Oy to the World or Blue Suede Jews: Here’s my much-awaited annual ‘why I hate Hanukkah’ post

Now THAT’S a menorah!

Hanukkah is the least important holiday on the Jewish calendar. Funny, it’s the one everyone’s heard of.

Hanukkah is the only Jewish holiday based on a story we know is not true. Other stories may or may not be true, but this one we know is historical hooey.

Some other Jewish holidays also celebrate events: Passover — the escape of the Jews from Egypt including the parting of the Red Sea and the plagues; Purim — Queen Esther saved the Jews from the evil Haman when she told the king that if he killed all the Jews, he’d have to kill her as well because she, too, as Jewish; Shavuot — the giving of the law, when God gave Moses the Ten Commandments on Mount Sinai; Tisha B’Av — the destruction of the first and second temples. The two destructions may not have happened on the same dates, but there’s little question they were destroyed.

But Hanukkah and the myth of the oil? Never happened. Not even in someone’s drug-addled dreams.

The story was made up about 200 years later, which is probably the most interesting part of the Hanukkah story — but definitely not part of the holiday celebration.

—  David Taffet