This is pole fitness, not pole dancing, people. Because one implies what your brother's Vegas bachelor party looks like, and the other is an athletic event requiring ridiculous strength in what my trainer keeps telling me is my "core." Steven "Princeton" Retchless (which is shortened to "Stretchless"; awesome) holds the title of the first-ever Male American Pole Fitness Champion, beating out the competition in October. Yes, this is a real thing. Let's watch him rehearse! Perform! And — in that third video, my favorite — pull it all off in some monster heels. Can we please petition to make this an official Olympic sport?