Cassie Nova • 04.15.16

Posted on 15 Apr 2016 at 7:20am

Allergies won’t stop Cassie from answering your questions!

CN3-KristoferReynolds

Photo courtesy Krisofer Reynolds

Holla, hookers! Allergies are the work of the devil. After being sick all week — convinced I had the worst cold in history and I was dying — I broke down and went to the doctor. “It’s just allergies,” the doc said. “It’s from the unusually high levels of pollen in the air.” Screw you doc! “Just” allergies. I feel like death warmed over. If you think about it, allergies are like an STD from nature. Thanks Mother Nature, you whore!

Sorry, I may be a little more moody than usual. So let’s get to the batch of Ask Cassie questions I received these past few weeks through Facebook (you can also email directly!).

Dear Cassie, Have you ever gone to jail in drag, or known someone who has? What was that like? What is the oddest/worst/funniest bathroom experience in drag? Thanks, Bradley.

Dear Bradley, Going to jail would be horrible, but going to jail in drag would be horrifying — now that I think about it, it might be my biggest fear. I have been very lucky in that I have never been to jail. I have heard a few stories of friends who have been incarcerated in full high whore drag. One got pulled over for DUI and went directly to jail … in Waxahachie.

Funny thing was, she lived in Garland and somehow magically ended up in Waxahachie. Poor thang said she was way too drunk to drive and is still paying for it. She also said, as horrible as it was, the officers were nice to her. They gave her some boy clothes and baby wipes to take off her make up. She said she was embarrassed but it could have been much worse.

A different friend was pulled over and taken to jail for a warrant she hadn’t taken care of. She said she was in a simple black cocktail dress that she had to stay in for more than 24 hours. When she finally was bailed out, she left in the same black dress with wig and pads in hand. She said they put her in a cell by herself where she sat contemplating what a strange turn her life has taken, calling it one of the worst experiences of her life. I bet it was. Oh yeah, she also said they only gave her bologna sandwiches to eat. I don’t think I would have survived.

As far as bathroom experiences, I’ve only been told by the police to leave the women’s restroom once. It was at a straight nightclub in Fort Worth. I was hosting a Halloween costume contest years ago and went into the restroom to touch up my lipstick. I don’t use the restroom once I am in drag — it’s too much work. I was in the women’s restroom holding court with some fascinated straight girls that were asking me a million questions when I heard a very deep voice coming from outside the door say, “Sir, I need you to leave the woman’s restroom immediately.” Oh shit! I got out real quick. He told me if I went back inside the women’s restroom, he was going to arrest me. I know that sounds like the beginning of a very hot porno, but it scared the mess outta me. The funny part was, all the straight women were yelling at the cop to leave me alone. He threw his hands up and walked away. I wasn’t going to take any chances. I fixed my lipstick in the men’s room after that. I got a few weird looks and a catcall. I felt pretty.

I honestly can’t imagine what it must be like for my trans brothers and sisters. These backward-ass states like North Carolina and Mississippi make me fear for their safety. It is so strange that what bathroom they use is even an issue.
Everybody has to pee and poop. Why are they making it weird? Anyhoo, thanks for your question!

Dear Cassie, I am a 51-year-old gay male that has had three relationships of eight, eight and five years, none of which were open relationships. Our GLBT community has worked so hard to obtain equal marriage rights. However, any gay hookup site has many of the profiles stating they are in open relationships. For me, this is a complete contradiction of what a relationship is. Should we be judging our friends, and our community who are in an open relationship? Is seems so contradictory to me. Thanks, Mike.

Dear Mike, Do you remember the theme to the show Diff’rent Strokes? “What might be right for you, might not be right for some.” If an open relationship works for others, then good for them. I personally could not do it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the appeal. There are a lot of straight couples that consider themselves swingers. Swingers have been around forever. I guess that is a form of an open relationship. Open relationships are not just a gay thing. You just hear about it more because you are on gay apps. Whether straight or gay, the heart wants what it wants. If you are open-minded enough to give your heart to one person and your penis to another, who am I to judge? I just hope that both parties in said open relationship know that that they are in an open relationship. Cuz if one doesn’t know that’s just plain cheatin’!

Dear Cassie, Do you think it’s possible for middle/high school kids to already truly know that they are gay/bi? Signed, Stephanie, a curious parent.

Dear Stephanie, Absolutely they know. Knowing and being able to admit it to themselves are two different things. Looking back, the thoughts of being gay were there long before the hormones spurred me on to act on it. Self-discovery is different for everybody. Be accepting and show support without judgement to your kid and I can only imagine the thoughtful well-rounded individual they will become. Thanks, Cassie.

Dear Cassie, If someone who never tells you they love you but shows it, do they really love you? Thanks, Chad.

Ok Chad, Your question confuses the hell out of me. So he shows that he loves you but never says the words I love you? Do you believe he loves you? If hearing those words are important to you, tell him. Some guys just aren’t wired for communication. Words are not easy for some to say but at the end of the day, they are just words. If he proves and shows his love for you, you are luckier than most, but speak up and let him know you need to hear it. I love you … see I said it and I don’t even know you. Good luck, Cassie.

If I didn’t get to your question this week, check back in weeks to come. A woman’s work is never done but I do love my job, so keep the questions coming. I know all, and if I don’t know it, I can bullshit my way through almost anything.

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 15, 2016.

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