Listen, Betch!

Posted on 24 Apr 2008 at 3:52pm
By Daniel A. Kusner – Life+Style Editor

Who knew the dude behind Kelly was straight?

OMG! Kelly is the fiercest hot-tranny mess.

Not only is comic actor Liam Sullivan an Internet superstar, he’s giving North America a new lingo. Since the movie "Valley Girl" is already 25 years old, perhaps it was time.

Sullivan is the creator of Kelly, the viral-video star of "Shoes." Kelly talks like a severely updated Valley gal: Instead of saying "shitbag," you pronounce it "shetbag." Instead of "bitch," it’s "betch!"

On Sunday, Sullivan performs as Margaret Cho’s opening act at Nokia Theatre in Grand Prairie. Dallas Voice caught up with him a couple of weeks ago.

Have you ever been to the Lone Star State? Never. But one of my favorite books is James Michener’s "Texas." I loved reading about the eccentric Sam Houston.

Liam, you’re straight. Were you concerned that most people would think you’re gay? It was never a concern. I’m in it for laughs — not for a political or social statement. Although, if the viewer finds that in my work, that’s great.

If Kelly asked Napoleon Dynamite out on a date, what would they do together? They’d probably go to a Dairy Queen for a Blizzard and discuss things that rule and things that suck. Kelly would say that Napoleon’s dancing rules, while Napoleon might think that Kelly’s lack of interest in the liger sucks.

If Kelly and Amy Poehler’s version of Christian Siriano dueled over who was the fiercest hot-tranny mess, who’d win? Amy’s Christian Siriano would say, "You’re a fierce hot-tranny mess" about 9,000 times. And then Kelly would betchslap her-him. Win for Kelly.

Kelly never blinks. Why? Does she have some sort of eye disorder? I think her glasses might need replacing. She’s just trying to see.

On Sunday, why should Dallas folks slap themselves silly if they miss your opening act? They’ll miss singing along with Aunt Susan — a never-released video in which I play two new characters. And, of course, there’s the live musical stylings of Kelly.

— Daniel A. Kusner

Nokia Theatre, 1001 Performance Place. Grand Prairie. April 27 at 8 p.m. $35-$49.50. 214-373-8000.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 25, 2008.

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