Billy Masters

Posted on 19 Dec 2014 at 7:20am

This week in porn scandals

bruno-knight

Gay porn star Bruno Knight, pictured, ran into trouble when trying to fly out of LAX this summer. While rushing to catch a flight to London, he was detained by DEA officers. Turns out, they had been tipped off that the porn pup would be smuggling 226 grams of crystal meth out of the country … in his ass! That’s a helluva lot of crystal to be shoving up one’s bum. Given the quantity of the drugs, the charges were possession with intent to sell — an offense which could have landed him in jail for 20 years. Still, he swore he wasn’t a drug dealer. His defense was that he’s simply a drug addict and was desperate to bring the meth into London, where apparently they don’t have the Internet or Breaking Bad repeats to show you how to make it in your own kitchen. The judge was moved and gave Bruno a mere two years in the pokey. It’s been pointed out that one of Knight’s most memorable flicks was Security Control, where he played an officer who strip searches a guy for drugs. Once again, art imitates life … which imitates porn.

It was recently reported that a rookie firefighter with the FDNY has a past doing gay porn … which seems to be a prerequisite of any member of the New York fire department by the looks of them. Jonathan Jesensky is a former Marine who served in Iraq, and has worked as an EMT for the past two years. (Sounds like someone I’d want protecting me with a long hose.) Days after he officially became an FDNY rookie (after being valedictorian of his class), it was revealed that he did about a dozen gay and bisexual porn flicks under the name Jonathan West (we hear he’s gay-for-pay). His body of work includes such classics as Paramedics and Semper Bi (once again, art imitating life, imitating porn). What’s interesting about this story is that when the media contacted his superiors, they said he had already told them when he was hired two years ago. “The legal department is aware of his work history,” said an FDNY spokesperson. The press tracked down several of Jonathan’s new colleagues — some who have met him and some who haven’t. It seems that the people questioned said they didn’t care what he did in the past, so long as he was good at his job. Once again, firemen are setting a good example for everyone.

Time for some last minute Billy’s Holiday Gift Giving Suggestions. Our first item is something that will not only make your spirits bright, but will also raise money for a great cause. Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS has a limited edition Liza Minnelli holiday ornament. Liza, who is recovering from back surgery, said, “I’m simply delighted and so honored to be immortalized with such a wonderfully crafted ornament. I’m especially proud to help support Broadway Cares/Equity Fights AIDS, an organization that has been very dear to my heart for more than two decades.” Previous legends in the ornament series are Julie Andrews, Carol Channing, Angela Lansbury, Bernadette Peters, Chita Rivera and Gwen Verdon. Liza’s six-inch glass likeness features her in a red sequin outfit and hat, circa 1977. To order the ornament, head on over to BroadwayCares.org.

I firmly believe that a thoughtfully selected calendar is a perfect gift. This year, we’ve got some great options for you. First up is the Warwick Rowing Club. The lads started getting their kits off to raise money for new equipment in 2009. Since then, like the Calendar Girls before them, they’ve branched out into other directions — and raised close to half a million dollars! This year, the sexy students are raising money to fight homophobia in sports. They’ll also help you break a sweat! Check out their wares at WarwickRowers.org.

A perennial favorite of my readers is the annual calendar of naughty Orthodox priests. For the third year in a row, we get to see the pious and members of their flock nude, or at least partially nude. Having been raised in the Eastern Orthodox faith and attended services in churches around the world, I must say I’ve never seen anyone who remotely resembles these guys in (or out) of their vestments. They can be found at Orthodox-Calendar.com.

Finally, a bit of troublesome news. Brace yourselves, because one doesn’t deliver news like this every day. Susan Boyle — you know, the chick with Asperger’s and a mustache — has her first boyfriend … at 53 years old! According to that cagey minx, “It’s very early days so we’ll see what happens. I hope he visits.” Visits? Is he in some sort of a facility where he needs to get a weekend pass? Or perhaps it’s the other way around. Susan added, “I don’t want to say any more about who he is right now as that would be unfair on him. All I’ll say is we are around the same age and he was a very nice guy.” With that description, I kinda think she’s describing someone she met on a bus! But, good on you, Susie.

Send your queries my way and I promise to get back to you before Susan Boyle gets cast in the next Peter Pan Live … as Nana!
Until next time, remember: One man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Have a question for Billy? Send an email to him at  Billy@BillyMasters.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 19, 2014

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