Cassie Nova

Posted on 06 Jan 2017 at 7:25am

2016 and dead, and it took with it some notable icons, Long live 2017!

Cassie-NovaWell, it is finally over. 2016 was a hateful bitch. Not to me personally — I had a pretty good year — but I feel the world was gangbanged with no lube. 2016 reminded me of Game of Thrones, they just love to kill off major characters. The freakin’ “in memoriam” at the awards shows this season will be like an hour long. This last year was like the nothing from The Neverending Story, eating icons and destroying our world in its wake. Our collective hearts have been broken so many times it doesn’t seem real. Please, 2017: We promise to be good, just leave our beloved icons alone. We can’t take much more. If you leave Betty White and Dolly Pardon alone, we will give you almost any politician you could want. Let’s negotiate! Be gentle.

A couple of the most recent deaths have hit me hard. Carrie Fisher was like the cool aunt that would buy you beer before you were old enough to buy it yourself. She will always be Leia Organa to me. Y’all know I am a Star Wars fan and because of the impact those movies had on me from such a young age, I feel like I have known her my whole life. Any time I would see her in other roles I would always think how cool it was: They got Princess Leia to be on their show. Sex & the City, The Big Bang Theory, a random episode of Smallville — I was always so excited to see her.

My heart soared with nostalgic glee when she walked onscreen in The Force Awakens. I seriously almost teared up. I won’t talk about Rogue One, but if you have seen it… you know. I also teared up then. Hearing about her heart attack, and then her death, hurt more than I thought it could. I felt silly crying in my kitchen over a woman I didn’t actually know. But it was like a punch in the gut.

I’ve read a couple of her books and knew about her and her mother’s “relationship.” Debbie Reynolds was a star first and a mother second for much of their lives. They had a mother/daughter dynamic that was hilarious and heartbreaking. So when Debbie died the day after Carrie, my first though was of Carrie Fisher rolling her eyes and saying, “Really Mother! You stole my thunder again.” I hope y’all know that that is mostly a joke on my part — I actually think it’s kind of beautiful. I know they were close — hell, they lived next door to each other…on purpose. So rest in peace my sweet Princess. You and your mother will be missed.

The other death that has hit me pretty hard was the passing of George Michael. He was my first concert and one of my first crushes. The year was 1988, I was 16 and I loved all things George Michael. I have a picture of me from that year, standing in my bedroom and on the wall behind me was a wooden crate that held all of my cassettes. You see, kiddos, “cassettes” were how we listened to music before we could stream songs. It was a physical copy of a song that you could hold in your hand! … Anyhoo, the cassettes held in that crate were probably a clue that I was one day gonna be a big ol’ flaming drag queen. Madonna, Stacy Q, Debbie Gibson, The Bangles, Tiffany and one male group: Wham! And underneath that? George Michael.

I would spend all day watching MTV just hoping to get to see the “Faith” or “I Want Your Sex” videos. He was so damn sexy in “Faith.” His jeans, that ass, that perfect hair and sexy scruff, oh and those kick-ass boots made me shower a lot. In case I am being too subtle, what I am trying to say is I spanked it a lot to George Michael. Too much info? Sorry.

When it was announced that he was doing a concert at Texas Stadium in Irving, my awesome Aunt Zina got us tickets. I was so excited to go to my first concert. We had pretty good seats, too. I would have been happy in the nosebleed section, so imagine my excitement when we had seats close enough that I could have hit him with a rock if I threw it. And I can’t throw very far… not that I would have, just trying to give you a visual of how close but not too close we were. The energy of the people in our section was electric — mostly women with a few pretty obvious homos scattered around.

As soon as he came out we started screaming. It was so loud that I realized I could scream whatever I wanted and it would get drowned out by all of the other screams. I screamed, “I want your sex George Michael!” It was so freeing. I was screaming about wanting to have sex with a guy way before I ever admitted to anyone that I was gay. When he sang “Father Figure” and “One More Try,” I openly wept and had goosebumps. It was one of the best nights of my young life.

He struggled with addiction and had his own demons and I rarely heard anything about him that was positive in the past 15 years, so when he died, I wasn’t completely surprised. What I was surprised by was hearing about all of his charitable contributions he made over the years. He volunteered at a homeless shelter and asked them all not to say anything. He paid for a woman’s IVF treatment that he saw on “Deal or No Deal,” anonymously. He gave so much to so many organizations that I was shocked by one man’s generosity. I know he wanted to keep it a secret, but I love hearing about how giving he was. I guess I feel a little guilty that I allowed my thoughts of him to change over the years. I idolized him when I was young because he was sexy and talented. I should have continued to idolize him for his philanthropy and goodness. The world lost a good man that gave us some great music and I will love him forever.

All right, enough of all that. On to a question.

Dear Cassie, My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we have both cheated. He now wants us to get married. I want to marry him too but in the back of my head all I can think about is which one of us will cheat first? Cassie, what should I do? I love him and I know he loves me but will either of us be happy in a monogamous relationship? Signed, Questionably Together.

Dear Q.T., Break up now you cheating bitches! Just kiddin’…kinda. If you think getting married will keep either of you from cheating, you need to just check out the divorce rates of straight couples. (I don’t think there is enough data on gay divorce yet.) It’s easy to say “once a cheater, always a cheater” but each relationship is different. How old are y’all? If you are in your 20s, you may not even know what you actually want long term. Would y’all be into having an open relationship or is that only a thing when you want to cheat? If you really love each other then the thought of hurting the other should outweigh the want to dip your dick in other waters. Commit to each other or don’t, there is no try! Good luck, you dumbasses!

Remember to love more, bitch less and be fabulous! XOXO, Cassie Nova.             

If you have a question of comment, email it to AskCassieNova@gmail.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 06, 2017.

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