Butch vs. Femme

How fit does your ride need to be? We compare the elegant efficiency of the Toyota Prius V with the ballsy bravado of the Subaru Impreza

CASEY WILLIAMS  | Auto Reviewer

There are two ways to achieve fitness: Either become a gym queen and work your sweet little ass off on the stair climber, or go full nerd and starve yourself to thin. Depending on my mood, I can use a good aerobic workout and look buff for my hubby… or I just savor the grilled chicken salad (or veggie burger), kick off the sneaks with a book about a geeky car, and ponder Our Creation.

In the world of five-door compacts, the recently re-designed 2012 Subaru Impreza likes to be worked over hard while the new Prius V thinks its way to saving green.

Impreza

GYM RAT OR DIETER? | The hybrid Prius V, above, is surprisingly roomy and powerful.

Family heritage
Impreza: Generations of rally champs.
Prius: Golf cart, Previa mini-van.
Alter ego
Impreza: General Lee.
Prius: KITT.
Gay persona
Impreza: Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
Prius: Michael Kors, Queen of Project Runway

Horsepower
Impreza: 148.
Prius: 134 (gas) + 80 (electric).

Number of driving modes
Impreza: 2 — Fast and Furious.
Prius: 4 – Standard, Eco, EV and Power.

Drag coefficient
Impreza: Sexy in satin.
Prius: 0.29, you tart.

Favorite toy
Impreza: Wiper de-icer.
Prius: Pandora radio.

Distance on electricity
Impreza: (insert favorite bodily sound)?
Prius: If we’re measuring, about a mile.

How to get dinner
Impreza: Run it down, stick it in the trunk; use Bluetooth
to call a meat processor to butcher it for ya.
Prius: Politely ask the Entune System’s OpenTable app for suggestions and NAV to plot a course.

Claims to fame
Impreza: Daddy of the wicked WRX; most fuel-efficient AWD in America.
Prius: More Prius, more petrol; most complicated small crossover ever created.

Celebrity most likely to drive car
Impreza: Crocodile Dundee.
Prius: Kardashian stepdad Bruce Jenner.

Power to the wheels
Impreza: Symmetrical AWD.
Prius: It depends on how much power needs to be transferred to the front wheels. It could come from the battery pack via an electric motor or from the gasoline engine with a continuously-variable transmission that has no set gears, but an infinite range of ratios. Hell, just forget it — bitch is complicated.

Price
Impreza: $19,000 — agile and sexy, doesn’t ask
for much.
Prius: $26,500 — a sophisticated lightweight that takes
all night to get drunk.

Prius

The Impreza has bearish sex appeal.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 13, 2012.

—  Kevin Thomas