Starvoice • 08.19.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYMarlee+Matlin

Marlee Matlin turns 46 on Thursday. Matlin is the youngest woman at 21 to win the Oscar for best actress for Children of a Lesser God in 1981. She gained a new fan base by going lesbian as art professor Jodi Lerner in The L Word. She placed second in this year’s season of The Celebrity Apprentice.

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THIS WEEK

Venus and the sun entering Virgo should point the way to clean, simple aesthetics, but aspecting Uranus and Pluto on the way could trigger some very drastic housecleaning. Thorough is good; ruthless, not so much. “Pirate Jenny” captures the dark side. Nina Simone sings it on YouTube.

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VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Every birthday brings you closer to your remaining accomplishments. Consider how you can change the world. Your most daring ideas need harnessing and work. What’s stopping you?

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Your situation at home provokes anxieties. Focus on your responses. With focus, you can minimize the angst. With clearer insights you improve the external situations triggering them.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
When friends get on your nerves, shrug it off. Turn that irritability into productive criticism. Think before speaking, to improve techniques and productivity without dissing your colleagues.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
If you must channel Bette Davis at work, be harder on yourself than everyone else. Being brilliant doesn’t get you ahead; getting the job done does. Stay on track and get the job done brilliantly.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Turn that critical mind on your own roots, your sense of your childhood and family. Talking with siblings can help if you can listen with open heart and mind. It may not be easy.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Focus on sexual health. A complete physical check-up is always a good thing. Meditate also on your needs and desires. Are they at odds? Are they realistic? You may have some hard choices.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Feeling the pinch can strain a relationship. As long as your partnership comes first, pooling resources makes any future more affordable.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Rushing to succeed, you step on colleague’s toes. Apologize and exercise some foresight and consideration. Your teamwork skills are key to maximizing your own accomplishments.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Your idea of fun has more to do with embroidery or repairing furniture than shaking your bootie. Taking on challenges doesn’t mean following a herd. Your friends love you as you are.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Reconciling family issues and sexual values is more complicated than hiding the “gay” when Mom comes to visit. When tempted to criticize relatives, try asking questions instead.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Dressing and acting like a martinet could start a hot scene in the bedroom; in real life it’s a turn-off. Keep your eyes and ears open; your words well-measured and discrete.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Sexual healing is real; shopping isn’t. Amorous adventures at least offer possible rewards along with the risk. Think ahead about your financial, spiritual and physical health in any event.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 19, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 03.25.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYAmySedaris_Born_13994096

Amy Sedaris turns 50 on Tuesday. There are so many things we love about Sedaris and it all starts with her creepily funny character Jerri Blank in Strangers With Candy. Her books are just as hilarious, whether collaborating with her brother David or on her own with 2010’s Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.

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THIS WEEK

With Mercury turning retrograde in Aries, be careful of spontaneous speeches and actions. Mars conjunct Uranus makes it way too easy to leap before you look — metaphorically and literally. The good news is that mistakes and missteps will show up immediately. Be very ready to make corrections and apologies.

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PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Reconsider life’s priorities. Rude financial shocks should stimulate brilliant new ideas, although any new ideas now will need revision later. Stay patient.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
You’re certain to make a fool of yourself one way or another, so lighten up and let yourself be in on the joke. While taking yourself too seriously is surely disastrous, do be serious about safety.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
You need to worry better. Get clear on what’s provoking your anxieties so you can resolve them once and for all. Resolution won’t come instantly, but insights now will prove helpful later.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Arguments with friends are blamed on miscommunications. If you can’t patch things up now, a little time apart could be helpful. New friends could cause more confusion than they solve.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Anything you do will be observed. Consulting with your boss will help disperse any blame and make those mistakes more interesting. A good sense of humor will get you through.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Only get into arguments if you want to be proven wrong. You could learn a great deal, but don’t jump on any bandwagons. Novel notions will require closer examination and corrections.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Experimental sexual techniques will teach you more about what you don’t like than what you do. Scratch things off the list. Avoid anything risky for now. These are accident-prone times.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Arguments and misunderstandings with your partner are expected. Every relationship has challenges. Breaking up now is a mistake. Committing to a new relationship now is a bigger one.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Moderation is the key to fitness. Pushing too hard will do harm. Take disruptions at work in a calm, even stride. Are you being fair to colleagues? Consider those problems now. Decide later.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Daring gestures blow up in your face and creative efforts backfire. Stay in good humor and treat it all as a grand experiment. Learning what doesn’t work will serve you well in the future.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Household accidents are likely. Write down and design any bright ideas you have, but review them next month before fiddling with wires.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Your mouth is getting way ahead of your brain. Be very careful to converse only with people who aren’t easily offended. Writing is safer than talking —unless you’re worried about evidence.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition March 25, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 03.11.11

By Jack Fertigstarvoice

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Kevin Williamson turns 46 on Monday. The screenwriter scared us with his Scream trilogy and upgraded the teenage drama with Dawson’s Creek. The out writer keeps churning out the hits with his latest TV creation The Vampire Diaries and has just penned the script for Scream 4.

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THIS WEEK

A Mercury-Saturn opposition normally sharpens minds as well as tongues, but with Neptune in hard aspect to both planets, misguided bitchiness and ill-considered control games are a lot more likely. Examine your own anxieties. They are too easily projected onto others.

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PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
How does sex fit in your relationships, reflect your values and connect you to your deeper self? Take time to meditate, to understand better whatever gaps you may be trying to fill.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Ideas from the top of your head are probably wrong. Take time to figure out why. Well-meaning friends stumble in their efforts to assure you; give them credit for trying.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Being a raging control queen will not relieve the stress; getting some professional help could. Relax. Meditate. Doing nothing is the best answer. Consider process and priorities.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Your friends lead you astray if you give them a chance. It could be an adventure if you’re ready to pay the price. Think ahead, but remember the biggest regrets are the things you didn’t do.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Don’t keep secrets. Keep your attention elsewhere. You’re probably exaggerating threats from someone close to you. Staying focused on goals will help you keep perspective.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Resisting the urge to correct ideas can be the biggest challenge. A touch of surrealism can be fun. If practicality is necessary, ask how those wild ideas would work rather than insisting they can’t.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Whatever you say is likely to come out sounding dirtier than you intend. That can be great for fantasy role-play, but awkward in real life. Listen between the lines for what’s really important.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Enjoy some twisted fun now, but trying to make it last will get less fun. Criticism to or from your partner is more projection than either of you admit. Do not start or end a relationship now.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Worries about home and family are exaggerated, but not out of place. Meditation helps keep perspective. Clean up what you can, admit you were wrong and the rest takes care of itself.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Your mouth is determined to get you into trouble. Stick to the facts and accept lots of correction. Creative writing is safer than speaking. Just don’t let anyone read it.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Criticism at home challenges you to re-evaluate your career goals.  Some adjustments may be necessary, but do not doubt yourself! You need to stay especially sharp now.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Whatever you say is easily misunderstood. Hone your arguments on screen or paper where you can review your own sympathies and see how they affect your logic, or vice versa.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition March 11, 2010.

—  Kevin Thomas