Perez Hilton is coming to Dallas, promising his House of Blues gig will suck. Say whatever you want about him or his deliciously detestable gossip blog, Perez only wants to y'all to keep reading. Here are 15 minutes about Castro, Wentworth and Owen

GO AHEAD, HATE ME: Perez Hilton — closet rattler, political wonk, star fucker, backstabber, flamethrower and one of the savviest gays ruling the Internet.

He's a schizophrenic riddle. Somewhere inside Perez Hilton lurks a gay dude named Mario Lavandeira. But it's safe to say that right now, Perez Hilton is so self-absorbed that Mario barely exists.

It was recently announced that the Internet's most notorious rumormonger is headed to Big D on Sept. 14. Scheduling an interview had to be done sooner rather than later. Perez was available for a phone call last Sunday afternoon, but after that, there's no telling. Busy with his constantly updated Web site, Hilton is also currently shooting a new TV show "Perez Says," which debuts Sept. 11 on VH1.

Nothing is worse than cold gossip, which is why Dallas Voice is running this interview two weeks in advance.

Since Aug. 17, Perez has sent the global media and all of Cuba into a tizzy. That's when he began insisting that President Fidel Castro is dead. As of Sunday afternoon, his entries alone sparked at least 500 news stories. And it seems even Cuban officials are worried releasing a very Photoshopped-looking photo of Fidel reading a newspaper headline about his own death.

Fidel Castro

Either the Castro story will be his biggest scoop or it will be the first story Perez would have to admit was false. Either way, Perez Hilton is already a major force to contend with, and his self-proclaimed nickname, "Queen of All Media," could eventually evolve into undeniable fact.


Howdy. Is this Perez Hilton or am I speaking with Mario? It's Perez.

Are Perez and Mario the same person? No.

Tell me Perez, what's Mario like? Uhhh, this is a weird way to begin an interview.

I was just wondering whom I was talking to. You're talking to Baby Jane. Because Perez and Mario have blurred. They've both become one.

Historically, is this the most important moment in your life? No. I think my birth was.

Wait, when was Perez Hilton born? Perez Hilton was born in December of 2004.

The "Castro Is Dead" announcement seems like a big departure from your other content. It's not a huge departure. I write about politics at least once or twice a week. Whatever interests me, I'll mention. There's a whole politics category.

Is your latest Castro story the biggest political entry that's caught fire? Well, yeah. Many people still don't believe me. I would not have gone with it unless I had really good sources. And the latest is they sent out an essay that Castro allegedly wrote this weekend. But anyone could have written it. The only way to prove once and for all that he's still alive is to parade him around. But that won't happen because he's dead.

Have you ever been wrong before? No. You can browse through my exclusive category on the left hand side of the Web site. Jump to the "Star Seeker" function, and go through the categories. Scroll through them, you'll see that I'm right all the time.

You say your accuracy is infallible. But how sure are you that Castro is dead would you bet on it? Yes.

If he's not dead and you're wrong, would you consider shutting down your site for two days? No. I could never shut down my site. I would do something else. I wouldn't shut down my Web site for two days.

What would you do? Nothing. Even People magazine is occasionally wrong.

But if you were wrong about Castro, it would be big deal, right? It would be my only untrue one. For being in business for three years, being wrong once is an amazing track record that's if I am wrong.

Now you're on tour. But what exactly will you be doing at your Dallas appearance? Hopefully, I will be meeting a lot of my readers.

How does the gig go down? You show up and people show up. But will you be onstage? Is there a mike? Are you talking? It depends. Each one is different. Whatever they want me to do, really.

Who are "they?" The venue and the promoters who are bringing me out. It's not really a tour. It's just an appearance that I'm doing.

Why should people slap themselves silly if they miss your Dallas gig?
They shouldn't. I tell people to expect that it will suck. Then you'll be pleasantly pleased.

What have you ever offered up at these personal gigs? Just my presence. It's a gig. I get paid to show up.

For the past two years, Dallas is where one of your biggest targets has been working. I'm talking about Wentworth Miller. Yep.

Wentworth Miller

Any stringers reported dish about Wentworth's goings on in Dallas? Nothing specifically related to Dallas other than sightings, like, at Starbucks.

Can you explain why outing is so viscerally important to you?
I don't consider it outing. I consider it reporting. I am not speculating that Wentworth Miller is gay. I know Wentworth Miller is gay. One of my best friends dated Wentworth Miller. I know the person he's currently dating. I believe in equality. I'm not going to discriminate against gay and lesbian people because mainstream heterosexual society tells me that I should.
John Mayer is currently having a secret relationship with Cameron Diaz. US Weekly and People magazine everyone is talking about it. So why is it okay for me to talk about John Mayer's secret relationship with Cameron Diaz but it's not OK for me to talk about Wentworth Miller's secret relationship with Luke McFarlane? Because there's still a lot of internalized homophobia in this country. There's still a lot of homophobic people who still think that being openly gay will hurt your career. And that's not true.

It's not like you're saying you banged Wentworth Miller. This is the same grapevine that says Richard Gere had gerbils pulled out of his ass. No this is first person. One of my best friends dated Wentworth for a long time.

Okay, did you hang out with them as a romantic couple? Did you witness public displays of affection between Wentworth and your friend? No because he's always been closeted. He would never be that public with my friend. But they still had a relationship.

Does being closeted represent hypocrisy to you? No. It represents fear. Obviously, he still has this fear that it will hurt his career which I think is an unfounded fear.

What about people pleading The Fifth? That's fine. That's their choice.
I talk about Jodie Foster being a lesbian all the time. And in the new issue of More Magazine, the September edition, she had the opportunity to discuss her homosexuality, and she didn't. That's fine. Whatever. I would ideally prefer if she did. But it's her choice. No one is forcing her to come out. I've said she's a lesbian over and over again, and that has not made her admit it. So it's still her choice.

Sean Hayes

Would you ever rattle the closet doors of Missy Elliot or Sean Hayes? I've already said that Missy Elliot is a lesbian. And I've already said that Sean Hayes is a lesbian I mean a homosexual. [Laughs] Sorry.

It's weird. Rattling Missy and Sean's closet doors never seems to catch fire. Does that mesh with you cultural barometer why Sean Hayes always seems to get a free pass. Not by me. He's gay. I know people who work for him. I know people who have worked for him. He has a partner.

Do you respect when people plead The Fifth? I respect it. But do I agree with it? No.

How about an update on some Dallas-based artists: The Simpson sisters. Do you find anything interesting about Jessica Simpson's career like her work? What's interesting is that she and her father brilliantly created a multi-million-dollar-a year brand. Who cares if her albums don't do well? Who cares if her movies don't do well? She's got her extensions line, her bag line, her new swimwear line, and her lingerie line coming out. They achieved their goal of making her famous and making her a lot of money. And kudos to them.

Do appreciate anything about Jessica Simpson's work Yeah. When it was on the air, I did enjoy "Newlyweds." I do enjoy some of her music.

Jessica Simpson

Sophie's choice: Ashley or Jessica? Probably Ashley. Because she's dating Pete Wentz, who's a pal of mine.

Another sibling duo the Wilson brothers. Anything crop on your radar. Yes. I just wrote about Owen Wilson. He was rushed to the emergency room in Los Angeles today for an alleged drug overdose.

Wow. What was his poison? I don't know. I didn't do the reporting on that. The National Enquirer and The Star broke that story.

Are you insulted when people make comparisons between you and Bobby Trendy? Not at all. I don't care what people say about me. It's really refreshing for me to be that way. The only thing I care about is that people are reading my website. And about 7 million to 8 million people a day are reading my site. And I care that people continue to read my Web site. And thus far I have yet to plateau. My traffic has increased tenfold in the last year.

Owen Wilson

Where do you think you'll be 10 years from now? I don't know. I'm happy doing what I'm doing now. And if nothing else comes then I'll continue being happy doing what I'm doing now. I never thought it would be possible for me to make a living full time doing the Web site. Now I'm doing my TV show, which I'm very excited as well. I'm working on a book. And I'm just keeping busy. So I'll continue to keep busy and work hard and entertain people.





PEREZ DOES DALLAS

"Hollywood Nights," hosted by Perez Hilton with DJ Mike D.

House of Blues , White Swan Building, 2200 N. Lamar St.

Sept. 14, doors at 10:30 p.m.
Ages 21 and older.
$15 advance, VIP lounge, $40.

Arrive dressed as your favorite celebrity.
214-978-2583





This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 31, 2007