Starvoice • 12.02.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Ann Coulter turns 50 on Thursday. The political commentator/author has never been a friend to the gay community, but her association with Taylor Garrett of A-List: Dallas resulted in alleged hate crimes against Garrett. Coulter still stirs the pot on her own, recently calling for Occupy protestors to be shot and publicly insulting John McCain. You know, the usual stuff.

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THIS WEEK

This week’s lunar eclipse will be partially visible in New Zealand, but felt everywhere as brainstorms lead too easily to arguments. Rather than inadvertently showing off what you don’t know, think about what you need to learn.

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SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Standing up to authority will get you smacked down. It’s possible you could be wrong. Think ahead! Be very pragmatic about your goals and how you intend to make them.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Working hard is necessary. Working too hard is dangerous. Proper rest helps you work smarter. If you must tear apart authority figures, make sure they’re far away. Politicians are fair game.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Listen to that deep inner voice as you consider sexual adventures. Trying to prove yourself can lead to injuries. Be especially careful of your mid and lower backside.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Turn lazy moods into times for creative reverie. Tough, honest introspection yields powerful insights. Guard against crankiness with your partner. You need to face some hard truths there.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Turn on the charm at work. Just don’t be too pushy about it. Jealous colleagues accuse you of brown-nosing. Be considerate, but don’t worry much. If you can’t win, don’t play the game.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Playful teasing gets out of hand. That goads you into adventures that will test your limits. Be careful what you talk yourself into. You’ll discover things that you’ve tried not to admit.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Conversations with friends degenerate into arguments. What do you need to prove? Aren’t you on the same side? Sexual tension is feeding into stress. Keep your home ready for company.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Pay attention to anxieties. They can teach you a lot about yourself. New info from a distant relative or a spiritual teacher can help you better to understand family problems.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Playfulness is good for the soul. Worrying too much about the outcome inhibits your creativity and your growth. Get wild. What you release can offer insight into your work and your health.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Burying problems at home only makes them worse. Have the arguments and get them out of the way. Just remember that one of you is wrong and will realize it soon. Even odds on who that is.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Work out any domestic problems with your partner where money’s involved. No partner? Down-home charm can help you find one. Some witty flirtation will help get things started.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Arguments with friends over money can lead to betrayal, hurting you a lot more than you would expect. Don’t worry about the future. You’ll figure it out as it comes present.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 2, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

RICH’S MIXTAPE: Super Bowl

With so many concerts going on during Super Bowl Week, clearly music is just as much a part of the game as the game itself. The Black Eyed Peas, Prince and Duran Duran may rock us out, but try these tunes might get help get your game face on.

“Lone Star Uprising” — Hydroponic Sound System: This Dallas band’s downtempo dub is more vibe than anthem, but the Bowl is definitely a shining moment for the state … especially with the Cowboys nowhere in sight.

“Taxi Cab” — Vampire Weekend: Going to the actual game? Uh, don’t bother driving. By train or by cab, you’re better off because parking is going to be a beeyotch.

“Fair Game” — The Like: OK, once that coin toss happens, we do want good sportsmanship throughout … whether on the field or during the drinking games.

“Big Muscle” — DJ Bill Bennett: Yes, most gay men can’t resist some of those beefy players on the field. And since this is pretty much it for the season, this is the time to appreciate and salivate.

“Another Piece of Meat” — The Scorpions: Well, they are! See “Big Muscle.”

“Spit in Your Face” — Kevin Rudolph with Lil Wayne: Just because we want fair, doesn’t mean we want wussies out there. A little trash talk is a good thing — gets the blood going.

“Everything to Lose” — Dido: Both teams are previous Bowl winners so it’s hard to feel sorry for the losers, but there has to be one. Sorry, Steelers.

“Keep on Runnin’” – Journey: Those of us watching from the living room will be yelling something like this at the players. And yes, we do yell at the TV. Don’t question it.

“You Lost Me” – Christina Aguilera, pictured: The Burlesque star will be singing the national anthem and for this we are glad. For the inevitable person who doesn’t understand the game, asks a bunch of questions and still doesn’t get it — well, just play this.

“Four Minutes” – Madonna with Justin Timberlake: At some point in the game, there will be four crucial minutes that could make or break either team.

“You Win Again” – Jerry Lee Lewis: This is what one coach will say to the other in that midway handshake. Either that or something else altogether.

“Game Over” – V.V. Brown: Yes, four 15-minute quarters should equal one hour, but don’t complain. Just listen to some Christina. Otherwise, after a few hours of game time, rad commercials and snacks, it’s time to focus on basketball.

— Rich Lopez

—  John Wright