Laugh riot

Ellen cracks us up, on stage or page

……………

4 out of 5 stars
SERIOUSLY… I’M KIDDING
by Ellen DeGeneres
(Grand Central Publishing, 2011). $27; 241 pp.

…………….

Sometimes it’s hard not to laugh. When your 4-year-old says something hilariously profound, you bite your lip, knowing that you’d be in trouble if you bust a gut.  If your beloved does something silly but well-meaning, you twist your lips to avoid the outburst you know is coming. When your great-aunt shows up at holiday dinner dressed like that, you know there’d better not be even one “Ha!” to escape your lips.

Yep, sometimes it’s hard not to laugh — but you’ll want to when you read this book. “As it turns out, writing a book is hard,” Ellen DeGeneres says.

This is her third book, each one sharing the ellipses-in-the-title feature. She didn’t think writing it would be difficult because, after all, she has a lot to say every day for at least an hour. There’s a lot of talking on a talk show, you know.

There’s a lot of listening, too, and daydreaming is not allowed. DeGeneres listens to many famous people — one of her favorites is her wife, Portia de Rossi, who is “beautiful and one of the nicest people [she has] ever met.” No, she tells nosy people, they aren’t planning on having a family because “there is far too much glass” in their house. Besides, first you have to give birth.

“I won’t go into specifics,” says DeGeneres, “but ouch and no thank you.”

In case you’re thinking that this book is all fluff, you’ll also find useful advice in its pages. DeGeneres gives readers hints on being a supermodel and how to know what clothes will come back in fashion. She writes about polls and why people shouldn’t put too much faith in them. She offers several ways to gamble in Las Vegas, gives kudos to funny women who’ve paved the way for people like her.

But will you find laughs? Yes … but.

Seriously… I’m Kidding is like having a 241-page monologue in your lap. DeGeneres’ wicked wit beams bright from almost each page. But there are times when she dives below silliness. An entire page devoted to sound effects? Four pages of drawings for your child to color? Jokes like these and a few go-nowhere “short stories” may leave readers scratching their heads.

But if you’re a fan of DeGeneres’ talk show or standup, you’ll find a treasure-trove of classic humor that you won’t want to be without. For you, Seriously… I’m Kidding will be a hard book to miss. And we’re not kidding.

— Terri Schlichenmeyer

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 11, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

How can you tell a gay Republican is self-loathing? (Hint: His lips are moving)

No, not all gay Republicans are self-loathing. And of late, a number of Republicans, both gay straight, have really done a great job advancing marriage equality – a shockingly good job, really. But then, there’s always guys like this one to remind us of how far they still have to go.

It’s always fun when someone who comes off totally gay complains about guys who come off totally gay. (About 2:15 into the video – Ebone Bell of Metro Weekly does a good job of hosting the video.)




AMERICAblog Gay

—  David Taffet

Gay-owned Ranch Hand Rescue continues saving farm animals through brutally cold weather

Starlight

Ranch Hand Rescue is a sanctuary for abused and neglected farm animals. They have been removed from their current situation by a county humane officer, sheriff or law enforcement official.

In December, we wrote about a fundraiser for the organization to help owner Bob Williams feed and give the animals the medical care they need. Their goal was $10,000 and they raised more than $15,000.

“The place was packed,” Williams said.

This past week was a particularly difficult one for them because of the cold weather.

“Our animals still need their medications and feeding,” Williams said.

Frozen pipes and additional staff increased costs.

—  David Taffet

Straight men kissing? That’s so hot!!!

Straight men in Britain generally have no problem kissing each other on the lips — and in fact locking lips has become something of a fad for college students, according to a gay lecturer at Bath University who did his PhD on the subject.

The lecturer, Eric Anderson, conducted a survey which found that 88 percent of men are happy to kiss another man on the lips, while almost 40 percent have engaged in “sustained kissing, initially for shock value, but now just for ‘a laugh.’”

Anderson said he believes his research indicates that homophobia is all but gone among young people. The Guardian reports:

Anderson says men are now kissing each other to show their “intimacy towards one another,” but not in a homosexual way. “The kisses seem to be stripped of sexual connotation, and given the percentage of men doing them, they certainly do not indicate a hidden homosexual desire.”

The trend, he adds, is not just in a few UK universities or even limited to Britain. “I’ve interviewed graduate students who did their bachelor degrees at other universities, and been to undergraduate clubs and pubs from Bristol to Birmingham to Edinburgh – I can definitively say that although the percentages might vary depending on the city, the class and the racial background, these kissing behaviours are happening all over the country. I have also found it occurring in a fifth of the 60 university soccer players I interviewed in the US, and have a friend who is beginning formal research into male kissing in Australia after recording it there.”

Call us shallow, but we admit our first reaction to this report was, that’s so hot! Our second was, when is this going to catch on in the U.S.? And our third was, this guy has the best job in the world, which was backed up by this tidbit at the end of the story about his next project:

Anderson is now moving his research on to cuddling. “Last week, I was talking to my second-year students about two straight men cuddling; they laughed, ‘what’s the big deal about that’,” he says. “I polled them, and found that 14/15 said they had spooned another man, in bed, sleeping all night long. Gone are the days in which men would rather sleep on the floor or head to toe; not only do they share beds and cuddle, but they are not homosexualised for this.”

—  John Wright

Flipping Out’s Trace Did Not Dress Up As Jeff Lewis’ Lips

http://www.queerty.com/wp/docs/2010/11/traceflippingoutbug.jpg

OH SNAP — Trace Lehnhoff, the quiet office cutie on Bravo's Flipping Out, dressed up on Halloween as GuysWithiPhones.com.

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—  admin

CRIME BLOTTER: Man reports gay-on-gay aggravated assault in Kroger parking lot

Most crimes that we hear about in the Dallas gayborhood ostensibly involve heterosexual suspects robbing and/or assaulting gays who are going to and from the nightclubs.

But one gay man says he was jumped by a group of eight other gay men at about 3 a.m. Sunday, Oct. 17 in the parking lot of Kroger. The victim says he was knocked unconscious and he’ll need surgery to reconstruct his cheek bone, which was fractured in three places. Dallas police have classified the incident as an aggravated assault but say they have no suspects.

The victim said he had been to a bar downtown that caters to a black gay clientele. He and some friends then traveled to the Kroger parking lot on Cedar Springs, which has become a popular hangout after hours.

The victim said he and his friends overheard the suspects doing a lot of talking in the parking lot. Some sort of verbal exchange ensued before eight men, all black and gay, surrounded him. They knocked him to the ground before kicking him repeatedly in the head. A police report states that the victim suffered “massive swelling to his face.”

“I did hear there have been a lot of crimes going on over in that area,” the victim said Thursday. “I never heard of people just getting jumped randomly. They had no reason to jump on me, because I didn’t give them any reason to jump on me. I didn’t even say anything directly to them.”

The victim went to the hospital and reported the incident to police the following day.

“It was so swollen that my eyes were closed shut and my lips were actually hanging and I was drooling,” the victim said. “It’s gotten a little better but it’s really sore and tender. It looked like a big grapefruit inside of my cheek.”

The victim said he’ll be seeing an oral surgeon next week after the swelling goes down, and it will take him 4-6 weeks to recover. He said he’s not afraid to go back to the strip but added, “If I do decide to go out I’m going to watch my back.”

—  John Wright

Jesse Tyler Ferguson + Eric Stonestreet Are Going to Lock Lips Any Second Now

Guys. The Modern Family same-sex episode is totally coming, so chillz, OK? They're almost ready to shoot it! And showrunner Steve Levitan is sticking to his script that they were going to do this scene before y'all started complaining in May.

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—  John Wright