Having fun with the Olympics

Sweden’s decathlete Bjorn Barrefors gives new meaning to the term “Swedish meatballs.”

Last night, my good friend and fellow critic Elaine Liner at the Dallas Observer engaged in a Facebook exchange where we came up with a tongue-in-cheek list of rejected Olympic sports. Here’s what we came up with; what can you think of?

• Undressage

• Bicuriousathlon

• Javelina throw (Arkansas only)

• Oprah lifting

• Greco-Roman bailout

• Bobby tossing

• Goodminton

• Pumice horse

• Uneven parallel lives

• Quintuples tennis

• Individual vegetable medley

• Skeet Ulrich shooting

• 1000 meter staring

• 4000 meter relapse with Dr. Drew

• Mammary development (women’s gymnastic only)

• 10 meter platform driving

• Pallbearing

• Synchronized screaming

• Bitch volleyball

• Wanking (singles and pairs)

• Sudoku

• Tramp stamping

• Speedtalking

• Tumblring

• Discus-s

• 1000 meter race-baiting

• Deathlon

• Frottage

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Apparently, Olympians value a hookup almost as much as a medal

There are precious few out gay athletes, at least in pro sports, but if this news item is to be believed, there are more than a few in the amateur sports. In a story reported on a U.K. website, as soon as the hoards of Olympians began arriving in London, they quickly crashed a website.

And that website was Grindr.

The story gingerly refers to Grindr as a “gay dating” app, though we all know it is really about hookups. And the East London neighborhood where most of the athletes are staying saw such a spike in log-ons, the site was unavailable in London for an entire day. According to the story, they got it up and running as quickly as possible.

That’s good news — it would be terrible if all those closeted swimmers and equestrians and gymnasts didn’t get to score a little cardio before the opening ceremonies. Of course, people like Matthew Mitcham probably don’t have to worry about it; he’s out, so he’ll just go to a gay bar.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones