Billy looks back on an eventful 2014
It’s that time again: A time of reflection, a time of hope, a time to laugh, a time to weep. Turn, turn, turn. In the close to two decades I’ve been writing this column, this has been one of the most eventful years.
The year started with someone asking me why it is taking so long to legalize gay marriage in more states. I reminded him of a prediction I made in 2013 — that gay marriage would be legalized federally within five years. As of right now, you can get married in 34 states and the District of Columbia (and part of Missouri and in 21 Native American tribal reservations). In short, most Americans live in areas where same-sex marriage is legal.
Needless to say, we’ve seen lots of gay marriage this year. Lance Bass just got married. So did Elton John to longtime partner David Furnish. Matt Bomer revealed that he’s been married to P.R. honcho Simon Halls since 2011. Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka finally tied the knot in style (in Italy). Martina Navratilova and Melissa Etheridge got married, though not to each other. And you know it’s becoming passé when Jodie Foster is in a gay marriage! Sara Gilbert got married (and is pregnant). Nate Berkus and Jeremiah Brent got married (and are also with child). Even Tyler Perry just had a kid … which, technically, shouldn’t be in this column. Bitch, please. Cheyenne Jackson got married and divorced, but then got married again this past year.
In the world of sports, Michael Sam made history by becoming the first openly gay professional football player — a ponderous, but apt, title. Former NFL player Deion Sanders said, “He’s not the first gay guy in the NFL. He’s the first one to come out — let’s get that straight. Every team I’ve played on, there was someone … we always knew.” But did they all have hot boyfriends like Vito Cammisano, who kissed Sam on the lips when he was drafted by the St. Louis Rams, pictured? (Vito’s probably used to being on camera; his ex is porn star Austin Wilde.)
Swimming great Ian Thorpe came out, but that watery announcement was trumped by a tale told by Taylor Lianne Chandler. Taylor (who was born David) claims to have had an affair with Olympian Michael Phelps, and she says she can prove it (maybe she has a Speedo with a stain). Taylor is currently in negotiations to re-enact their relationship in a video for Vivid. Although it’s not a done deal, I can exclusively reveal a part of their negotiations. When Vivid execs discussed her potential co-stars, they showed her one guy and said, “He’s a dead ringer for Michael Phelps … except he doesn’t have a very big penis”. Taylor said, “He’s exactly like Michael!” Oh, well.
Probably the biggest gay gossip story of the year was actually old news. Michael Egan claimed that when he was 17, Hollywood bigwigs Bryan Singer, Garth Ancier and Gary Goddard did numerous unspeakable things to him. Despite many holes in his story and contradictory statements, there was allegedly an out-of-court settlement on the table for $100K. At the last minute, Egan turned it down — and his lawyer took a hike. With no lawyer and no money, Egan’s case was dismissed (with the option to refile).
What would my column be without celebrity nudes? This was certainly a “big” year — from someone leaking a photo of Tom Daley nude in a shower and Jake Gyllenhaal nude on the set of Everest to numerous stills and videos of David Girton from Big Brother in full arousal. And I think honorable mention must go to the purported penii of Idris Elba and Jared Leto.
But it was the photos of Ellen DeGeneres’ former gardener Nick that got the most tongues wagging. I suspect that Nick (aka Billy Reilich) got more than he bargained for in the fame department. Sure, he got lots of attention with his shirtless skits on Ellen. And, yes, it led to him being cast in Magic Mike XXL. But it also led to someone sending me a treasure trove of photos of the hot boy showing off every inch of himself — full frontal, arousal and bent over! But I suppose it was the appearance of Ben Affleck’s member in Gone Girl that got the most attention.
The story that sums up 2014 belongs to John Travolta, who will forever be remembered from the Academy Awards, when he introduced “the wickedly talented, one and only, Adele Nazeem.” Personally, I think he was trying to get us to believe he’s straight — what gay man doesn’t know Idina Menzel?
When a bunch of naked men inevitably leads to John Travolta, it’s time to end yet another year of columns. And while you’re at the computer, you can send me whatever questions are on your mind. Email me and I promise to get back to you before we unearth photos of someone trimming Ellen’s bush.
Until next time, remember: One man’s filth is another man’s bible.
Have a question for Billy? Send an email to him at Billy@BillyMasters.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 2, 2015.