Hey all my ho-ho-hos, I hope you all had a great holiday. As this year comes to a close, let’s reflect on some of the things — good and bad — that 2014 brought us. Robin Williams, Joan Rivers and Alice from The Brady Bunch all went to the clearing at the end of the path, while the Kardashians and Justin Bieber are still alive and annoying. I became scared of words that start with vowels like ISIS and Ebola. Same-sex marriage became legal in a bunch more states. Sharknado 2 was an actual movie that actual people actually watched. “All About the Bass” gave thick girls a reason to shake it, shake it.
It was not a great year to fly on Malaysia Airlines. The winter Olympics in Sochi bored the hell out of me. Momma June left Sugarbear for a known pedophile and done got Honey Boo Boo cancelled. It became socially acceptable to like Taylor Swift. A whole mess’a people poured ice on their heads for ALS ice bucket challenges. I saw Ben Affleck’s weenie in Gone Girl. Bianca Del Rio won RuPaul’s Drag Race and Bruce Jenner started to transition (allegedly).
Some of the Rose Room gals won some crowns. Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church died … womp-womp! Gay football player Michael Sam comes to Big D only to get dropped. Poor Beyoncé’s sister gets real violent in elevators. Dallas Buyers Club won a bunch of acting awards. We learned not to take anything prescribed by Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable. And best news of all, I was asked to write a column for Dallas Voice.
Now on to yo’ problems.
Dearest Cassie, Many people make New Year’s resolutions every Dec. 31 and then are back to their old hijinks before they get their Christmas decorations put away. Are you for or against resolutions? Thanks, Bill.
Dear Bill, Most New Year’s resolutions are total bullshit unless you truly want to make a change in your life. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Set realistic goals for yourself and go for them when you are serious about doing it, not because a date on the calendar has pressured you to lie to yourself. “I resolve not to make resolutions, but to set goals.” Cassie.
Dear Cassie, How do you know when you’ve gone from boyfriend to friend? I have been dating a guy for several months. We have so much in common and I feel like he could be my best friend. At first I was sexually attracted to him but now I feel nothing when I kiss him. I feel really bad — like I’m being untrue. I don’t want to hurt him. How do I tell him that he’s great but just not for me? My biggest problem is that he moved here three years ago from New York, for me. He doesn’t have a lot of friends here, but I do. I feel like I would be an asshole if I broke up with him during the holidays but I don’t want to lie to him. Thanks, Sleepless in Seagoville.
Dear Sleepless, Time for some real talk. You are lying to him. Every second that he thinks your relationship is more than it is is a lie. This really is a tough situation. It’s easy for me to give advice, but I can’t imagine having to tell him your feelings have changed. But the longer you wait the more resentful you both will become. If the tables were turned, would you want to know? Would it matter if it was before or after the holidays? I say rip the Band-Aid off, quick. Good luck. My heart breaks for you both. Cassie.
Dear Cassie, Is it ever really possible to date a bartender or a dancer? They get paid to flirt. How can you make a move without feeling like you’re getting played? Brian.
Dear Brian, Have you ever tried actually asking that bartender or dancer on a date? What’s the worst that can happen — they say “no?” Bartenders and dancers (and drag queens!) are people, too. If you feel you make a real connection with someone, take a chance. There are way too many lonely people in this world. But be aware: If you feel like you are being played, you probably are. Good luck, Cassie.
Dearest Cassie, How different is a drag queen’s personality and energy on stage versus in real life (on the streets, in restaurants, at the gym, grocery shopping, etc.)? Do you feel the constant need to entertain people in your free time? Is it exhausting having to keep up a certain persona because of your stage presence? Or does it all just come naturally 24/7 as opposed to something that is turned on when the curtain opens? Are you ever nervous about letting someone in to know the real you? Thanks, Grant Beckwith.
Dear Grant, That is a great question. Way back before my persona of Cassie Nova was born, I would go out to the shows and be that loud obnoxious little queer that sat up front. I would do anything to bring attention to myself. I remember going to see Valerie Lohr’s shows at the Wave when I was a teenager and getting on my own nerves. Thank God I found drag and it let me get the attention I so desperately wanted. Since the glorious birth of the Nova, James (my alter ego) doesn’t need much extra attention. Thanks to Cassie’s stage time, James can just chill. It really is exhausting to be around people that always expect you to be “on.” That is why I am very selective of my true friends. They are OK with over-the-top Cassie or boring wallflower James. For the record, my “boring” is still pretty awesome. I hope that answers it! Cassie.
So, no resolutions here, but one prediction: I predict that 2015 will be a year to remember. Let’s all work to make it a great one.
Love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO Cassie Nova.
If you have a question and want to suggest for Ask a Drag Queen — or just have some juicy gossip to share — email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 26, 2014.