QUEER CLIP: ‘Transformers’

I know it’s pointless to attempt a serious critique of a movie aimed at developmentally disabled capuchin monkeys; Transformers: Dark of the Moon will make more in its opening weekend that probably all the Coen Brothers films combined. But it’s worth noting that it does so with a cast largely assembled from the Coens’ stable: Frances McDormand, John Malkovich and a returning John Turturro add credibility if not much class or logic to the latest save-the-world-from-robots actioner. (Why would anyone trust a race that gives themselves the name “Decepticons”?) But I do have some questions for that abortionist responsible for this monstrosity, Michael Bay:

• I wonder why the only gay people in your movie — Ken Jeong (from The Hangover) and Alan Tukyk — are portrayed as psychopaths who assault men in the rest room or fey closet cases. (Oh, right — none of the people in your movies manifest anything close to genuine human qualities.)

• Do you have no sense of scale? How does a 2-seater sports car like a Camaro transform into a robot the size of a house? And speaking of size, when Sentinel Prime (voiced, in some strangely ironic ways, by Leonard Nimoy, mocking his Spock character) escapes, why does the military have such a hard time finding him? He’s 60 feet tall and dense enough that he probably tilts the earth off its axis.

• The same goes for your action sequences: If you upchuck so much visual vomitus at the audience at one time, we never have time to orient ourselves. I know you think you are showing balletic violence, but it’s just incoherent. Even the good scenes are obscured by all the chaos. (The best sequence is the most human: Commandos soar in wing suits.)

• Who do all these robots from zillions of years away turn into cars? (It’s easy to spot the good guys: They are all Chevys.) And why do they talk like ghetto gangstas and Italian goombahs and British fops? Don’t they have their own culture?
• Can I have your paycheck?

— Arnold Wayne Jones

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition July 1, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

Weekly Best Bets

Friday 05.20

Just don’t poop on the runway
The Four Legged Fashion Collection returns where canines strut couture and then it’s auctioned off. These aren’t your PetSmart sweaters. Designers like Nicolas Villalba and Micheal Simon contributed to the 30-plus collection. Don’t need to dress the doggie? The auction block is filled with other items to bid on, all of which benefits animal rescue groups.

DEETS: Dallas Trade Mart, 2100 N. Stemmons Freeway. 6:30 p.m.
$75. FourLeggedFashion.org

 

Friday 05.20

Prick up your ears
The latest show at 1111 Studio Gallery gives face time to artist Eric Trich. He grabbed a lot of attention as one of the younger artists on the local scene. Seems like he’s come into his own with his new solo show Can You Hear Me Now? The show also features a performance by Sour Soul.

DEETS: 1111 Studio Gallery, 1111 Dragon St. 7 p.m.
$5. 1111StudioGallery.com.

 

Thursday 05.26

Closet cases
MBS Productions’ new comic farce Outrageous Sexy (nekkid) Romp turns the tables on being in the closet. When one half of a gay couple comes to the realization he may be straight, can his drag queen friend Lovely Uranus help him figure it all out? Or does he keep the peace in the closet?

DEETS: Stone Cottage Theater, 15650 Addison Road. 8 p.m.
$18–$22. MBSProductions.net

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition May 20, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas