I realize this is just middle-class spam, but I enjoyed this email from my mom called “Why some men have dogs and not wives.” It could almost refer to gay men and boyfriends (except, maybe, for Nos. 7 and 11), but I really appreciate it as the proud papa to three canines.
Here’s the list:
1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Don’t don’t notice if you call them by the wrong name.
3. Dogs don’t mind if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across sometimes.
6. You never have to wait for a dog to “get ready” — they are rarin’ to go 24/7.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you in the middle of the night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you know put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad — they just find it interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride around in the back of a pickup truck.
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half your stuff.