Texas has produced its share of crackpot politicians over the years. But compared to what’s going on across the country, the Lone Star State seems downright boring in 2010.
While Gov. Rick Perry said the Arizona anti-immigration law is not right for Texas, his counterpart in Arizona claimed the law is necessary because of decapitated bodies found in the desert. Jan Brewer, running for re-election as governor of Arizona, has not been able to produce evidence to back up her claim.
Meanwhile, Rand Paul, who’s running for the Senate in Kentucky, said he thinks restaurants should have the right to refuse service based on race. Not that he’d do that if he owned a restaurant, but they should have that right.
Sharron Angle, who’s running for Senate in Nevada, thinks alcohol should be illegal. Last time we looked, Las Vegas was in Nevada.
And after being criticized last week for running an ad showing a map of Mexico with stock photos of Latinos and talking about a stronger immigration law, Angle said she was talking about immigration from Canada and didn’t know if the people in the ad were Mexican. She’s ahead in the polls.
Christine O’Donnell, a candidate for Senate from Delaware, ran an ad announcing that she’s not a witch. Apparently she used to be or some of her supporters think she is or they believe that Bewitched was a documentary. O’Donnell has not yet twitched her nose to pull ahead in the polls, maybe the best proof that she’s not a witch.
And she still hasn’t addressed her early ’90s anti-masturbation campaign that ran on MTV. “The Bible says that lust in your heart is committing adultery so — you can’t masturbate without lust,” said O’Donnell.
This weekend, a reporter following Alaska Senate candidate Joe Miller asked him a question. Miller didn’t like the question so his security guards handcuffed the reporter claiming he was trespassing at a private event and held him prisoner until Miller left the public school.
And Ohio congressional candidate Rich Iott thinks it’s just fine to dress up in a Nazi uniform. But gay people? Well, no, he cannot support rights for gays and lesbians. Based on his religious morality, he draws the line there.
But New York seems to hold the title in this year’s contest for which state can field the most lunatics at the top of their ticket.
After the New York Republican Party endorsed Rick Lazio, he went on to lose the primary by more than 30 points to Carl Paladino.
Last week, Paladino was campaigning in Brooklyn at an Orthodox synagogue. They handed him a speech and he read homophobic rants, which pleased his audience. Gay and mainstream Jewish groups protested and Paladino apologized. Sort of. The Orthodox group withdrew their support and Paladino’s nephew, who’s gay, quit his campaign. To add to Paladino’s problem, it turns out the real estate developer-turned-politician used to rent space to two of Buffalo’s biggest gay bars.
But there’s more. Paladino’s also been caught sending porn and racist e-mails to his buddies.
And the family values candidate accused opponent Andrew Cuomo of infidelity. That stopped when it was revealed that in addition to his wife and children, he’s raising another child with a girlfriend.
But the field of candidates for governor in New York includes a few even better choices.
Jimmy McMillan is running on the Rent Is Too Damn High Party. He blames the rent problem on the Jews.
Kristin Davis, running on the Anti-Prohibition Party, rose to fame as the madam who provided prostitutes for former governor and new CNN commentator Elliott Spitzer. So apparently you can provide prostitutes in New York and be governor, you just can’t hire prostitutes in New York and be governor.
Her campaign slogan? “Most politicians wait until they get elected to get indicted. I’ve already been there. I’m saving the voters time and money.”
The field of candidates in New York is so bizarre that the conservative New York Post, owned by Fox News parent NewsCorp, has endorsed Cuomo in the race.
So does Texas politics really look that bad this year?
Rick Perry hasn’t had any reporters arrested, tried to stop the state from masturbating or made protecting us from Canada an issue. He wears a suit and doesn’t e-mail porn. Compared to the rest of the country, Texas is just plain mainstream boring.