Cassie Nova • 07.22.16

Posted on 22 Jul 2016 at 7:40am

Cassie gives advice to the ladies!

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Photo courtesy Krisofer Reynolds

Hello, beautiful people! I am so glad you all have taken a moment from playing Pokémon GO to read this. Although I myself do not play yet, I did love the cartoon back in the day. As a matter of fact, I had a Pomeranian named after a Pokémon. Her name was Evee.

I’ve been told that Midlothian, where I live, does not have a lot of Pokémon action, which is probably a good thing. The last thing I need is to get bit by a snake, fall off a cliff or find a dead body … all of which are things I’ve heard have happened to people trying to catch ’em all. So if you are playing the game, be careful. Otherwise it might seem like a Darwinian experiment to weed out the idiots. Play safe in all matters of your life. Now let’s get to work.

Dear Cassie, I am a 39-year-old, married lesbian. I’m a mother of five — three of my own and two step-babies. I’m lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom while my wife works. I am very outgoing, outspoken and generally happy. Since all this tragedy lately, I feel so overwhelmed and have cried more than I wish to. I feel this overwhelming need to do something positive for the LGBT community and show my support, as well as release this negative energy I have building up inside, in a positive way. I feel as if I’m drowning in sorrow and hate and I don’t like how it makes me feel and view the world my babies have to grow up in.

We take our kids to drag brunch to see our friends. We want their little minds as open as possible so we expose them to as much diversity as we can. We’re bringing our kids — 17, 11, 10 and 8 — to Pride this year too so they can see that there are people that don’t hate on our family, like others where we live. I hid who I was for my life until I met my wife seven years ago, and since then I live out, proud and loud! When I came out, I lost my mother’s entire side of the family because I was a disgrace for being a lesbian. When my wife and I got married, I didn’t want someone that didn’t support us getting married to officiate, so our dear friend Raquel Blake did it for us. I’ve had to delete many friends and family out of my life for the hate I get for supporting my community and who I am! It’s hard because I have friends and family that say they support and love me, then I see them posting hate against my community and it angers me to the point I blow up!

I guess the advice I’m asking the almighty and wise Cassie is: How do I take this negative monster inside and make her a beautiful being that sees the beauty in this world again? I want to picket with signs, I want to walk in parades, I want to shout from the rooftops “STOP KILLING US!” Help me, Cassie, become a beautiful, rainbow voice instead of an angry, bitter troll! I’m not sure if this is what you’re looking for but I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a while. Thanks so much for all the positivity and love you spread, I appreciate what you do more then you will ever know! Lots of love from your biggest lesbian fan, Mandi.

My dear Mandi, Kudos to you for being brave enough to live your authentic life and for raising children to be open-minded and accepting. Like you, many of us — myself included — have felt powerless in the wake of so many recent tragedies. One thing you can do is show up to parades, show up to events that speak to you and mean something to you. If you are angry, be angry as long as it does not consume you. Show up to show your solidarity to your community. We truly are stronger together.

The hurt and pain you feel from family that have turned their backs on you is something you can’t change or do anything about. So focus on the things you do have a say in. When you feel hate coming at you, focus on the love you have for your wife and kids. All you can do is be who you are and love who you love. Be a beacon of positivity and light for your kids and your community. Being happy with who you are outweighs the “love” you have lost from a family that could turn their back on you so easily. Think of it as a blessing that your kids will not be subjected to their ignorance. Sometimes we put too much emphasis on “blood” relatives, when our chosen family can mean so much more. Don’t be tethered by blood. Let it go and move on. Stay strong my friend, Cassie.

Hi Cassie, So here’s my question: It seems my single life is in limbo. I am a lesbian who loves to lift heavy crap and work out a lot. I have created somewhat of a good physique for my age. Now the problem is this, I seem to be too masculine for lesbians and not “man enough” for straight girls, which is what I seem to attract along with gay boys. I know I am quite androgynous and can handle that. But what I can’t seem to grasp a hold of is what the hell am I going to do about this?! Signed, the boy with a great story of being a girl!

Dear Great Story Girl, I refuse to get all cliché and say, “Be patient, you just haven’t met the right girl yet.” Or that “There are so many fish in the sea” bullshit. And I’m not going to pretend that I don’t know who wrote this. You are intimidating as fuck. I bet it is hard for a girl to come up and talk to you. So that means you need to make yourself more approachable. Smile more. Make eye contact and say hello. The worst that can happen is they run away screaming. (Just kiddin’.)

You are quite masculine and I’m actually surprised you don’t have girls falling all over you because you are hot! I really wish I had a solution for your women problems. Is there a lesbian Tinder? There should be, it could be called Finger. Or Clitter. Or GrindHer. Seriously, a dating site might give a girl an opportunity to know more about you. It will have a list of your likes and dislikes which might help open the door to a conversation. If not a dating site, find a way to put yourself out there more. You are a great catch and you are going to rock someone’s world! Hopefully soon! Good luck my friend! Cassie.

Dear Cassie, What do you recommend for a guy in his late 30s, who is relocating to Big D, to do or see when I get there? Signed, New to Dallas.

Well N2D, Congrats on your move — Dallas is awesome. We have a great gay community and our gayborhood is always a blast. Even if Dallas gets a bit of a bad rap from other places that say we have Dallatude, screw them! First you have to come to the Rose Room and see our fabulous show. If you like cowboys and country music, we have the Round-Up. Leather? Try the Eagle. We have something for everyone.

You should definitely check out our museums. The Dallas World Aquarium is awesome. The Dallas Zoo is great and the Fort Worth Zoo is worth the drive. There are so many great things to do in Dallas. Come introduce yourself some night in the Rose Room at Station 4 and we will have a welcome to Dallas shot. You are gonna love it here!

Remember to always love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.

If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition July 22, 2016.

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