Social shutout

Posted on 09 Mar 2006 at 8:39pm

Cherished friendships are easier to repair than replace



Dear Candy,
One of my best friends recently stopped talking to me. I have known her since elementary school. We shared the same friends and hung out constantly. Now that we’re not talking, our mutual friends have stopped calling me.

They were the only social group I had, and now I have no friends. I feel lonely, like I’ve lost everything. Plus, I’m shy. Most likely I now will stay home on weekends and do nothing. What should I do?
J.R., 24 years old

Dear J.R.,
Have you asked your friend why she stopped talking to you? Was it due to a miscommunication? It could be she thinks you don’t want to hang out anymore.

Long-term friendships are precious. It’s worth the risk to ask what’s going on. Fixing friendships are easier than trying to find an entirely new social network. Gather up courage, and contact your old friend. Step up to the plate and make things right again. Good luck.

Dear Candy,
On weekends, my significant other and I go home shopping. We’re tired of renting, and we want a yard. The problem is, he wants to move to Irving, where he grew up and where homes are cheaper. I work downtown and want to find something in Oak Lawn or midtown, which are expensive neighborhoods. I can’t get him to consider a smaller place when, for the same money, we can have four bedrooms in Irving.

I get depressed thinking about moving to Irving and how it will stifle my Ethel Merman personality. So when our real estate agent has a great find off 183, I (oops) delete her message. What do I do show him the downtown areas or slit my wrists?
D.Q.

Dear D.Q.,
Communicate your priorities. Don’t start lying to him by omitting voicemails. If you act like an adult, he will take you seriously.

What’s wrong with looking at places he finds? It sounds like you differ on your dream homes he wants to settle down in the suburbs, you like an urban setting. Search for something in between. A good real estate agent should be able to help find something that suits you both. Good luck.

Candy Marcum is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Dallas. E-mail DearCandyLetters@aol.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition, March 10, 2006.

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