Starvoice • 04.22.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYkevin-james

Kevin James turns 46 on Tuesday. The burly comedian and actor won the hearts of bear lovers everywhere with his show The King of Queens. Initially, his film I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry with Adam Sandler was deemed as insulting to the community, but GLAAD defended it saying, “in its own disarming way, it’s a call for equality and respect.”

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THIS WEEK

Mars, Jupiter and Eris are all lining up together in Aries. This is a very rare triple conjunction that increases impulsiveness, aggression and competitiveness. Fights and wars are very likely to break out. As ethnic and sexual/gender communities become more assertive there is likely to be a strong reaction. Think ahead and keep your eyes open!

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TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Personal problems on the back burner are liable to boil over. Current upsets could prove to be blessings in disguise. Swallow your pride and get perspective by helping others.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Your friends’ support help you achieve anything, but do you support them? Talk with them to see how your intentions dovetail and overlap. Generosity and synergy are keys to success.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
A little audacity goes a long way, but your eagerness for success comes off way too hard. Study The Art of War by Sun Tzu, not the march-and-slaughter techniques of General Ulysses Grant.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
The more you keep your mouth shut the more you will understand where your opportunities are. There is a time to roar, loud and fierce. Think surgical, not sledgehammer.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Trying to convince others you’re hot undermines the effect. If you have to tell people you are, you’re not. Just knowing it and feeling it will carry the message.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
What most people overlook about Libras is that you can be very shrewd competitors. A fierce side is coming out. Rein in that passion and think ahead.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Do your best work. Trying to best others will arouse anger. Keep that attitude in your exercise. Pushing yourself too hard is dangerous, and pushing others aside could start a fight.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Find a creative way to express your fierceness, in writing, song or onstage. Any artistic medium is good, but if it involves sharps, flames or chemicals, be careful!

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Are you channeling Scarlett O’Hara? Fight for your home or community, but pick your battles carefully and be careful not to cross swords needlessly with those closest to you.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Your mouth is more dangerous than ever. Efforts to be witty, provocative and incisive can go way over the top before you realize half of what you said. If it’s too brilliant, write it down.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Your finances could skyrocket or just blow up in your face. Discipline and hard work are the key. You may need to think fast and move fast, but be sure to think first. Guard against impulse.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Never forget the people who have helped you along. Even your opponents deserve respect at the very least for how they’ve challenged you and forced you to improve.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 22, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

America’s next top (role) model?

‘A List Dallas’ casting stuts out one gay couch potato even before getting started. You might be luckier

RICH LOPEZ  | lopez@dallasvoice.com

cpj
GETTING DOUCHEY WITH IT Wanna know how to go from d-bag to A-list? This writer may not know, but he’ll get you started. (Arnold Wayne Jones Dallas Voice)

Using my connections, I could get into most snazzy events in Dallas if I, you know, tried. I know enough highfalutin’ types to be able to drop a few names. This all comes with the territory of working for a newspaper — kinda A-list, right?

Maybe not so much. Along with all that comes a journalist’s salary, a nine-year old Ford Escape without a radio and a gym membership that rarely gets used. I might call it more D-list, though even Kathy Griffin is a rung up from me.

So when I heard The A List, Logo’s new reality series, was casting in Dallas, it was without question I’d need to apply. TV stardom could be my way to the big time, and since I can’t find a reliable Amazing Race partner, this could be my ticket. Already, thoughts of an auto-tuned dance album filled my head.

The first step was the online application, where I saw these words in the intro: “…presents the unprecedented invitation to the ‘A List’ in the age range of 20–mid 30s…” At 38, I might already be out of the game before filling in the first blank. But audacity is an A-list quality, so I proceeded. But I was gonna need help.

“Anyone can apply online, and if you fit what the network’s looking for, we’ll interview you,” said Chad Patterson, casting agent for the Dallas version of the show. “It’s my job to make each applicant an individual and stand out on their own.”

Patterson is in town this week through Dec. 19 doing follow-up interviews after an initial cut, but don’t think you can crash the sessions. Only those with stellar applications are invited to meet. (But you can still apply after he’s gone.)

As I filled in my name, occupation, etc., I halted at the blank for a MySpace/website address. Um, MySpace was A-list like five years ago. Hello! Maybe this is a list I don’t wanna be on.

The inevitable body image complex came up. The app asks for height and weight, which I get. Then it asked for my body type and waist size. Despite what Patterson told me, there seemed to be a specific response needed here.

“There are no wrong answers when applying to a reality show. This is all to uncover the reality of you,” he said. Yeah, but I needed more convincing that anything above a 31 inch waist wasn’t an immediate cut.

The app went on to ask about my relationship and if I have children; my personality type and why I think I’m fabulous — all easy enough. Then it listed celebs like Brad Pitt, Anderson Cooper, Madonna and Rachel Maddow as “dream date” choices. For some reason, Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn’t an option. This actually excited Patterson and he kinda made me believe I could be on the show. He’s that good.

“See? This is where your unique personality shines through,” he said. “You might be what we’re looking for, this anti-establishment guy who doesn’t buy into all the bullshit.” It was like he was looking into my soul over the phone.

What he doesn’t want, he said, is the self-entitled queen who thinks he’s fabulous just because. Patterson is looking for specifics as to what makes an applicant A-list material. A heavy helping of personality goes a long way, though he admitted he wouldn’t mind stereotypes.

“We do want to make it specific to Dallas so I’d love to find a gay boy who’s parents are in the oil business or even a gay cowboy. Stereotypes in certain regions will make it unique.”

Oh, that’s another thing: Patterson used the term “boy” a lot. This worried me.

“Yeah, it’ll be fun to have a few boys that are actually A-list, but we’re not ruling people out if you’re a go-go boy who’s broke but knows how to work it,” he said.

He wanted to offer one piece of advice to all the Dallas men (er, boys) who apply. Because there isn’t a guarantee the show will be cast like New York, there’s no telling the direction it could go.

“You shouldn’t decide it’s not for you before applying,” he said. “Just be open to it. There are no points off for anything.”

Until they read my application; which, at that point, it’s back to finding that Amazing Race partner.

To apply online, visit TheAList Casting.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 10, 2010.

—  Kevin Thomas