Billy Masters

Posted on 26 Sep 2014 at 7:50am

How big is Jared Leto? Be the judge

Leto

Just how much tucking did Jared Leto have to do for ‘Dallas Buyers Club?’ No wonder the makeup team won an Oscar.

I may be out of the country, but my nationalistic pride rode awfully high while I watched the Miss America Pageant. This year’s competition featured two of my favorite things: implants and puppets! Clearly, Miss Ohio’s ventriloquist rendition of “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” was the highlight, but our own Miss Texas made sure she got her money’s worth out of her own puppets” (I’m assuming they’re implants, but only her doctor or a silicone specialist knows for sure.) All in all, I loved every second of it.

The big television event last week was Barbra Streisand’s return to late night TV. It’s been more than 50 years since Babs deigned to appear on The Tonight Show (her last visit was in March of 1963). Why she’s stayed away is a mystery, but here’s a fun fact: Johnny Carson begged her to be on his penultimate show, the slot ultimately filled by Bette Midler. Maybe Babs finally returned because she knew Jimmy Fallon would gush. Or maybe she just really wanted to sell CDs. Or maybe it was because it was arranged in advance that she’d be filmed from her good side (as if). Yes, the whole business of Jimmy letting her sit in his chair fulfilled an edict from Babs — she had to sit on his left. So the choices were for her to take his chair or for the set to be flipped around (which is what Rosie O’Donnell did). Fallon was happy to oblige, and even made it look kinda spontaneous.

During her first week on the job, Julianne Hough wasted no time in creating a scandal on Dancing with the Stars. The new girl at the judges’ table was chatting with DWTS alum Mario Lopez on Extra. It all went well until she started talking about contestant Jonathan Bennett. “He Tweeted me last year and said, like, I had a nice butt.

But he also tagged my trainer. And so I was like, ‘Oh, he’s hitting on me. I should try to go on a date with him.” Mario asked how that turned out. Without batting an eye, Julianne says, “He’s gay. So I was like, that’s not gonna work.” This struck me as amusing for two reasons. First, this may be news to Mario, but my faithful fans have known Bennett was gay since I reported his relationship with the now-openly gay Matt Dallas back in 2009. Secondly, since when has someone being gay stopped Hough from dating them?

Last week, Nick Jonas was all over New York promoting his new single (“Jealous”) and a new television series (DirecTV’s Kingdom). Because he’s as smart as he is pretty, his first stop was the gay nightclub BPM. He told MTV News, “It’s been a fun couple days partying with some of my gay fans. I love them to death and their support of me, so why not go out and hang?” And hang he did — including posing with underwear-clad strippers. He even showed off his own abs … anything to sell a CD! When asked about his gay fans, he said, “I’m thrilled by that. I’ve always had a pretty strong gay fan base, having been a theater kid. That’s a community that I love and have embraced, and they’ve embraced me. I love them. They’re so supportive.” They’ll be even more supportive when they see his show. Jonas told Andy Cohen that Kingdom will contain lots of nudity, sex and perhaps more. Andy asked if this meant that Nick’s mixed martial arts fighter character was bi-curious. With a mischievous grin, Jonas answered, “We’ll see.”

Nick then paid a visit to Ryan Seacrest’s radio program, which was being broadcast in NYC to coincide with promoting the new clothing line, Ryan Seacrest Distinction. Jonas was given one of the collection’s new shirts and, being a clever cad, Ryan asked Nick to try it on. Nick promptly doffed his top — yeah, like that wasn’t the point all along. Seacrest later posted, “It took some convincing, but he finally gave in (and we’re glad he did!)” I bet!

Lance Bass and beau Michael Turchin celebrated the one-year anniversary of their engagement by getting engaged all over again. Turchin wrote, “Who gets proposed to a second time on the first anniversary of the first proposal?? This guy!!” He also posted a photo of what appears to be a brand new engagement ring.

A contestant on a Chilean reality show kinda outed singer Luis Miguel. The show is called Trepadores, which loosely translates as Social Climbers. A male singer competing claims that he made out with Ricky Martin as a teenager. Plausible. He then shared a second-hand story: “One of my friends who is very cute was taken to Luis Miguel’s yacht to be introduced to him. Yes, Luis Miguel is bi.” This one loses a bit of punch in translation.

My “Ask Billy” box was flooded with many of you asking the same question. The first query came from Patrick in Florida: “Once and for all — Jared Leto? Does he really have a big dick? Or is it just a lot of hype?”

Since Jared Leto is hot — both as a subject and as an object — this comes up occasionally. The fires were stoked, so to speak, when transgender personality Alexis Arquette recently gave an interview to drag comedian Jackie Beat: “I had sex with Jared Leto back when I was presenting as a man. And, yes, it’s not only massive; it’s like a

Praetorian Guard’s helmet.” Tabling the issue that sounds like it could hurt and tickle at the same time, what are we left with? The boasting of a sexual encounter by someone who is less than credible, in my opinion. The situation exploded a few days later. Footage from a 30 Second to Mars concert showed Jared grabbing what appeared to be a ponderous package in his penile region. Check out BillyMasters.com and decide for yourself.

When Nick Jonas is trading in his promise ring for a cock ring (anything for his gay fans), it’s definitely time to end yet another column. I must confess that I’m slightly concerned about being in Eastern Europe. What a time for me to forget to pack my Isis costume — if I end up next to a guy with a sickle, I wanna go out in style! As long as

I have breath in my body, I’m here to answer your questions. Send them along and I promise to get back to you before Julianne Hough outs anyone else from her past.

So, until next time, remember, one man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Have a question for Billy? Send it to him at Billy@BillyMasters.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 26, 2014.

 

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