Haters gon hate: Cassie gets political
Hello, my lovelies! So last week I posted something on Facebook — a harmless video of my 80-lb. tortoise, Ruby. She has recently decided she hates gnomes. We have about 50 various gnomes around our backyard, and any gnome she can get to, she knocks over. I go around and stand them all back up, and within a few hours, she has knocked them all down. It’s like she is bowling or something.
Anyway, I thought it was funny so I pulled out my phone to record it. Of course, as soon as I turn on the camera, she walks right past one, not bothered. I pan the camera back over to Mr. Gnome in time to see my Pomeranian, Sunny, hike his leg and pee on the poor guy. Just a simple, harmless, happy video that made me smile and I hoped others would find amusing.
I woke up the next day and check the comments of the adorable animal antics and some “good Christian” has posted that God has the answers, and pray that God takes away my sins. Oh and my favorite, that I should “be a man… it’s not too late.” I just sat there, looking at the screen, puzzled. What was it about my video that made him think I needed any unwarranted advice on God? I will admit that I cussed like a sailor in the video, but that is just how I talk. And for the record, I am a man — a pretty, sometimes effeminate man, but still a man.
I don’t post a lot of political stuff because I want to avoid such argumentative, self-righteous people. I don’t post much that will cause arguments. There are way too many people that like to argue and fight on social media, and I am not one of them. If someone wants to have an adult conversation on my beliefs or lifestyle, I am open to a no-holds-barred discussion.
Religions fascinate and scare me. I can’t imagine believing in something so much that I would go out of my way to try to make others feel bad about themselves, or insist that something is wrong with them. I went to many different churches when I was young trying to find one that didn’t make me feel abnormal. As a kid, I was forced to go to a Southern Baptist church, then a Pentecostal and even a Mormon church with my best friend’s family. All made me feel damaged and unclean. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I developed a relationship with God. My beliefs are not defined by hearsay or books — my beliefs are felt. I know in my heart I am, who I am supposed to be. I love who I am supposed to love. I feel guilt and disappointment in myself if I wrong someone without a fear of fire and eternal damnation.
I believe there is something after we die but if this life is all we have, I’m good with that, too. It helps me make the most of today. I believe in science, but I know it does not have all the answers… yet. Maybe the afterlife is just a transference of energy, maybe it is something we can’t even comprehend. I have felt a closeness to God in nature, or in my own head and heart more that I have ever felt it in a church. I can’t judge other people’s relationship with God or if they don’t have one. I think the world would be a better place if more people did that. I don’t mean to get preachy, but that is what has been on my mind today. And now, let’s help some folks.
Dear Cassie, Hey, girl. I am a big fan and love hearing the advice you give to others so hopefully you can help me. I am a 32-year-old gay man and my husband and I have been together six years, and married for 18 months. When we first got together, we talked about someday having a family. He said he really wanted kids and at the time I thought I did, too. Over the years, we have made a great life together. We are nowhere near rich but do have the luxury of a two-income household, so we have a nice cushion of disposable income. We save up so we can go on great vacations about three or four times a year. We have nice things, and I am living my dream life.
Since we got married, my partner has wanted to save every penny we have to hire a surrogate. Surrogates are crazy expensive and I have come to the realization that I don’t want to give up my lifestyle for a kid. My older sister has 2 and she and her husband struggle and fight all the time. Her kids are awesome, but I see how hard things have gotten for them and I worry.
Am I being selfish in not wanting to give up my fabulous life? If I tell my man how I feel, will we end up on gay divorce court? I secretly think I would be a bad parent and that the world is overpopulated as it is. My parents divorced when I was young and I don’t know many couples that have stayed together. I just want to keep thing like they are now. Thanks Miss Nova, signed Anonymous & Happily Childless.
Dear A & HC, Damn gurl, where do I even start with this? First of all, have you talked to your husband about this at all or will it be a surprise to him to hear the dream he had for you as a couple has become your nightmare? If he seriously wants to be a dad and you are not wanting to be one, this may be the beginning of the end for your relationship. Are you sure you don’t want a kid? I hear they are great, I don’t know. I like my relative’s kids because I leave and go home when I have had my fill.
Having a kid is a big decision and it seems to be very important to your partner. You sound a little bit selfish. I get being happy with the now, but will he be happy for long if he really wants a family?
The sad truth is that many kids are born to parents that don’t really want them, and people like your husband, who would probably make a great dad, have to jump through hoops to be a parent. You need to be honest with him. Explain to him how you feel and why you feel that way. The world is overpopulated but there are lots of kids already in the world that need loving homes.
I appreciate your honesty about possibly being a bad parent but things change when you take on being a parent. Priorities shift. Being needed and helping shape a child’s life may force you to grow up yourself. How important is your husband’s happiness to you? Will not having kids be a deal breaker to him? The only real advice I can give you is to talk to your husband. Communicate your feelings and go from there. Good luck, Cassie.
I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween. Be safe, play nice and scare the snot out of someone. I hope that the folks that dress as clowns wear protective gear under their costumes. I am expecting to see at least a hundred Harley Quinns, a few hundred first-time drag queens and a butt load of kids from Stranger Things and I can’t wait! It is my favorite time of year!
Remember to love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.
If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 28, 2016.