Starvoice • 12.02.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Ann Coulter turns 50 on Thursday. The political commentator/author has never been a friend to the gay community, but her association with Taylor Garrett of A-List: Dallas resulted in alleged hate crimes against Garrett. Coulter still stirs the pot on her own, recently calling for Occupy protestors to be shot and publicly insulting John McCain. You know, the usual stuff.

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THIS WEEK

This week’s lunar eclipse will be partially visible in New Zealand, but felt everywhere as brainstorms lead too easily to arguments. Rather than inadvertently showing off what you don’t know, think about what you need to learn.

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SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Standing up to authority will get you smacked down. It’s possible you could be wrong. Think ahead! Be very pragmatic about your goals and how you intend to make them.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Working hard is necessary. Working too hard is dangerous. Proper rest helps you work smarter. If you must tear apart authority figures, make sure they’re far away. Politicians are fair game.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Listen to that deep inner voice as you consider sexual adventures. Trying to prove yourself can lead to injuries. Be especially careful of your mid and lower backside.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Turn lazy moods into times for creative reverie. Tough, honest introspection yields powerful insights. Guard against crankiness with your partner. You need to face some hard truths there.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Turn on the charm at work. Just don’t be too pushy about it. Jealous colleagues accuse you of brown-nosing. Be considerate, but don’t worry much. If you can’t win, don’t play the game.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Playful teasing gets out of hand. That goads you into adventures that will test your limits. Be careful what you talk yourself into. You’ll discover things that you’ve tried not to admit.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Conversations with friends degenerate into arguments. What do you need to prove? Aren’t you on the same side? Sexual tension is feeding into stress. Keep your home ready for company.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Pay attention to anxieties. They can teach you a lot about yourself. New info from a distant relative or a spiritual teacher can help you better to understand family problems.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Playfulness is good for the soul. Worrying too much about the outcome inhibits your creativity and your growth. Get wild. What you release can offer insight into your work and your health.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Burying problems at home only makes them worse. Have the arguments and get them out of the way. Just remember that one of you is wrong and will realize it soon. Even odds on who that is.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Work out any domestic problems with your partner where money’s involved. No partner? Down-home charm can help you find one. Some witty flirtation will help get things started.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Arguments with friends over money can lead to betrayal, hurting you a lot more than you would expect. Don’t worry about the future. You’ll figure it out as it comes present.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 2, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 11.25.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY
Jonathan Knight turns 43 on Tuesday. As part of the boy band New Kids on the Block, Knight dominated the charts with hits like “Hangin’ Tough” and “Step By Step” in the late ’80s and early ’90s. He left the group in 1994 and admitted to having severe stage fright. He was outed in 2009 by an alleged ex-boyfriend but Knight says he has never hidden the fact that he is gay.

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THIS WEEK
The sun in Sagittarius square to Mars in Virgo cranks up mental energy but yields to dithering frenzies. Both move into semi-square to Saturn, a rude wake-up call. The right colleague helps you focus, a wrong one just makes things worse.

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SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Mother criticizes because she believes in your potential. A real grown-up can shrug it off. Or is there some truth in it? Take it or leave it, but thoughtfully. That can be a healing experience.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Running up against limits tempts you to struggle against authority. Learn to engage more thoughtfully. Be respectful, but don’t be afraid to ask probing, even challenging, questions.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Nosy questions get way out of hand. Mind your own business. Look for ways to improve your home life. Thrift and resourcefulness will boost your confidence.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
It’s easy to mouth off to your boss. It may be hard to keep your mouth shut and listen, but what you learn is well worth it. Your ability to handle criticism counts a lot toward your advancement.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Collaborative efforts only provoke arguments and resentments. Be aware of their limits. Focus on being more effective and forgive mistakes on all sides.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Sexual exuberance gets you into big trouble. Make time and space to explore those passions. Be very clear on safety issues and prophylaxis. Don’t get so caught up in fun that work suffers.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Others seem eager to remind you of things you’d rather forget. Your outbursts aren’t going to help. Take it all with good humor or make a better effort to avoid annoying people.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
You’re liable to blurt out some ugly truth and you’ll have all hell to pay. Keep your mind and your chatter on philosophy, art and impersonal things that won’t cause offense.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
You mean well with your exuberant outbursts, but overdo it. Focus on elegance, subtlety, even minimalism. A whisper can hold attention where shouting only drives people away.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Fights at home are inevitable. Minimize risk by analyzing your issues before speaking up. Your parents may have programmed your worst faults into you, but you’re responsible for fixing them.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
What’s really being tested: your commitment to community or  dealing with pointless crap? Know your limits and to what you want to dedicate yourself. Talk with a friend who’s close.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Easy, comfortable chats with your partner lead to tests of commitment. They may not be worth passing. Think carefully. You may not follow friends’ advice, but listen and think about it.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 25, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

Starvoice • 11.18.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Troy Aikman turns 45 on Monday. The former Dallas Cowboy quarterback still makes headlines, whether for his divorce this year or the continued rumors that he’s gay. In September, he threatened to assault the man behind the rumor, Skip Bayless, on a local radio show and the comments went viral. Let’s not forget, he also has three Super Bowl rings.

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THIS WEEK

Mercury is turning retrograde and there’s a solar eclipse, all in Sagittarius. Be open-minded and patient. New information will make you change your mind about important matters, though it may take weeks to figure out.

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SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Arguments at work easily get out of hand and cost you big time. Keep conversations calm and open-minded while focused on finding solutions. Take time for fun with friends to stay in balance.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Birthday plans are sure to go awry. Roll with the punches. With Mercury turning retrograde in your sign it seems you do nothing right. Keep a sense of humor while cleaning up mistakes.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Being generous to those in need boosts your reputation and even your career. Feeling beautiful and confident can start a row at home. Clear the air, try a daring, new solution and move on.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Your future plans need revision. Those changes challenge your associations. Be ready to change some of those. Don’t commit to those revisions, but take time to think them through.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Professional advice helps you clear up snafus. More mix-ups make success look further away than ever. Balancing humor with responsibility, you can solve them and advance.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
While you are feeling energetic, the rest of the world seems to be gumming up. Beware of rash outbursts. You will be heard more than you know, so think carefully about what you want to say.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
A person can get enough flirtation and sexual adventures. A sudden realization about what you really want in that department can bring focus as you turn to more serious matters.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
These next three weeks will have you backtracking and cleaning up. You’ll be reminded of neglected promises. Take complaints seriously and make no excuses or retorts.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Sudden changes in your health are for the better, but consult a professional and review your exercise regimens. Focus on what you enjoy most about work. Colleagues will pick up on it

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Your playfulness and creative efforts make huge impacts on your work. That’s not a good thing. Are they a constructive focus or a frivolous distraction? Channel that energy productively to go far.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Neglected problems at home will blow up in your face. Think carefully and deal. Flawed efforts are better than none. Consider carefully any corrections offered by roommates or family.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
A homecoming offers some rude surprises. Take them in good humor and learn from them. An opportunity to heal a wounded relationship may require some changes in your routines.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 18, 2011.

 

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 11.04.11

By Jack FertigHMatarazzo

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Heather Matarazzo turns 29 on Thursday. The actress made her name early as Dawn Weiner in the 1995 indie Welcome to the Dollhouse. She went on to star in The Princess Diaries, Scream 3 and, most recently, Mangus! which was shot in Dallas by Texas filmmaker Ash Christian. She recently contributed to The Huffington Post a piece on growing up gay and religious.

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THIS WEEK

Mars opposes Neptune just before going into Virgo. Showing off an excessive aggression or internalized anger will exact a price that you’ll have to pay very soon. Meditation and swimming help, but contact sports are dangerous. You may go overboard with creative hobbies, but those excesses can draw out inner truths.

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SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Self-consciousness provokes you to overdo things, hurting yourself or complicating your work. Think less about yourself, more about your partner: committed, for the moment or hypothetically.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Mixed messages and rumors hurt your reputation. Defensiveness makes it worse. Look at the problem as one to heal with good humor, even at your expense. Clear it up.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
You’re over-competitive at work. Pay attention to nagging inner voices. They can help correct your perspective even if you don’t like what they say. Charity work will also do you much good.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Don’t take personal criticisms too seriously. You don’t need to prove your intellectual prowess, but you may need to admit to your limitations so you can expand your wisdom.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Give yourself room to be a drama queen to let frustrations out. Friends will be a lot more supportive than you expect. Being too nice can work against you; focus on being just nice enough.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
An ego trip has a hard landing. Your ruler Mars opposing Neptune makes it hard to know whether you’re offering too much or too little. Someone who knows your heart best can tell you how big it really is.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Your erotic charms are irresistible. How you use them tells a lot about your values. You’re better off keeping your reputation clean. Honesty and strategy are crucial to winning at work.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
You can charm your partner into almost anything, but use this openness to work on issues in your relationship. The high-minded approach is harder but yields better results.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
This week’s full moon brings out your wild. Shocking friends, making new ones and starting some titillating gossip. Enemies at work try to use that against you. Turn it to your advantage.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Arguments with your partner are based on misunderstanding and overreactions. More empathy would help. Worries about money are exaggerated. The outlook will improve very soon.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Channel your worries into exercise. Swimming and martial arts are best. A wave of domestic bliss offers serious improvements. Sexual competition is fun; taking it seriously can get dangerous.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Sometimes your charm comes too easily. Overdoing it can alienate some people. What does your partner think about your flirtations? Accept criticism graciously and think seriously about it.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition November 4, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 10.28.11

By Jack FertigK+Lang

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

k.d. Lang turns 50 on Wednesday. The Grammy-winning singer has had a big year. She released her 13th studio album, Sing it Loud, with her new band the Siss Boom Bang. Lang followed up with a critically acclaimed tour. As if that weren’t enough, she topped off 2011 with an appearance on Tony Bennett’s Duets II album singing “Blue Velvet.” What a gal.

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THIS WEEK

Venus and Mercury dancing into Sagittarius crank up sociability and charm. The challenge is to back that up with substance and accomplishment.

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SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Discussing hard issues help to deepen your relationship. Don’t shy away from questions on values, what really matters to you or your partner. People who scare easy aren’t for you anyway.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Your hard work behind the scenes gets noticed and pays off. Expect constructive criticism and pay attention even if you don’t like it! Time out with your partner helps nip problems in the bud.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
You can be an effective spokesperson for your favorite charities. Raise money or organize friends to help out. Charity begins at home and down time is important.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Come out fighting for what you believe in. An indirect approach, improving your image at work — best done by doing your best work — will make you a better advocate for your causes.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Don’t be shy about your accomplishments, but don’t go overboard. A few words in the right ears will get people singing your praises. Consistent boundaries and tough love are in order.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Secrets about your sex life are revealed. Treat it with a sense of humor; it can work out for the best. Friends goad you into over-indulgence. Know your limits and reconsider those friends.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Your charms could lead you into more than you expected. A little adventure is good for you. Getting outside of your comfort zone will teach you to appreciate new comforts.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
The trick to winning is to be a good listener. Your mouth could get you into trouble, but you need to say something. Just pay attention and think ahead. Then, and only then, trust your instincts.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Erotic impulses feed your creativity, but are a distraction. Getting sexually creative reconciles that, but impulses to experiment get you in over your head. Be careful and have a safe word.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Problems at home blindside you by the end of the week. Keeping things nice with family or roommates delays the worst. Turn that charm to diplomacy to uncover what you need to deal with.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
People enjoy your loquacity, because you are revealing more than you should. Give just enough to get others to reveal their secrets. All this is best applied to relative with old stories.

LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Your flirtations either draw in a romantic candidate or trigger a reaction from your partner. Those charms can resolve any reaction. Make-up sex, or any other kind, can re-kindle the romance.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 28, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 10.21.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Seth MacFarlane turns 38 on Wednesday. The creator of Family Guy, American Dad and The Cleveland Show has also been a staunch gay ally. He outed Family Guy character Stewie as gay in a 2009 interview with Playboy. Recently, he’s gone in a different direction, putting his usual cartoon voice to song in his debut album Music is Better than Words released in September.

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THIS WEEK

Mars is in Leo, trine Eris and sextile Saturn, helping to focus the recent surge of strong competitive energies. Knowing that you are being watched should help you to apply yourself better and to be more gracious in competition.

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LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
The first step to solving financial worries is to stop tripping about the future. Deal with the present and discuss with someone who has a good grasp of larger issues.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
You’re feeling chatty and friendly, but rude remarks slip out causing a lot of trouble. You won’t reach your goals without your teammates. Being ambitious can help draw love your way.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
What people say behind your back is good. It’s because they know you have a good sense of humor. Someone looking out for you will make herself known.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Needing to conquer the world isn’t unreasonable, but don’t overplay it. Sexual divertissements help you relax and be efficient. A deeper metaphysical context for your goals is also helpful.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Friends and family are eager to promote you. Your kindness and generosity will boost theirs. Focusing too much on your work can be tough on your partner. Save energy for your sweetheart.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Future opportunities look brighter. In the real world, making those advances take hard work and thoughtful partnership. Working hard and feeling accomplished helps you look sexy.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Know that you can excel at what you love. Focus your energy, wherever your passion is. That will sustain you through everything else.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Talk to your partner about domestic problems that have been bothering you. The next month can be all about clearing the air and building a stronger relationship. Single? Flirt like crazy.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Resolve whatever problems you have with colleagues. Remember you’re all on the same team. Being tactful is challenging at first, but it will get easier. Give a little and you’ll get a lot in return.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Push yourself to be as resourceful as a drag queen on welfare and encourage others to step back and take the long view. Don’t worry. You can do this.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
You are not your home, family or community. It can be a challenge to let others be themselves. The value of your milieu is that others have different perspectives that you can learn from.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Meditation calms that busy brain, but not your motor mouth. You need to share, but it’s way too much information. Find a good listener among your most caring friends.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 21, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

Starvoice • 10.07.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Brett Favre turns 42 on Monday. The former NFL quarterback has an oustanding record that includes three consecutive MVP titles and a Super Bowl ring. We kind of forgot all that during his sexting scandal with Gameday host Jenn Sterger. Images of Favre’s private parts leaked to the media, but he’s always denied sending such picture messages. Major fumble.

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THIS WEEK

The sun conjoins Saturn in Libra, clarifying the limits of relationships. Such reality checks can be unpleasant, but romance can’t last without work and realism. Work on it!

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LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Sex and money are likely to come up. The argument would be over money; sex could be the resolution. Either way, stay focused on what’s important and where your partner ranks.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Keep your attention on your goals and don’t worry about the attention. Opportunities for love, or a rocking facsimile, are coming up. If you got love, get rocking.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
Boundary issues with co-workers need discussion. Financial opportunities approach, but they’ll need hard work and sacrifice. Don’t screw it up by arguing with someone who wants to help.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Friends who challenge you can be the best friends around but pay close attention. Are they for you or against you? Be attentive. Even enemies’ harsh criticisms can prove helpful.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Showing off your intellect could end up showing your limits. Be open to teachers who can help you toward clearer thinking. An open mind makes you a better partner.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Hiding feelings of loss and dread makes them worse. Sharing them with your partner increases emotional intimacy. This experience and your strong empathy will soon prove helpful.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Not getting the attention you want makes you especially cranky. Avoid angry and inappropriate outbursts. Your inspirations need work, but your creative juices are high. Show what you can do.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
You might meet that someone special by the end of the week. There’s no predicting true love, but exciting conversations can open doors to meeting amazing new people. Don’t be shy.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Fanciful notions take a dark turn, either delicious or morbid. Stay with it and see where they are coming from. Focus on work. Your colleagues deserve input on new ideas before you take initiative.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
You’re shining at work, although that makes you feel precarious, as a “king of the hill” needing to defend yourself. Acknowledging the effort and support of others will help you feel less lonely.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Taking yourself too seriously is sure to lead to arguments. If you’re really so smart, prove it by taking a class in something entirely new, or read a book that will challenge your mind.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Take conversations to new depths. Someone you’re sweet on may be ready to get more intimate. Raise the subject, but be careful and read the signals carefully to know how.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition October 7, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 09.23.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAY

Olivia Newton-John turns 63 on Monday. The singer/actress reached queer iconicism as the muse Kira in the roller skating fantasy film Xanadu. She only helped that with her role as Bitsy Mae Harling in the Sordid Lives film and the television series. We think her guest appearances on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and Glee her well on queerdom’s radar.

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THIS WEEK

Fresh into Libra, the sun and Mercury stimulate friendly conversation but they’re opposite Uranus and squaring Pluto; any dialogue can turn fiercely argumentative or deliciously wicked. Either way, secrets will be revealed!

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LIBRA  Sep 23-Oct 22
Getting older beats the hell out of the alternative. The trick is to celebrate maturity, not to try hiding your age. Staying active and fit is one thing; holding on to your adolescence is another.

SCORPIO  Oct 23-Nov 21
Your energy is high, perhaps hard to control. Worrying about that can turn it into nervous aggravation. Stay focused. Staying where you’re visible will help you stay on purpose.

SAGITTARIUS  Nov 22-Dec 20
If arguments with friends leave you irritated, it’s because they’re right. Be big enough to admit it. You’re in too much demand now to be in a cranky sulk. What you learn can prove helpful at work.

CAPRICORN  Dec 21-Jan 19
Rewards for your accomplishments are more spiritual than remunerative. If that disappoints you, take it in stride. Remember, you’re always being seen and attitude is key to further success.

AQUARIUS  Jan 20-Feb 18
Charm is more persuasive than facts. That doesn’t mean you have to compromise your integrity, but you want to adjust your attitude. Especially with the one you love, remember to be kind.

PISCES  Feb 19-Mar 19
Outstanding debts should wait. Focus on your sex life. What do you really want? Partnered: A long heart-to-heart talk is in order. Single: An adventure can open up amazing new possibilities.

ARIES  Mar 20-Apr 19
Accepting invitations to fun causes as much trouble as refusing them. Adventure and drama are inevitable, so embrace them consciously with eyes open or they will sneak up on you.

TAURUS  Apr 20-May 20
Don’t let work stress you out. Exercise shakes off the tension. Redistributing the workload among your co-workers can help. Staying focused on the goal is important, but don’t obsess on it.

GEMINI  May 21-Jun 20
Your efforts to include friends just annoy them. Let them be the audience when you’re done. If you find a good collaborator, though, it could become more than a working relationship.

CANCER  Jun 21-Jul 22
Make new contacts in your community. You’ll be surprised to discover how well known you are. Those new connections prove helpful in your career. When in doubt, stay close to home.

LEO  Jul 23-Aug 22
Some things need to be said and feathers have to be ruffled. Be tactful, but also be ready to deal with the fact that someone will be upset, and he or she will just have to hear it and adapt.

VIRGO  Aug 23-Sep 22
Be careful whom you contract with in financial undertakings. It could work out brilliantly, but is more likely to be a disaster. Sexual explorations can improve partnerships or help start one.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition September 23, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

Starvoice • 08.19.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYMarlee+Matlin

Marlee Matlin turns 46 on Thursday. Matlin is the youngest woman at 21 to win the Oscar for best actress for Children of a Lesser God in 1981. She gained a new fan base by going lesbian as art professor Jodi Lerner in The L Word. She placed second in this year’s season of The Celebrity Apprentice.

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THIS WEEK

Venus and the sun entering Virgo should point the way to clean, simple aesthetics, but aspecting Uranus and Pluto on the way could trigger some very drastic housecleaning. Thorough is good; ruthless, not so much. “Pirate Jenny” captures the dark side. Nina Simone sings it on YouTube.

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VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Every birthday brings you closer to your remaining accomplishments. Consider how you can change the world. Your most daring ideas need harnessing and work. What’s stopping you?

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Your situation at home provokes anxieties. Focus on your responses. With focus, you can minimize the angst. With clearer insights you improve the external situations triggering them.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
When friends get on your nerves, shrug it off. Turn that irritability into productive criticism. Think before speaking, to improve techniques and productivity without dissing your colleagues.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
If you must channel Bette Davis at work, be harder on yourself than everyone else. Being brilliant doesn’t get you ahead; getting the job done does. Stay on track and get the job done brilliantly.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Turn that critical mind on your own roots, your sense of your childhood and family. Talking with siblings can help if you can listen with open heart and mind. It may not be easy.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Focus on sexual health. A complete physical check-up is always a good thing. Meditate also on your needs and desires. Are they at odds? Are they realistic? You may have some hard choices.

PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Feeling the pinch can strain a relationship. As long as your partnership comes first, pooling resources makes any future more affordable.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
Rushing to succeed, you step on colleague’s toes. Apologize and exercise some foresight and consideration. Your teamwork skills are key to maximizing your own accomplishments.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
Your idea of fun has more to do with embroidery or repairing furniture than shaking your bootie. Taking on challenges doesn’t mean following a herd. Your friends love you as you are.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Reconciling family issues and sexual values is more complicated than hiding the “gay” when Mom comes to visit. When tempted to criticize relatives, try asking questions instead.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Dressing and acting like a martinet could start a hot scene in the bedroom; in real life it’s a turn-off. Keep your eyes and ears open; your words well-measured and discrete.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Sexual healing is real; shopping isn’t. Amorous adventures at least offer possible rewards along with the risk. Think ahead about your financial, spiritual and physical health in any event.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition August 19, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas

Starvoice • 03.25.11

By Jack Fertig

CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYAmySedaris_Born_13994096

Amy Sedaris turns 50 on Tuesday. There are so many things we love about Sedaris and it all starts with her creepily funny character Jerri Blank in Strangers With Candy. Her books are just as hilarious, whether collaborating with her brother David or on her own with 2010’s Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People.

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THIS WEEK

With Mercury turning retrograde in Aries, be careful of spontaneous speeches and actions. Mars conjunct Uranus makes it way too easy to leap before you look — metaphorically and literally. The good news is that mistakes and missteps will show up immediately. Be very ready to make corrections and apologies.

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PISCES Feb 19-Mar 19
Reconsider life’s priorities. Rude financial shocks should stimulate brilliant new ideas, although any new ideas now will need revision later. Stay patient.

ARIES Mar 20-Apr 19
You’re certain to make a fool of yourself one way or another, so lighten up and let yourself be in on the joke. While taking yourself too seriously is surely disastrous, do be serious about safety.

TAURUS Apr 20-May 20
You need to worry better. Get clear on what’s provoking your anxieties so you can resolve them once and for all. Resolution won’t come instantly, but insights now will prove helpful later.

GEMINI May 21-Jun 20
Arguments with friends are blamed on miscommunications. If you can’t patch things up now, a little time apart could be helpful. New friends could cause more confusion than they solve.

CANCER Jun 21-Jul 22
Anything you do will be observed. Consulting with your boss will help disperse any blame and make those mistakes more interesting. A good sense of humor will get you through.

LEO Jul 23-Aug 22
Only get into arguments if you want to be proven wrong. You could learn a great deal, but don’t jump on any bandwagons. Novel notions will require closer examination and corrections.

VIRGO Aug 23-Sep 22
Experimental sexual techniques will teach you more about what you don’t like than what you do. Scratch things off the list. Avoid anything risky for now. These are accident-prone times.

LIBRA Sep 23-Oct 22
Arguments and misunderstandings with your partner are expected. Every relationship has challenges. Breaking up now is a mistake. Committing to a new relationship now is a bigger one.

SCORPIO Oct 23-Nov 21
Moderation is the key to fitness. Pushing too hard will do harm. Take disruptions at work in a calm, even stride. Are you being fair to colleagues? Consider those problems now. Decide later.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 22-Dec 20
Daring gestures blow up in your face and creative efforts backfire. Stay in good humor and treat it all as a grand experiment. Learning what doesn’t work will serve you well in the future.

CAPRICORN Dec 21-Jan 19
Household accidents are likely. Write down and design any bright ideas you have, but review them next month before fiddling with wires.

AQUARIUS Jan 20-Feb 18
Your mouth is getting way ahead of your brain. Be very careful to converse only with people who aren’t easily offended. Writing is safer than talking —unless you’re worried about evidence.

Jack Fertig can be reached at 415-864-8302 or Starjack.com

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition March 25, 2011.

—  Kevin Thomas