I just finished the 8-disc version of queer scribe Augusten Burroughs’ newest audiobook, “A Wolf at the Table” (Macmillan Audio, $29.95).Fans of his memoir “Running With Scissors” and its eccentric cast of characters should be forewarned, like Dallas Voice book reviewer J.S. Hall already did: This tale — about Burroughs’ dad and the abuse he inflicted on Augusten — is painful. Sometimes it’s just a horror story.Anyway, for the audio version, Burroughs didn’t just read the text. Some parts are augmented with foley-artist soundtracking. He also plucked some of his favorite musicians to add songs, making the audiobook a “modern sound” project. Check ’em out.

Lesiban twin Tegan Quin (her sister Sara and I have an interesting history) wrote “His Song”

Performer-poet and Patti Smith made “The Only One.”

My favorite tracks are Sea Wolf’s “Song of the Magpie”

and Ingrid Michaelson’s “Spare Change”

Big D keeps pumping out adult video studs. Some stay in Texas. Others head to Los Angeles — like Marc Williams and Jordan Vaughn.

The following link IS SO NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
Williams and Vaughn were buddies before they became porn stars. And they’ve previously hooked up in front of the cameras. But they’ve released another online session, “Buddies First Time — Naked at the Gym.”

But be prepared to bust out your credit card: $72 gets you a year’s access on Mightymen.com

In the latest Forbes magazine, Dallas is listed as the fourth most billionaire-populous city in the U.S., and ninth overall in the world. Makes sense: Dallas is a high-tech mecca, an oilman’s paradise (Houston didn’t make the top 10) and is home to the highest high-end retailer on the planet (Neiman Marcus). Our real estate market, famously, has not tanked like other cities. There’s money here, no doubt.

So what accounts for this backward jibe: “Where do Dallas’ wealthiest dine? World-class chefs like Top Chef’s Tom Colicchio and sushi maestro Nobu Matsuhisa have set up lavish outposts in this unlikely gourmet destination.” (Italics mine.)

What is so unlikely about Dallas as a gourmet destination? Does Forbes’ editor not read Esquire, which has twice in a row named Dallas restaurants the best in the country? Does his idea of Southwestern cuisine begin and end with pale imitator Bobby Flay, instead of with Stephan Pyles, Avner Samuel and Dean Fearing (two of whom were owners of the top Esquire restaurants, not by accident)? How many four-star hotel restaurants does one city need before it’s considered a likely destination? It’s not all barbecue and enchiladas down here, guys; we’ve even been known to drink white wine.

“Leglly Blonde,” the bubblicious Broadway about a Valley Girl at Harvard Law, will graduate to a national tour next year, and Dallas is one of the stops. The musical, co-produced by Dallas Summer Musicals, arrives July 21 and runs through August 9, 2009.

But to get a taste for the show, you don’t have to wait any later than tonight. A la last summer’s NBC reality show “Grease: You’re the One that I Want” — which served as an auditioning springboard for the disastrous Broadway revival (currently, peculiarly, nominated for a Tony for best musical revival) — MTV launches “Legally Blonde the Musical: The Search for Elle Woods” at 9 p.m.  The eight-week series follows 10 hopefuls who get to compete to replace Laura Bell Bundy, the show’s current star, in the leading role.

Personally, I want them to hold open auditions for the role of Bruiser. I think my Chihuahua, Popeye, would be a sure thing. Tell me I’m wrong.

This is how a nifty idea takes off.

Dallas PR honcho Cooper Smith, above, started his queer version of Daily Candy last October. And the original concept was to conquer North Texas and then go national. That’s what he’s doing: Smith has already launched the New York City version.

The Dallas’ Gay List is a great Monday-Friday source for what to do with your spare time. And the copy is pretty sassy: They’re not afraid to connect the Texas State Fair to deepthroating Fletcher’s Corny Dogs…

Smith says the next cities are: Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta. For more, visit GayListDaily.com

Ladies and gents … the June 2nd cover of National Enquirer.

Lindsay Lohan has announced she wants to marry Samantha Ronson.
The ‘Mean Girls’ star was seen sporting a ring at the Dolce and Gabanna party at the Cannes Film Festival, in France, and reportedly told her former lover, British model Calum Best, the pair are engaged.
Lohan, 21, and 30-year-old DJ Ronson — sister of music producer Mark Ronson — were also spotted at one of P. Diddy’s infamous boat parties kissing passionately and draped over each other.
According to Britain’s Daily Star newspaper, the ‘Georgia Rule’ star has apparently told friends she wants to have a partnership ceremony with Ronson at Dolly Parton’s Dollywood theme park in July.
She is also referring to herself as Lindsay Ronson.
Rumours Lohan and Ronson are more than just friends have been circulating for months.
Previously leaked emails from Lohan to Ronson said: “Babe, if I don’t have you in my life then I should just go die. I want to marry you.”
Reports also suggest that since returning from the world famous film festival, Lohan has moved into Ronson’s Los Angeles home.

— Provided by BANG Showbiz 

In light of the news that American Airlines will now be charging a minimum of $15 per checked bag on all flights, I was intrigued by a press release from Spirit Airlines. They are inaugurating service between Fort Lauderdale and Columbia, S.C. — and since everyone in my family but me lives in South Carolina, it caused me to notice. The introductory fare for these trips? Nine bucks. That’s 90 dimes; 36 quarters. That’s it.

So I wonder: When I visit my parents, if I come from South Florida, can I fly myself on American and have Spirit take my bags so I can save money?

OK, not sure this is totally offensive, but it pissed off my hubbie, so I thought I’d throw it out there.

During last night’s finale of “American Idol” (wow! way to go, Cook!), Fox teased the next season of its lie-detector game show, “The Moment of Truth.” In typical Fox fashion, it was kinda melodramatic, including this promo:

Announcer: “And get ready, ’cause we’re pressing the cringe factor further than ever before.”

Host asking question to male contestant: “Have you ever been physically attracted to another man?” (Audience gasps.)

I guess it’s the idea that even being attracted to a man would cause you to “cringe” is what sounds rude. Of course, ask me that, and I’d  happily run down a list of mancrushes. And it wouldn’t really offend me to be asked if I have ever been physically attracted to a woman — sure! Why not?

But aside from my dad — the straightest man I know, but also a total sweetheart to his gay son — I can  hardly think of living your life and not being attracted to a man (mostly, Brad Pitt). And I can’t see why, even for a straight guy, admitting it would be so awful — even on national TV.

Now, a lot of the questions on this show are about sex because people find that uncomfortable to talk about. But maybe it’s precisely because we don’t see his answer — a truthful “no” wouldn’t be such a big deal in any circumstance, and a truthful “yes” he’s comfortable with shouldn’t matter to anyone — that the segment seems homophobic. Cringe at an attraction? Geez, let’s hope I don’t go on the show and tell them what I would do (and have done) to another man. 

As a working travel journalist, I often get invited by cities, CVBs, regions and companies to tour their areas so that I might write travel stories that would be of interest to my readers. Some sound fun but impractical; some sound practical but fun-free.

And then there’s the one I just got, from the Branson, Mo., convention bureau.

I have been invited to enjoy a “family” vacation in the Ozarks. But I think my interpretation of the work “family” is different than theirs. Among the activities I can choose from: Showboat Branson Belle; Yakov Smirnoff in Concert; Hamner Barber Variety Show; Dolly Parton’s Dixie Stampede; and a stage production called “Noah: The Musical.”

Now, I appreciate the invitation. And Dolly is a bit of gay goddess in a blonde wig. But I think the Branson press office might have wanted to tailor the offerings more for a GLBT audience. Although I was intrigued by one option: “Baldknobbers Jamboree Show.” Sounds gayer than anything that’s ever happened in the Castro — and without the irony. But I think I’ll pass on this one.