Joan Rivers shares the stage with the Turtle Creek Chorale, but it’s hardly a first for the off-color champion of all things gay

NOT HER FIRST TIME AT THE GAY RODEO: Joan Rivers appears with the Turtle Creek Chorale Monday.

“Hi, what are we talking about?”

At 75, Joan Rivers is still so in demand, she has to be reminded which journalist she’s talking to — and why. In the week prior to our interview, Rivers had been in four cities, from London to Los Angeles, including a gig performing at the Folsom Street Fair — making her appearance on Monday with the Turtle Creek Chorale sound tame by comparison. While she’s already well past a traditional retirement age, she shows no sign of slowing down.

Nor, apparently, cleaning up her act. In casual conversation, she drops more F-bombs than an episode of “The Sopranos” while spouting off about a range of topics from same-sex marriage to her current pet peeve: children.

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How has your comedy changed over the years? You pray you change. I’ve always been controversial, but it has changed radically in what you talk about because times have gotten rougher and harder. I know what I talk about it is much wilder and rougher. I have a lot more freedom to say what I want. I think I’m at the top of my game now. A whole new thing is just beginning. I know that sounds insane, but I feel it.

Recently, AOL refused to link to your MyHollywood.com Emmy coverage because they found it offensive. What’s the story? They got upset with our content, which is insane. They should know what they’re getting [with me]. The whole thing is ridiculous. I’m mean but Kathy Griffin is nice? What are you taking about? Make up your fucking minds.

A few of the things you said were that Eva Longoria Parker looked like a fat pig, and that Heidi Klum had a Nazi haircut: Too far? No. If she’s pregnant, she’s lovely. If she’s not pregnant, she should not look like that.

Is there a line you can cross or does the line not exist? I don’t think so. The only good thing about age is you can say what you want. What are they gonna do, fire me? I’ve been fired. If I’m gonna talk about it, I’m gonna talk about it. The moment you become that grand old dame pleasing everybody, you’re over.

You obviously have a lot of friends and fans in the gay community. On the other hand, you’re known for your off-color humor, like referring to Nicolette Sheridan recently as “halfway through becoming a trannie, but I’m not sure in which way. She makes Jamie Lee Curtis look feminine.” Do you have more freedom performing in front of gay groups, or do you worry about alienating even them? Not at all. Just the opposite — the gays are the ones that get it. They should know by this time I was the first, the original discusser of trannies. Gays are like English people — once they like you, they like you till death. Our country is very disposable — few of us have long careers, and I’m lucky to be one of them.

Other female comedians, especially Margaret Cho and Kathy Griffin, always refer to “their gays.” Do you have your gays? I have news for you: The same guys that go to see Kathy are buying a ticket to me and vice versa. If these girls are deluding themselves into thinking they’re the only ones with gays, they’re in for big shock when they see pictures of my audience.

Not to be indelicate, but you turned 75 this year and you appear at more gay events than most 30-year-old gay men, from London to Folsom Street. Any opinion on which queers are better: British, American, Texan? All are the same — I hate to tell you guys, but the whole world is now one village. You go over to London and there’s “Seinfeld” and Larry King; you come over here and there’s “The Office” and BBC America. Folsom is wonderful. They really got it all. I love doing that. I did the gay rodeo in Reno and adored that — such a good time. A gay audience is very willing to go with you.

What’s your favorite kind of gay guy: Bear, twink, muscle-queen or Tom Cruise? My favorite gay guy is always anyone with a sense of humor and sense of style. I’m very disappointed when you meet that one gay schlub who has no sense of style. You’re gay, you should know how to pick a chintz!

In California back in the ‘80s, my husband and I rented our guest cottage to a gay couple. We said, “Just wait till they redo it — they’ll make it fabulous!” They just did nothing! We said, “WHAT? You’re hanging that?” They totally went the other way — they just trailer-trashed it.

What do you think about Clay Aiken coming out last month? It’s about time. I hate this — stop coming out when we all know! I find this so insulting. “I’m gay!” No shit.

Joan Rivers

You’ve publicly come out in support of gay marriage in California…. Of course. It’s so stupid [that anyone wouldn’t support it.] I think we have more to do with our lives that worry.

Any good zingers about John McCain? Only that his false teeth really annoy me — they click when he talks.

How about Sarah Palin? I can’t make jokes about her — I’m too upset about it. No one will say this woman is against gay rights, against abortion, she believes in creationism and is a fundamentalist in the worst way. This is one scary woman. And she’s one heartbeat away from the presidency.

Any other pet peeves of the moment? Yes! I hate children. I truly hate children. I adore my grandson, I just hate the little fucker. I walk into a plane and there are three little kids? Fuck them. I’m telling the stewardess to change my seat. Here’s the answer to “Sophie’s Choice:” Take ’em both!

Gay people think of their pets as children…. Don’t ever call your pets your children, or they will fuck you in the end. Pets are not children because, if you ever wet on the floor, they are not gonna put you in an old age home. They will take your power of attorney.

That’s pretty edgy stuff. Even at Folsom they’re staring at me — someone booed me. Someone actually said “boo.” That’s when you know you’re doing it right.

Can you tell when a show it going to be good at the start? Yes, when there are only gay men in front. You see six gay men in the front of the theater, you know it’s gonna be a hoot.

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WOMEN’S CHORUS CELEBRATES 20 YEARS

Joan Rivers

In 1989, The Women’s Chorus of Dallas began rehearsing at The Episcopal Church of St. Thomas the Apostle. The 25 members sat in tiny chairs used by the Sunday school program. Over the past 19 years, about 250 songstresses have joined the ranks of TWCD, says artistic director Melinda Imthurn. On Saturday, about 60 singers will perform “Commemoration,” the group’s 20th anniversary concert. Of those 60, four are original members who remember those tiny Sunday school chairs.

Saturday concert includes Z. Randall Stroope’s powerful “Magnificat;” “Nella Fantasia,” by Morricone; “Adiemus,” with a dance interpretation by Dallas Black Dance Theatre; a tribute to Anne Albritton, with performances of her arrangements of “The Wind Beneath my Wings,” “God Likes a Woman” and “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough.”

Alumnae singers will join TWCD for favorites from the more distant past.


Oct. 11 at 8 pm. at Cathedral of Hope, 5910 Cedar Springs Road. Advance tickets, $20; $25 at door. 214-520-7828 Twcd.org.Any chorus alumni interested in singing at the concert are encouraged to call the TWCD offices

    
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 10, 2008.