Starvoice • 10.07.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Brett Favre turns 42 on Monday. The former NFL quarterback has an oustanding record that includes three consecutive MVP titles and a Super Bowl ring. We kind of forgot all that during his sexting scandal with Gameday host Jenn Sterger. Images of Favre’s private parts leaked to the media, but he’s always denied sending such picture messages. Major fumble.

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THIS WEEK

The sun conjoins Saturn in Libra, clarifying the limits of relationships. Such reality checks can be unpleasant, but romance can’t last without work and realism. Work on it!

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LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Sex and money are likely to come up. The argument would be over money; sex could be the resolution. Either way, stay focused on what’s important and where your partner ranks.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Keep your attention on your goals and don’t worry about the attention. Opportunities for love, or a rocking facsimile, are coming up. If you got love, get rocking.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Boundary issues with co-workers need discussion. Financial opportunities approach, but they’ll need hard work and sacrifice. Don’t screw it up by arguing with someone who wants to help.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Friends who challenge you can be the best friends around but pay close attention. Are they for you or against you? Be attentive. Even enemies’ harsh criticisms can prove helpful.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Showing off your intellect could end up showing your limits. Be open to teachers who can help you toward clearer thinking. An open mind makes you a better partner.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Hiding feelings of loss and dread makes them worse. Sharing them with your partner increases emotional intimacy. This experience and your strong empathy will soon prove helpful.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Not getting the attention you want makes you especially cranky. Avoid angry and inappropriate outbursts. Your inspirations need work, but your creative juices are high. Show what you can do.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
You might meet that someone special by the end of the week. There’s no predicting true love, but exciting conversations can open doors to meeting amazing new people. Don’t be shy.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Fanciful notions take a dark turn, either delicious or morbid. Stay with it and see where they are coming from. Focus on work. Your colleagues deserve input on new ideas before you take initiative.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
You’re shining at work, although that makes you feel precarious, as a “king of the hill” needing to defend yourself. Acknowledging the effort and support of others will help you feel less lonely.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Taking yourself too seriously is sure to lead to arguments. If you’re really so smart, prove it by taking a class in something entirely new, or read a book that will challenge your mind.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Take conversations to new depths. Someone you’re sweet on may be ready to get more intimate. Raise the subject, but be careful and read the signals carefully to know how.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 7, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 09.09.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Jennifer Hudson turns 30 on Monday.
The Oscar winner has made headlines in the recent past mostly on her weight loss. She talks to Self magazine this month about losing over 80 pounds. This year, she returns to the big screen in Winnie, portraying Nelson Mandela’s wife, and in 2012’s The Three Stooges.

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THIS WEEK

Venus coming home to Libra normally helps us to be more gracious, social and polite. Opposing Uranus on the way in whips up some crazy ideas of what that might mean. Compassion and imagining yourself in the other’s position is usually the best way to start out.

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VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
You find amazing deals at estate sales, perhaps even your true love. If you already have one, bring him or her along and you find some treasure that will become an emblematic keepsake.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
You’re looking especially gorgeous. The attention you get will surprise you. Of course you’re not just a pretty face; a new contact could prove very helpful as a colleague.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Hiding out from the social whirl may give you peace, but doesn’t do much for your anxieties. Hum the first tune that comes to mind. That song will offer insights to face your worries.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Party it up but don’t go overboard. Seek out new, interesting, unusual people at these events. Their perspectives can trigger new insights into your own roots.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Career opportunities are looking good, but are you prepared? Know your strengths and the difference between reaching and overreaching. Work causes you to neglect issues at home.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Think a little harder before opening your mouth. Does it really need to be said? Your words carry more weight than you realize. Treat them like currency and don’t waste them.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Opportunities abound as Venus is flashing her goodies in your house of illicit pleasures. She offers a deeper challenge to re-
examine your priorities and values.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
You’re suddenly looking marriageable no matter what local laws allow. Let someone special see your inner wounds. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable shows confidence in both of you.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
A friend in need is a pain in the ass. You have your own problems. Even so, helping out your pal can not only get you out of your own problems for a bit, but help point you to a solution.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Your idea of social outreach is a little outré. One on one is fine for scaring off people you don’t want to deal with, but if you’re working with a group, behave accordingly.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
New recipes go better than you’d hoped for. Even if things screw up, you get points for trying. At work keep your boss up on any experiments, just in case.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Advice is not necessarily appreciated, as you could find out the hard way. An earnest, soul-searching talk about sex can be more satisfying than actually doing it. Not that one rules out the other.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 9, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 04.01.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYgraham-norton-pic-getty-image-2-629681157

Graham Norton turns 48 on Monday. The comedian and talk show host kills with The Graham Norton Show. Without the restraints of American TV, Norton is stomach-achingly hilarious as he puts celebrities on edge with his over-the-top humor. Especially when he chats them up about porn and bathroom humor.

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THIS WEEK

After three weeks retrograde, Mercury is turning direct while conjunct Mars. New ideas to fix recent problems are coming too fast and furious. Think carefully to pick the truly effective ones. Both planets are opposing Saturn, so be careful not to blame but to work on better cooperation.

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ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Faith in yourself comes a little too easy. Find someone you trust for constructive criticism. You need that from them. Solving the challenges in a relationship is the test of true commitment.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Knowing that you worry too much about your health doesn’t mean there aren’t problems. Focus on real pains and get them checked. Find the middle ground between worry and neglect.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Ideals should be beyond reach; goals should be within. Build castles on strong, solid foundations. Keep searching to discover what the future holds. Just don’t let it take up all your time now.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Your brilliant ideas at work feel unappreciated at home. The lack of enthusiasm is because your talents are no surprise. Home support matters, but you have to explain specifics to get it.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Your brain’s afire with grand ideas, but they need grounding in practicality. Find an Aquarius who knows the field. If he or she says, “That won’t work,” ask how to make it work.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Sex without guilt is fine, but sex without responsibility is dangerous. Be clear on safety and life’s priorities. Cultivate a Puritan work ethic without getting hung up on prudery.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Holding down your partnership is a big mistake. It needs room to grow. That means allowing room to let your love do things you don’t like. Mutually agreeable limits may require compromise.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
An obsessive rush to push ahead can make you miss important details, cause foolish mistakes and make simple things more long and complicated. Breathe, focus and relax.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Those powerful creative impulses hit a wall. Take the challenge to improve upon an original idea and make it more practical and effective. If it was that good an idea, it’s worth the effort.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Domestic drama is a distraction from work you need to be doing. Harness that energy and get the folks at home to support you. That won’t be easy, but the effort can pay off big time.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Examine new subjects from the ground up and review the basics on familiar topics. If you want higher purpose and inspiration find a Leo to help you develop your basic ideas into a grand vision.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
A sexual dry spell is a gift encouraging you to focus on practical matters. Keeping priorities clear is challenging, not impossible. Money comes and goes very easily. Work to keep it coming.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 1, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Drawing Dallas • 12.24.10

All we want for Christmas

MARK STOKES  | Illustrator mark@markdrawsfunny.com

In the season of miracles, meet miracle baby Luis Rios

Name and age: Luis “Lulu” Rios, 25

Spotted at: Throckmorton and Rawlins streets

Occupation: Cashier

Sleek and sexy Plano-born Luis Rios is a miracle baby, being born unexpectedly from a mother who had her tubes tied, then surviving a heart murmur and seizures at 5, which led to a major heart operation at 7. Luis came out at 15. “I did my research about how to be gay and what all comes with it. I knew it would be difficult, especially for my mom.” Luis’ family has been amazingly supportive, welcoming his partners and friends as part of the family. “My friends love my parents.” His hobbies include dancing, music, and fire dancing.

The boy with something extra: This enigmatic Libra has a sixth sense, which runs in his family. He has experienced telepathy and sometimes sees the future in dreams. This empathic ability makes him a go-to guy when his friends need psychological counseling. “It’s a gift, and a curse.”

Happy holidays! Luis plans to spend Christmas on the strip, singing R&B and ballad karaoke at Hungdinger.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 24, 2010.

—  Michael Stephens