In this edition of the Listening Party, we’re giving a two for one deal. Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers’ CD The Bear excited us because of its well-styled album art. It looked a little bit country and a little bit rock ‘n’ roll. And surely if it looks good then it must sound good, right? Most of our previous LPs have been more pop or dance. When this crossed my desk, I knew we had to give it a shot. But we kinda missed our high energy bit too so the LP peeps, Chris, Kristina, Chance and I, decided to take on Lolene’s “Sexy People” single.
I’m still settling on a format. This one runs a bit long. Sorry, y’all. Here we go, track by track.
Track 1 – “The Bear”
Kristina: Are they gay? No? So ‘bear’ does not have the same meaning. It’s a little more country than their album lets on.
Chance: This sounds like some prairie lady special.
Rich: It’s kind of jokey sounding. This reminds me of the Appalachians.
Chris: It looks like they are more hipsters by their artwork and cover but they are more folk.
K: Yeah, and not good folk.
Track 3 – “Shady Esperanto and the Young Hearts”
K: I like the way it sounds so far. Then he started singing.
Chance: Can we just pick a genre, people? I kinda like this one.
Chris: I bet they’ve all experimented with each other’s bearish bottoms, they are kinda shaggy.
K: Would they be like a cub.
Chance: They seem to have an unkempt bush.
Track 4 – “See Yourself”
K: I could two-step to this. Wait is this two stepping? What is this?
Chance: Loretta Lynn called, she wants her moves back. Sounds like The Band.
Chris: They should play this at the Round-Up.
R: I have mixed feelings about his twang. Doug Burr has some twang and I love it but this is annoying.
Track 5 – “Oh Adeline”
K: Is it the same singer every time?
Chance: Maybe it’s like the Spice Girls where they take time singing different parts of the song.
Chris: You mention them every time.
Chance: It’s my mission.
R: I don’t like this. It’s dry as a bone.
K: Dry like a cheap wine.
Chris: Dryer than Tom Petty’s chili hole.
Chance: Dryer than my mom’s vajayjay.
Track 6 – “Dying Wish of a Teenager”
Chance: Tragic already.
R: Do you like the “Dying Wish of a Teenager” or do you wish you were dead?
Chance: I wish I was a dying teenager right now.
Chris: It’s my favorite.
Chance: I would rather sleep with Saddam Hussein than listen to this song.
R: His corpse or his live body?
Track 7 – “All Part of the Show”
K: It’s done well, but I don’t like it.
R: I would much rather listen to them live but recorded, no; live like on a front porch.
Chance: With someone churning butter on the side.
Track 8 – “Satisfied Man”
Chris: Is this a post masturbation song?
K: Uh-oh, he mentioned daddy, he has daddy issues.
Chris: That’s why this is a masturbation song. Because he can’t find a daddy.
R: A Bear daddy.
K: I have to say it’s the most well put together album we’ve done. Doesn’t have monotone cheesy made in my background sound.
R: There’s more art to it. It’s like real music.
Chance: It has a nice jewel case, too. It has a bar code on it, so it’s pretty legitimate.
Chris: We’ve never listened to real music before.
Track 10 – “Do”
Chance: I feel like it’s missing the “n’t.”
Chris: I don’t like his voice on this one. They need a girl in this band.
R: This kind of has my interest.
Chance: You can listen to this at a party to get it started and then enough people would drown out the sound and that would work.
Track 11 – “Lonely in Columbus”
K: If we could just put this audio onto the Web site.
Chance: This sounds like a tuft popping out.
R: It’s very “tear in my beer.”
Chris: I broke up with my dog.
Track 12 – “Mabeline”
Chance: Oh I like this!
R: Me too. I like these countrified songs to a girl. It’s cliché but fun.
Chance: If that’s gonna be your style, I need you in tight wranglers with a bulge for days. They should have gone with a different name because Mabeline sounds like a dog.
Chris: this would be great driving cross-country and cruising rest stops and with Colton Ford in the passenger seat. They need to drink more whiskey to have whiskey-drenched vocals like Tanya Tucker.
K: I think they would have been a great local band, wherever they’re from.
R: So, they should not have gotten their record deal?
Chance: I think if I were drunk at the venue and listen to them live I would totally pay the $15 for the cd and then regret it the next day.
Track 13 – “Born in the Spring”
R: This is their last effort to make an impression on you.
K: This is where you’re at the country bar and you ask the little lady to dance.
Chance: The last dance of the evening.
Chris: Where they play “Closing Time!”
Chance: I imagine this at the country-fried wedding. I kinda like it.
R: This song really makes me not like his voice but I do like the song.
K: It’s a little gruff…
Chance: …but not abrasive enough to be unique.
Chris: This sounds like the white version of the soundtrack to The Color Purple.
R: Y’all wanna listen to a dance single?
Lolene – “Sexy People” maxi-single with a whopping 13 mixes.
K: Sounds like Lindsay Lohan to me.
Chance: What’s wrong with that? I’m definitely buying this.
R: Why buy it? Here! I like the hook.
Chris: The hook is off the hook!
R: Kinda sounds like Paris Tisdale.
Chris: Wait, can we do poppers real quick? Does anybody have some Jungle Juice?
R: This is the dance music they play before they play the good songs.
K: Yeah, like the 6 p.m. music. When you’re dancing with your jacket. I’m analyzing the lyrics and they are definitely stupid.
Chance: The writing is definitely better than “Tardy for the Party” which I love, but definitely grade school rhyming.
Chris: Cougars and hags and fags would like this song.
R: It doesn’t remind you of Gaga? Gaga-ish.
K: Gaga’s lyrics may be similar but that sounds good.
R: It’s not just dance music, it’s art!
Chris: Without all the makeup she looks like Steve Buscemi.