From the files of emails I never sent

As I’ve mentioned in the past, I get lots of pitches sent my way. The most frequent, probably, are requests for book reviews. We can’t review everything of interest to the gay community anyway, so I am especially skeptical of ones that waste my time. This may have wasted it more than most:

While many are fighting for the separation of church and state, one man believes that secular humanism is the cause of the unraveling moral fabric of America. In his new book The Pagans Are Revolting, S. D. Lake advances the argument that secular beliefs and practices are eroding the fabric of American moral life and, in turn, destroying the nation itself. Can I send you a copy of The Pagans are Revolting?

I wrote a response, but for good or bad, I didn’t send it immediately. Not sure if I should. Here’s what I wrote:

As a pagan myself, what I find revolting is anyone who declares himself an expert on the moral fabric of anything other than himself. Church and state united creates a theocracy like in many right wing totalitarian regime. Tell your client to sell his brand of crazy to the ignorant masses. People who think for themselves don’t need his misinformed bullshit. So, to answer your question, that’s a no.

Whadaya think? Worth hitting send? Or a further waste of my time and the universe’s electrons?

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Break out the circumcision jokes

As the Life+Style editor here, I get a lot of pitches for stories. Lately, people have been really hawking the Bible (“Who was Moses?,” “How can we get kids to read the Bible more?”), but easily the oddest one today was this from the Jewish Community Center of Dallas, which is hosting a one-night-only performance of a comedy — yes, comedy — called Circumcise Me. OK, now the flier itself describes the show as “on the cutting edge” so they at least get the joke, but really? I mean, where can we go with this?

So I throw it out there to you: What are your favorite zingers to describe this kind of show? I’ll get us started: “Might as well bring your friends — after all, the mohel, the merrier”… or how about, “Four stars? I give it foreskins!” … or maybe, “A slice of life story.”

Let’s hear yours.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones