I had to report to jury duty this week. It was looking like they wouldn’t reach my number and I would be dismissed. Instead, my group was selected for a mega-panel that was being considered for a two-week trial. We had to fill out a special questionnaire, with topics like, “How do you feel about corporations?” (my answer: “Not a fan”), “What organizations do you belong to or agree with?” (PFLAG, HRC, ACLU, here!) and “Do you believe in awarding mental anguish damages?” (sure).

Turns out, I wasn’t alone. Marisa Diotavlevi (who has accused me of stalking her in recent weeks) and Chris Heinbaugh were also on the panel. “I doubt I’ll be picked,” Chris told me, unconcerned. “I HOPE I am picked,” Marisa says. “It beats work.”

As it turned out, neither Marisa nor I were put on the jury. But Chris — chief of staff for Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert and former TV journo — was empaneled. I see it this way: Plaintiff: “He’s gay, he’s liberal, he’ll be favorable to us.” Defendant: “He works for a business-friendly Republican — he’ll toe the line on capping damages.” Thing is, they can’t BOTH be right.

At least Chris doesn’t have to sit next to the flatulent juror (sorry about that, Chris!)… and hopefully he won’t have to miss his upcoming P’Town vacay.

— Arnold Wayne Jones

Tags: Chris Heinbaugh, irony, judicial system, Politics

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