Gay top 10 reasons to head to the State Fair

Posted on 25 Sep 2009 at 1:24pm

bigtex

In case you hadn’t heard, the State Fair opens today. We can understand if you’re on the fence about going. Even though the new DART Green Line makes it easier to get there, we hear some of the prices have gone up. It’s a tough balance.

But it’s the Fair! Come on!

That didn’t work? Well, some colleagues and I mulled over reasons why you should head over there between now and Oct. 18. Behold our gay top 10 reasons to go to the State Fair of Texas.

10. All those big ticket items for your house like hot tubs and gazebos. There’s no better way to dream about your ideal home than getting close enough to touch those fancy fixtures you intend to put in your house – but never do.

9. Our favorite local celebrity Chef Blythe Beck makes an appearance today at the Good Housekeeping Research Institute. How fancy does that sound? The Central 214 executive chef appears at 6 p.m. today and we figure the cameras will be in tow for her show The Naughty Kitchen.

8. The music is a little less than inspired this year but could you ever imagine En Vogue at the State Fair? That becomes reality Oct. 3 on the Chevrolet Main Stage at 3 p.m. Think about it – if there was no En Vogue, we might not have Destiny’s Child. Then we wouldn’t have Beyonce and then no “Single Ladies” bit on Glee. Tragic. Oh, we do like Miranda Lambert. She performs on the same stage Oct. 17 at 8:30 p.m.

7. The Dallas Police Department’s Mounted Patrol Tour is so not about the horses.

6. This year’s butter sculpture is apparently a tribute to somebody’s puppy. I guess that’s cute but when do we get the Butter Tammy Wynette? I suggest on the Fair’s final day, they fry that sucker and dole it out. Seriously, if they can fry butter this year, it’s impossible for this sculpture to go to waste.

5. Big Tex is the ultimate cowboy although he should probably do some squats to work on that flat ass of his.

4. Mary Poppins. Showtunes, please? Thank ya, very much.

3. We love the people watching. OK, sometimes it’s cruising but really, where else are you going to get this cross-section of peeps in town. Certainly not at NorthPark or West Village. I can’t say where the primo lookout for lady watching is but the hot spots for DILF hunting are the Jeep and Hummer displays at the car show. Guar-an-teed. Eye candy mixes very well with cotton candy.

2. Women seem to rule this year. The almighty Oprah brings her show to the State Fair. Now that is huge. Most likely BFF Gayle will be on hand. But will Dr. Oz let Oprah have a turkey leg or a candy apple without rolling the fat intake equivalent out on a wagon? Total buzzkill.

1. Break away from your sadistic trainer to partake in fried food fantasies. Bonus points if you get your trainer eat a corn dog. But don’t let the fried foods rule. It is imperative to try the huge gooey cinnamon rolls in the food pavilion, the garlic sausage in a bun next to the Cotton Bowl and the roasted corn across from the Coliseum. You might hate yourself later. It’ll pass.

Happy State Fair!

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