Having fun with the Olympics

Sweden’s decathlete Bjorn Barrefors gives new meaning to the term “Swedish meatballs.”

Last night, my good friend and fellow critic Elaine Liner at the Dallas Observer engaged in a Facebook exchange where we came up with a tongue-in-cheek list of rejected Olympic sports. Here’s what we came up with; what can you think of?

• Undressage

• Bicuriousathlon

• Javelina throw (Arkansas only)

• Oprah lifting

• Greco-Roman bailout

• Bobby tossing

• Goodminton

• Pumice horse

• Uneven parallel lives

• Quintuples tennis

• Individual vegetable medley

• Skeet Ulrich shooting

• 1000 meter staring

• 4000 meter relapse with Dr. Drew

• Mammary development (women’s gymnastic only)

• 10 meter platform driving

• Pallbearing

• Synchronized screaming

• Bitch volleyball

• Wanking (singles and pairs)

• Sudoku

• Tramp stamping

• Speedtalking

• Tumblring

• Discus-s

• 1000 meter race-baiting

• Deathlon

• Frottage

—  Arnold Wayne Jones