Naughty but nice: Sexy last-minute stocking stuffers

CheapUndiesSanta checked his list twice for who’s naughty and nice so your Christmas is filled with sugar — and now some spice.

Slaphappy Flat Vibrator. Marketed as the Swiss Army knife of vibrators (which, granted, maybe isn’t the best tag line for a device you’re putting up your hoo-ha, but I digress), the Slaphappy bendable five-in-one flat dildo is made of 100 percent body-safe silicone, cycles through eight vibrating modes, and stays super quiet so family brunch isn’t too awkward in the morning. $50. SlapHappy.com.

L. Condoms. Wrap up your love with “the most natural, pleasurable way to practice safe sex,” according to Fast Company magazine. For every L. condom purchased, one is distributed in a developing country where the brand partners with developing organizations to support women and HIV/AIDS prevention. Plus, one-hour delivery is available in Brooklyn and San Francisco for all you bang bros too lazy to hit the bodega. $15 for 12. ThisIisL.com.

Knix Women’s Underwear. Figure-flattering Knix underwear for women features cutting-edge technology to keep your partner fresh, dry and confident in three outperforming fabrics: the original seamless basic, sexy lace for a special night out and a sporty cut for active lifestyles. $20-$38. Knixwear.com.

Adam & Eve Finger Bangers. For hesitant bottoms who like a light touch, Adam & Eve mini-vibrating finger bangers are designed with a tapered tip to focus vibrations for maximum pleasure in two styles — ribbed blue and nubby purple — to drive your partner wild with every pulse. $8. AdamAndEve.com.

kylovepassionEZ Reach Prostate Massager. Backdoor play gets a boost with the EZ Reach Prostate Massager featuring a unique textured surface and curved shaped for ultimate satisfaction while a maneuverable tipped handle stimulates as he moves it around — because every time a prostate sings, an angel gets its wings. $15. AdamAndEve.com.

K-Y Love Pleasure Gel Lubes. Intensify your sexual connection with this line of couples’ pleasure gels from K-Y – which include “Sensuality” and “Passion” varieties – to take your body-connecting experience to a tingly new level. $17. K-Y.com.

Cheap Undies. There’s a veritable smorgasbord of skivvies to choose from at Cheap Undies – including third-party brands like CIN2 and Ginch Gonch – but this holiday season you can make his assets shine with the Golden Luxe Briefs collection, a super-soft cotton blend in saturated tones and shimmering waistbands for that Midas touch. $10. CheapUndies.com.

— Mikey Rox

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: Mouth-watering calendars from Colt

!colt_web-0315We’re gay men, we like to look at sexy bodies. And few are sexier than the models from Colt Studios. With a selection of 2016 wall calendars, you can have your choice of almost any look that pleases the porn lover in your life, from leathermen to bubble butts to couples and even uncharacteristically twinkie young men from Colt’s Buckshot label. And the Colt online store also offers items a simple coffee mug to sex toys and of course DVDs. And if you use the code STUFFER15 at checkout, you can save 25 percent on select items. You’re welcome. Calendars from $15.95.

Available at Colt Studio Store.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: The gift of music

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Two new hot music box sets might be the perfect idea for the music lover on your list:

David Bowie, Five Years 1969-1973. The iconic cover of the U.K. edition of David Bowie’s 1971 release The Man Who Sold the World features the queer icon sprawled out in a silky gown, pensively gazing forward. His skin is soft; his hair is long. He looks like a pastel painting. The Man Who Sold the World was just Bowie’s second album and already it was clear: Bowie would not be playing by the rules. Some 50 years later, he still doesn’t.

A new album due in early January, Blackstar, Bowie’s 25th, is said to bend all expectations, morphing his left-of-center rock genesis into Kendrick Lamar-influenced hip-hop. It sounds crazy, and hopefully it is. But even in the early ’70s, Bowie’s restless curiosity and his own fantastical forays were apparent as he challenged the zeitgeist with deviations of gender and genre. He crushed the paradigm. He made waves. He reinvented.

In just five years, from 1969-1973, he released six studio albums. His eponymous debut established his short-lived psychedelic folk phase, characterized by the landmark single “Space Odyssey” and the career-foreshadowing sound of Bowie’s life-affirming, nine-minute anthem, “Cygnet Committee” (producer Tony Visconti and Bowie himself offer track-by-track commentary on the album in a comprehensive book within the collection). December 1971 signaled a shift in Bowie’s sound. Hunky Dory was the first time Bowie shed his musical skin, introducing a prominent theatricality that would mark most of his later recordings. It surely wasn’t coincidence that “Changes,” a single from the disc, launched his latest career chapter. (Nor was it accidental that he exuded femininity as Marlene Dietrich on the album’s glam cover — he was inspired by a photo book of hers he brought to the cover shoot.)

With later releases, especially the sexually wound The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, Bowie continued to cut through convention, queering his aesthetic, mapping a road less traveled. Why yes we did need an entire album about a bisexual alien rock star, and this was it. Heck, we did need (and still need) David Bowie, period. And so did Boy George. And so did Adam Lambert. This expansive collection capturing Bowie’s first very prolific five years, which also includes two live offerings, is a thorough exploration of the stage Bowie set — the one that would forever change rock music and queer culture.

HMO122115ALANIS1Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill (Deluxe Edition). Alanis Morissette knows a good burn when she writes one. In 1995, she lashed out at an ex-lover, a transcendent career move that catapulted the Canadian songstress to international Grammy-winning stardom. “Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?” was the burn, the “Hello. It’s me” meme of 1995. And the song it’s from, Morissette’s mega-hit “You Oughta Know,” was one of the greatest early-’90s catharses.

By the time the song blazed the radio charts, Alanis had already recorded two other albums (this was her third), but “You Oughta Know” — and the album it would appear on, Jagged Little Pill — elevated the singer-songwriter to massive mainstream heights because who doesn’t like a song about a woman taking the piss out of a man. With Tori Amos and Fiona Apple on her team, The Great Estrogen Takeover was in full force. When it came to Alanis, the world was transfixed and transformed. Her anger translated to unheard-of-these-days-unless-you’re-Adele album sales, moving a whopping 33 million copies around the world. And for those who found moxie in Alanis’ scathing tear-downs (a lot of us, apparently), or her not-so-ironic ironies or her chill “Hand in My Pocket,” it was just what the music doctor ordered.

That emotion-fueled candor teemed throughout Jagged Little Pill, defining not only Alanis’ career but the very complicated facets of our own lives. How we’re all sinners. How we’re all imperfect. How we’re all still learning. Morissette wasn’t even 20 when she recorded these songs, a fact made clear on a collection of demos released in conjunction with this anniversary reissue. The intriguing demos reveal an artist still in self-discovery mode. On “London,” she muses on pimples, her cervix and “the boy with the androgynous song”; “Superstar Wonderful Weirdos” celebrates fringe life, and “No Avalon” examines white privilege.

The album’s official tracks and those aforementioned demos make one thing clear: The truth of Jagged Little Pill is timeless. Morissette doesn’t pretend to know everything. She knows we don’t know everything. We still don’t. “What it all comes down to,” she says, “is that we haven’t got it all figured out just yet.” Twenty years later, the question Jagged Little Pill now poses is: Do we ever?

Chris Azzopardi

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: Something bubbly

!prosecco-web_0291This is the only time of year many people drink champagne, but the truth is, most sparkling wine isn’t actually champagne, just bubbly from America and other places. You can get a champagne if you want, but why not try a prosecco? From the Italian company Ruffino (available with dishwasher-safe mini flutes) to American-based Barefoot (also available in a four-pack mini; its prosecco is also from Italy), you can toast the new year or just enjoy some wine.

Available at places like Kroger, Sigel’s, Sprouts and other retailers and online.

 

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: Cujo couture

Hollywood Feed BowtieThere’s no reason Fido can’t dress as dapper as his dads. The Mississippi Made bowtie collection gives your dog a chance to change his look depending on his (your) mood. Available in a host of styles and sizes. $18.99

Available at Hollywood Feed locations and online.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: Nice baskets… both kinds!

Bamboxers

OK, time for another Holiday Gift Idea — actually, two! And both show you what can be done with a basket.

First off, let’s gets some personal fashions going. Bamboxers is a startup underwear company (still finishing up its Kickstarter) that claims to offer “the most comfortable boxers in the world,” made from bamboo fibers. Ho-hum, everyone says they are the most comfortable. Thing is, I think they might be right: The pair I tried hug in all the right places and don’t bunch in the wrong ones — you really do feel like you’re going commando. And the touch is incredible soft as well.

Because the company is just getting started, you can pre-order yours for your hubby in time for Christmas delivery, and even get on the ground floor of the trend with some good subscription deals. From about $12.

800 baskets_0279Bamboxers.com.

That’s one kind of nice basket you will look forward to unwrapping on Christmas morning — here’s another. 1-800-BASKETS offers a range of hand-crafted gourmet baskets to appeal to the unique desires of your special someone.

Take, for instance, the tea lover’s basket, complete with mini-teapot, Tazo cinammon apple teabags, Twinnings, tea cookies and jams. And that’s just one example. There are combinations with fruits, wines. And you can also get things like Cheryl’s Cookies, hand-frosted, individually-wrapped shortbread sweets that make great stocking-stuffers.

1800Baskets.com.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Holiday Gift Idea: Come clean with Kiehl’s

soapWhen we published our Holiday Gift Guide, we told you to look for more ideas online. Now that the rush of Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday is over, we decided to start up with more gift notions.  To start us off, we decided to come clean … like, scrub-dub clean. This season, beauty product line Kiehl’s is offering a limited edition trio of soaps specifically for me, designed by the “lumberjacks of fashion,” Costello & TagliaPietra. It’s a fresh and manly way not just to get groomed, but do some good — proceeds benefit the fighing-hunger charity Feeding America. $32.

Kiehl’s, 80 Highland Park Village.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

2014 Holiday Gift Guide online special: Gifts for the gifted from Gifted

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Looking for a gift for that special someone who knows how to follow the trends without following the crowd? Then the GMan line of jewelry from Treska has you covered, with bracelets made from a variety of eclectic components including agate, semi-precious stones, glass beads, shell, ceramics, metals, plastics, resin, fabrics and wood.

$5-$20, available at Gifted, 4001 Cedar Springs Road.

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Fido wants to be fashionable this holiday season, too, and the right necklace — uh, collar — can be the perfect accessory to finish off that perfect ensemble. Made from jacquard woven nylon with welded steel D-rings and heavy-duty side-release snaps, and available in a variety of patterns — including several Christmas prints, these 1-inch wide collars from Mud Puppies are perfect for medium- and large-sized dogs. But a little dog can rock the fashion, too!

$6.99. Gifted, 4001 Cedar Springs Road.

 

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Everyone has that special “frenemy” to buy for at Christmas. And what could be more fitting than the Nemesis White Triangle watch? With Japanese quartz movement, a durable mineral crystal to prevent scratches, a stainless steel case and a leather band, the Nemesis White Triangle watch may last longer than your friendship.

$169. Available at Gifted, 4001 Cedar Springs Road.

 

 

—  Tammye Nash

2014 Holiday Gift Guide online special: Fleet of foot

137321-1_3QLet your athlete know you know they can handle the attention by gifting them with these GBX Holt sneakers, inspired by high fashion but built for the streets. The sneakers offer trendy high-top style and a vulcanized rubber outsole.

$70. Available in black and dark brown at GBXShoes.com.

—  Tammye Nash

2014 Holiday Gift Guide online special: ‘Cher’-ing some holiday cheer

Cher Upon a Midnight ClearWe gay people love our divas, and Cher is one of the diva-est. So it seems only fitting that there should be a book in which Cher saves Christmas.  “If 8-year-old Luca can’t convince his parents to give him the white ice skates he has his heart set on, Christmas is going to be ruined. Who does a child turn to when he can’t even county on Santa Claus?” Why, Cher, of course. Cher Upon A Midnight Clear is the “Christmas fable for children of all ages and the homofriendly/genderqueer holiday story your modern family has been waiting for.”

Cher Upon A Midnight Clear, by Matteo B. Bianchi. $8. Available online at FourCatsPress.com/new-releases.

—  Tammye Nash