Chronicle blogger blames ‘It Gets Better” project for LGBT teen suicides

Kathleen McKinley

Kathleen McKinley

Kathy McKinley is a self-described “conservative activist” who blogs for the Houston Chronicle under the monicker “TexasSparkle.” In a recent post McKinley took the “It Gets Better” project to task for what she believes is their culpability in the suicides of LGBT teens:

“These kids were sold a bill of goods by people who thought they were being kind. The “It will get better” campaign just didn’t think it through. They didn’t think about the fact that kids are different from adults. They handle things differently. They react differently. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE KIDS. You can grumble all day long how unfair it is that straight teens can be straight in high school, and gay kids can’t, but life is unfair. Isn’t the price they are paying too high?? Is it so much to ask them to stand at the door of adulthood before they “come out” publically? Because it may save their life.”

McKinnley’s primary confusion about the “It Gets Better” campaign (other than its name) is the assumption that the goal is to encourage teens to come out of the closet, or encourage them to become sexually active:

“Why in the world would you give teenagers a REASON to tease you? Oh, yes, because the adults tell you to embrace who you are, the only problem? Kids that age are just discovering who they are. They really have no idea yet. The adults tell you to “come out,” when what we should be telling them is that sex is for adults, and there is plenty of time for figuring out that later.”

I would like to encourage Ms. McKinley to watch the “It Gets Better” project’s founder Dan Savages’ video. Please, Ms. McKinley, listen, and tell me if you hear Savage or his partner Terry say anything about teens coming out or having sex. I think what you’ll hear them say is that all of the things that most kids, gay and straight, dream of (falling in love, starting a family, having the support of their parents, co-workers and friends) are possible for LGBT teens. I think you’ll hear them talk about how difficult their teen years were, and about the fears they had that their parents would reject them, that they’d never find success and that they’d always be alone.

Choosing to have sex is one of the most personal decision a person will ever make. For LGBT people, choosing to come out is another. I have not watched all of the thousands of videos from people who have participated in the “It Gets Better” project. It’s possible that there are a few that tell kids to come out right away, or to become sexually active, but I doubt it.

Every video in the project that I have seen has had the same simple message: that the person making it understands how tortuously awful the experience of being Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual or Transgender in Junior and High School can be, but there is a wonderful world of loving, vibrant, successful, engaged LGBT adults out there and if queer teens can just hang on, just for a few years, they can join it. I doubt that any of the contributors to the project think that hanging on for a few years will be easy. I suspect that most of them remember, with excruciating clarity, contemplating ending those temporary years of terror with a permanent solution and that is why they choose to reach out.

I grew up without role models, where people like Barbara Gittings, Bayard Rustin and Harvey Milk didn’t exist . I grew up in a small town where the two men with the pink house were talked about in hushed tones that immediately fell silent when I walked into the room, because it wasn’t appropriate for children’s ears. I grew up in a world where my mother wouldn’t tell me what “gay” meant, where the evening news was turned off if it reported on the AIDS crisis, where I wasn’t given words to describe who I was, and so the only word I could find was “alone.”

I was lucky. My suicide attempt failed.

I was lucky, I survived, and went to college, and found a church that embraced and loved LGBT people. That’s where I met doctors and lawyers and business owners and teachers who were like me. That’s where I met two wonderful women who had built a life together for over 50 years. That’s where I discovered I wasn’t alone and that being gay didn’t mean that i couldn’t have all of those things I’d dreamed of.

That is what McKinley missed in her blog post. In her haste to lay blame on anything other than the overwhelming prejudice perpetuated by schools, churches and governments against LGBT people McKinley missed the fact that kids need role models. In her rush to shove queer teens back into the closet she forgot that human beings need the hope of a better world, lest they give up in despair.

McKinley got one thing right in her post. She titled it “Are Adults Also To Blame For Gay Teen Suicides? Yes.” Adults are to blame for LGBT teen suicides. When adults hide the stunning diversity of God’s creation from their children they create a vision of reality that some of those children can’t see themselves in. When adults tell LGBT teens that they should be invisible then it is all too clear who is to blame when those teens believe them, and take steps to make themselves invisible permanently.

To all the LGBT kids out there: it does get better. There are adults who care about you and want all the wonderful things you dream of to come true, but you have to hang on. If you need to keep who are secret to remain safe then do so. If you need someone to talk to please call the Trevor Project at 866-4-U-Trevor (866-488-7386).

—  admin

Did anyone really think these gay Doritos ads were gonna air during the Super Bowl?

We know Plano-based Frito-Lay is uber-gay-friendly and all, but seriously, this is the freakin’ Super Bowl. And it’s only Super Bowl XLV, not Super Bowl LXV.

The two gay Doritos ads below began making the rounds in the blogosphere yesterday, with some suggesting one of them might air during the big game.

Well, GLAAD did what many bloggers failed to — they actually contacted Frito-Lay. (Do most bloggers even have phones?) Here’s GLAAD’s explanation:

There has been tremendous confusion however, about what these ads actually are. Some say they could run during the Super Bowl – others say the ads were created by fans of Doritos, and will never air anywhere. So we reached out to Frito-Lay to find out what the truth is.

According to Frito-Lay Director of Public Relations Chris Kuechenmeister, the latter is true. He said the pair of ads in question were two out of 5,600 that were submitted to the company for its “Crash the Super Bowl” contest. Furthermore, the YouTube page on which the ads appear is a fan-made page, and not the official page for the Crash the Super Bowl contest. Kuechenmeister said the ads in question were not among the finalists chosen by a panel of judges, and have no chance of airing during the Super Bowl or otherwise.

—  John Wright

Clearing the confusion on lifting the stay: Walker’s stay order will expire as originally scheduled next Wednesday

Ken Upton, senior staff attorney in Lambda Legal’s South Central Regional Office here in Dallas, has cleared up the confusion over Judge Vaughn Walker’s ruling on lifting the stay of his order overturning Proposition 8.

Upton explains, in a comment to an earlier Instant Tea post, that Walker has declined to extend the stay he issued last week, but instead to let it expire as originally scheduled on Wednesday, Aug. 18, at 5 p.m. PST.

The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has the option to issue its own stay of Walker’s ruling against Prop 8. I have heard a rumor that I can’t even begin to confirm yet that the 9th Circuit isn’t likely to issue a stay. If that is how it turns out, same-sex couples will again be able to legally marry in California beginning next Wednesday.

The question still remains as to whether the Yes on 8 campaign — which unsuccessfully defended Prop 8 in Walker’s court — even as legal standing to appeal Walker’s ruling. The actual defendants in the case were Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Attorney General Jerry Brown, both of whom declined to defend the amendment and both of whom issued statements this week saying same-sex couples should be allowed to legally marry. Since the Yes on 8 people are actually only “defendant intervenors,” they might not have legal standing to appeal Walker’s decision, some experts have said.

—  admin