library Bar. 5 p.m.-9 p.m.

Friday Aug. 31
Daytime excursions include a "femme-worthy" shopping jaunt to Sam Moon Center on Harry Hines Boulevard and an afternoon of museum-hopping: The Women's Museum, the African-American Museum the Sixth Floor Museum. Butch-bonding activities include hanging out JR.'s Bar & Grill for burgers and pool.
Slut Night at Buddies II, 4025 Maple Ave. at 7 p.m. A private party where femmes break out bustiers, corsets and feather boas, while butches often pack, don suits and ties and flatten their breasts. Guests enjoy the Divas and Studs Burlesque Show, with a performance by Rosie Lugosi the Vampire Queen, pictured, and hosted by Bubblinsugare.

Saturday Sept. 1
Coffee Talk at Buli, 3908 Cedar Springs Road. 10 a.m.-noon
Wedding at the Melrose Hotel. The Drinkwaters renew vows in a traditional marriage ceremony. 6:30 p.m.-7 p.m.
B-F.com Grand Ball. Like a queer prom at the Melrose Hotel, from 8 p.m.-1 a.m.

Sunday Sept. 2
Texas-Sized farewell Bar-B-Que at Buddies II. 3 p.m.-6 p.m.
Gender Trash Karaoke at Buddies II. 7 p.m.-10 p.m.
Sign up at Butch-Femme.com. No individual tickets sold. Entrance fee: $135 for the whole weekend.



This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 24, 2007