In other Rangers news, The Onion reports attempts to woo Oswalt with the Round-Up

While everyone is focusing in on Josh Hamilton’s fall off the wagon, The Onion reported today of the Texas Rangers work to bring in popular free agent Roy Oswalt. The guy has stated he wants to play in Texas, so what better way to show him what Texas (Dallas, really) is all about than to take him to the Round-Up? Take that, Boston.

The Onion posted this story today in which the team gives him a unique look at Dallas nightlife with visits to Havana, Zippers, Sue Ellen’s  and the Round-Up.

According to Oswalt, despite the “kind of weird” nature of the conversation, his visit started much as any recruiting visit might. The former Astros and Phillies ace was met at the airport by team officials, including current manager Ron Washington and GM Jon Daniels, as well as two handsome, clean-cut young men who identified themselves only as “Tex” and “Kevin.”

A visit to the Ballpark in Arlington followed, during which Washington and Daniels espoused the benefits of living in an “exciting and open-minded” town such as Dallas, and Tex and Kevin repeatedly asked to see his arm, praised its muscularity, and offered to rub it or ice it down if needed.

“Then,” Oswalt said, “oh, God, then they took me out on the town.”

The last official thing we know about Oswalt is that he’ll likely sign with St. Louis Cardinals, another team he wanted to play in. At least, that’s what this blog speculates. Perhaps they had a better bar scene.

—  Rich Lopez

Concert Notice: Moby to DJ at Lizard Lounge

As posted on the Lizard Lounge’s website, techno maestro Moby is headed this way in December to perform a DJ set at the club’s 20th anniversary celebration. According the site, he was one of the clubs first major acts to play there back in 1992, so it’s like a full circle thing for the queer musician. From LizardLounge.com.

Lizard Lounge opened on Dec. 19, 1991. With existing locations in Houston and Austin, Lizard Lounge quickly become a Dallas nightlife institution. The Lizard Lounge remains one of Dallas’ premier venues for live and electronic music. Past performers include Moby, Paul Oakenfold, Paul Van Dyk, Fat Boy Slim, Benny Benassi, Skrillex, Afrojack & Deadmau5. The Lizard Lounge also presents live acts. Previous live performers include The Prodigy, 311, Barenaked Ladies and Nitzer Ebb.

Today, Lizard Lounge remains one of Dallas’ most versatile live music venues, with a capacity of over 1000 guests.

The event goes down Dec. 17. Tickets are $50 and $75 for VIP and on sale now.

—  Rich Lopez