Hey, newbie lesbian. Are you another ingredient in her sexy-lady stew?
Better order up a serving of emotional therapy for dessert
I recently started dating my first woman, and I am so into her!
The problem is she’s a real player. She’s been with a ton of women and doesn’t intend to stop anytime soon. She’s into me, too. But I don’t know how close I should get to her. I feel like I could easily fall for her especially since she’s the first lady I’ve considered having sex with.
Should I go for it or should I run?
Wanna Play One-on-One
I wonder do less-spoiled cultures have the same kinds of problems Americans always manage to afford?
In the United States, we want ours, and we want it now. And it better be big with the special sauce.
We’re raised to feel entitled, to want lots of stuff and to seek instant gratification regardless of any gnarly, long-term effects. Most of us only speak our native tongue, know diddly about world politics and would rather breathe janky air than park the car and take the bus.
My father, on the other hand, was born and raised in Naples, Italy in the ’20s. He rode his bike through bomb drop areas to haul huge water bottles back to his family who lived, of course, on top of a mountain. A steep one.
He came to America in his early 20s and put himself through medical school in a language he barely understood.
Whilst I suffered through my sophomore year at a fancy private college, I told him I wanted to go to therapy and asked him if he’d help cover the cost.
“You don’t need therapy,” he told me “You know what you need? You need a war fought on your soil.”
Even though Dad could use a smidge of the therapy himself, he did have a point. We’re so wrapped up in the minutia of our everyday lives that we have trouble seeing the big picture. If I was an advice columnist in Italy in the ’30s, dodging bombs on the way to the coffee shop, I wouldn’t be getting so many letters like yours. And when I say like yours, I mean letters where a disastrous situation is presented, but the person writing doesn’t want to see it because something irresistible is standing in front of it.
Opening up your heart and your legs to a woman who has, in no uncertain terms, told you’re just another piece of meat in her sexy lady stew is I’ll let you fill in the blank.
You can do it, and it will probably be one of the hottest nights of your life. But don’t come whining to me, or my Dad, when you need someone to help you pay for the therapy.
I’m a divorced woman. And I’m finally getting somewhere with a woman who happens to be my veterinarian. For the past year, the dog doctor has been flirting with me in front of the techs at the front desk. But she refuses to take it any further.
I decided to talk with her and find out what’s going on. And when I did, she panicked and then told me she’s in the middle of a divorce.
I told her I was divorced, too. That I knew where she was coming from.
Then she said she didn’t really have time for something like this. Maybe in a few months.
At that point, she seemed to not only be relieved but extremely happy. She said we could go out and have a social night, then changed it to having me over for dinner. Would you be confused?
I think she’s the nicest person and would really like to get to know her better. But wish I knew which direction she was going. Any ideas?
In Or Out?
Give this woman the time she asked for. She’s in the middle of a divorce and that’s large, Marge.
Go slowly. Get to know her. And stop worrying about where she’s at, because it sounds like she has no idea either.
You’d be much better off focusing on how fabulous you are. And when the time comes to make your move, you’ll feel so sexy and confident that it won’t even matter what she does.
She’s either going to be into you or she’s not. So all your fretting and detailed evaluation won’t change a thing. Your time would be much better spent enjoying the moment, going with the flow and seeing what happens when it happens.
Jen Sincero lives in Venice Beach district of Los Angeles. She’s a syndicated columnist and the author of “Don’t Sleep with Your Drummer” (MTV Books) and “The Straight Girls Guide to Sleeping with Chicks” (Fireside). www.jensincero.com.
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition, February 9, 2007.