Billy Masters

Posted on 15 Jan 2015 at 11:30pm

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Globes recap! Snooki on B’way?

While we’re already two weeks into the new year, in Hollywood the year doesn’t really begin until awards season, which was kicked off last Sunday with the Golden Globes, hosted for the final time by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. It was a lackluster showing — with one exception. Though the idea of having a North Korean general-reviewer attend might have been Tina and Amy’s idea, Margaret Cho virtually stole the show with her impersonation (all three pictured right). It was also a big night for the trans community when the AmazonPrime series Transparent won two top awards. I suppose Kevin Spacey’s win also ties into this column, but let’s not go there.

Despite coming up short in the award department, HBO’s legendary after-party was the place to be. The threat of a soggy soirée had party-planner Billy Butchkavitz and his team working overtime. Happily, the weather cooperated and the party was a huge success.

My first celebrity run-in was with Robert Michael Morris, who plays Mickey on The Comeback. Since I thought this season was even better than the first one a decade ago, I was curious if there was more to come. He told me that HBO loved it and would welcome a return, but creator Michael Patrick King thinks it best to wait a few years. Speaking of follow-ups, Nia Vardalos said that the sequel to My Big Fat Greek Wedding will start filming any day now, while hubby Ian Gomez is sad to be wrapping up Cougar Town.

There are some people I don’t go up to. What does one say to Monica Lewinsky — “I love your work”? Not only was I curious what she was doing there, I was trying to figure out what she was chatting to Jennifer Aniston about. Since one of my best friends, Jenifer Lewis, plays Anthony Anderson’s mother on Blackish, it was nice to meet him and Tracee Ellis Ross. Tracey said that I’d have to wait and see who plays her mom on the show. I’d like to think it will be Diane, but I doubt it.

My most memorable celebrity encounter was probably when I wound up as the meat in a Carver boys sandwich. Charlie and Max Carver couldn’t have been sweeter, although between them I looked like George Washington Carver. Charlie told me that the three-way he filmed with James Franco and Zachary Quinto for I Am Michael was not nearly as memorable, but I find that hard to believe.

My week ended at the glittering Golden Globes, but it started on the other side of the country. Jeff Timmons of the pop group 98 Degrees was in Boston headlining The Men of the Strip. This troupe of male strippers from Las Vegas have been featured on E! The “hook” is that they all sing and dance in the style of a boy band. What I think really sets them apart from other groups is that they don’t cater solely to the ladies. Yes, there is the typical strip show banter about the types of women the guys like, which elicits squeals of delight from the ladies. But at a certain point, they asked where the men were. The gaggle of gays (and a smattering of straight guys, I’m sure) cheered. The guys onstage said, “We love our guy fans.” As if to underscore that point, let me ask you this: How often does Jeff Timmons sing “Invisible Man” to a guy?

Guess who’s hoping to hit Broadway? Snooki! Believe it or not, the Jersey Shore starlet is looking to the Great White Way for her next job: “I’m not famous anymore to do SNL. But I’m going to figure something out to do Broadway!” Grammar aside … really? Snooki on Broadway? I guess it’s not so far-fetched since she was inspired by another reality star. “Nene Leakes is on Broadway in Cinderella! I’m going to L.A. and I’m going to have a meeting with my peoples and I’m going to tell them let’s get me on Broadway.” It only takes one person to ruin it for the rest of us.

A sports star who is making a big impact is soccer great Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo was honored in his hometown of Funchal, Portugal, with a 10-foot bronze statue of himself. While the sexy stud is captured in all of his rippling glory, the most memorable feature on the statue is below the belt. At the unveiling, people were surprised to see an exaggerated protrusion in the penile area. Cristiano approved of the likeness, and posed with it proudly. At least the shade provided from the bulge kept the sun out of his eyes.

Our Ask Billy question comes from Kevin in Chicago: What do you know about Ellen’s new gardener? He looks kinda familiar to me. You found the nude photos of Nick, so I’m sure you can find something on this guy.

Ellen’s temporary gardener is model Derek Yates, who hails from Chattanooga and aspires to act and sing. You probably recognize him for a gazillion underwear ads. Diplomatic as he is hot, he claims to not have a real favorite brand. “If it fits well and makes me look good, then I like them, regardless of the brand.” That said, he admits, “I have always wanted to be a Calvin Klein underwear model.” A little padding and that dream might come true. As to if I have any skin shots, he claims there are none to be had.

When the most memorable Golden Globes belonged to Jennifer Lopez, it’s definitely time to end yet another column. Since we ran long, If you have a question for me, send it along and I promise to get back to you before Snooki wins a Tony.

Until next time, remember: One man’s filth is another man’s bible.

Have a question for Billy? Send an email to him at  Billy@BillyMasters.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 16, 2015.

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