Save the Day: Get registered and VOTE


There are less than three weeks left — 18 days, as of today (Friday, Sept. 23), to be exact — to register to vote in what may be the most important election of our lifetimes. And no, considering the candidate the Republicans have put on the ballot, that’s not hyperbole.

And remember, there is more at stake here than the presidency. We will be electing U.S. senators, U.S. representatives, state leaders. The future of the U.S. Supreme Court is on the line.

Are you registered? Do you even know for sure? Find all the information you need to know for sure at Texas’ statewide elections website. Dallas County voters can check here for their status, and Tarrant County voters can look here.

And now, just to drive the point home, here’s a whole shit-ton of famous people talking about how important it is to vote Nov. 8.

(Seriously. Register. Vote.)

—  Tammye Nash

Laugh riot

Ellen cracks us up, on stage or page


4 out of 5 stars
by Ellen DeGeneres
(Grand Central Publishing, 2011). $27; 241 pp.


Sometimes it’s hard not to laugh. When your 4-year-old says something hilariously profound, you bite your lip, knowing that you’d be in trouble if you bust a gut.  If your beloved does something silly but well-meaning, you twist your lips to avoid the outburst you know is coming. When your great-aunt shows up at holiday dinner dressed like that, you know there’d better not be even one “Ha!” to escape your lips.

Yep, sometimes it’s hard not to laugh — but you’ll want to when you read this book. “As it turns out, writing a book is hard,” Ellen DeGeneres says.

This is her third book, each one sharing the ellipses-in-the-title feature. She didn’t think writing it would be difficult because, after all, she has a lot to say every day for at least an hour. There’s a lot of talking on a talk show, you know.

There’s a lot of listening, too, and daydreaming is not allowed. DeGeneres listens to many famous people — one of her favorites is her wife, Portia de Rossi, who is “beautiful and one of the nicest people [she has] ever met.” No, she tells nosy people, they aren’t planning on having a family because “there is far too much glass” in their house. Besides, first you have to give birth.

“I won’t go into specifics,” says DeGeneres, “but ouch and no thank you.”

In case you’re thinking that this book is all fluff, you’ll also find useful advice in its pages. DeGeneres gives readers hints on being a supermodel and how to know what clothes will come back in fashion. She writes about polls and why people shouldn’t put too much faith in them. She offers several ways to gamble in Las Vegas, gives kudos to funny women who’ve paved the way for people like her.

But will you find laughs? Yes … but.

Seriously… I’m Kidding is like having a 241-page monologue in your lap. DeGeneres’ wicked wit beams bright from almost each page. But there are times when she dives below silliness. An entire page devoted to sound effects? Four pages of drawings for your child to color? Jokes like these and a few go-nowhere “short stories” may leave readers scratching their heads.

But if you’re a fan of DeGeneres’ talk show or standup, you’ll find a treasure-trove of classic humor that you won’t want to be without. For you, Seriously… I’m Kidding will be a hard book to miss. And we’re not kidding.

— Terri Schlichenmeyer

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 11, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens