We Do Not Live In a Gender-Equitable Society

You shoot like a girl
Man up, you pussy-asses

These are all things I heard said to men while I was in the military. They were all meant to be insulting and degrading to men by comparing the men to women. This is not a phenomenon unique to military service. Men in civilian life hear the same things.

I'm not going to go into a long dissection of what is and isn't sexist. Here in the Blend, we all are smart enough to realize that comparing a man to a woman is supposed to be insulting because in our society, woman are less than. Women are supposed to be weaker, inferior, our bodies meant to be pleasurable for men, either on display or in the bedroom. It's the same reason that gay men are so mocked in our society – by not “using” women, and by having sex with other men, they are considered to be at the same level as women, and therefore inferior to straight men. It's the same reason that transwomen are so vilified – by transitioning to female bodies, they are allowing themselves to become inferior. And what man in his right mind would do that?

Women are deemed inferior in our society. Misogyny is not over. This is not a hard concept to grasp.

Dan's comments comparing Harry Reid to a woman spoke volumes to me. Dan felt anger and contempt for Reid. He saw him as weak, as inferior, as less than. And Dan made the logical jump to comparing Harry Reid to a woman because of it. By comparing Harry Reid to a woman, Dan inferred that he also thinks of women as less than, at least in the sense that he has been acculturated to think so.

I'm sure that Dan is not, at heart, a misogynist. I've met Dan, I respect him, and would serve with him any day. But after hearing those words, I would do the same with Dan as I did with every NCO and officer who voiced such an opinion – I'd work my ass off to be twice as good as the men in my unit, and I would never truly trust those individuals. Because when you start out inferior, you have be better than everyone else just to catch up. You learn not to trust those who see you as an inferior, because you never know when they will knock you right back to the bottom of the heap no matter how good you are. Sexism, like every other prejudice, creates division, fear, and distrust. It has to stop.

In the end, this is not about Dan. This about the women Dan represents when he speaks as a leader of our movement. This is about the women Dan served with and led. This is about the women that Dan – and all men – interact with on a daily basis.

This is about women, and how the men in our movement need to help us, to be part of the solution to the problem of societal misogyny and ongoing gender inequity.


Note: In addition to the normal TOS rules, there is one more rule for this comment thread in particular: be supportive of women. Men do NOT have the right to tell us how to feel, either about Dan's poor choice of words, or our other experiences with sexism. One of the first things that privileged people do when confronted with an uncomfortable minority truth is to invalidate it, to pretend it didn't happen, or to say, “It couldn't possibly have been as bad as you think.” This is called erasure, and as LGBT people we are all quite familiar with it. Erasure is a tool used by sexists to shut women up, to invalidate us, to make our lives and concerns seem small, petty, unimportant. That also needs to stop, both within our movement, in the rank, and in society.

Pam’s House Blend – Front Page

—  admin

Watch: Iowa ‘Judge Bus’ Supporters Decry ‘Sodomy Marriage’ and ‘Disease-Carrying Nasty Threats to Society’


Check out a few interviews from the Courage Campaign's Iowa 'Judge Bus' tracker of Christian wingnut loonies outside various stops on the hate-a-palooza bus tour. 

Wingnuts If you're not familiar with what's happening in Iowa, check out a few of my previous links below.

According to an email provided to Towleroad by journalist Rex Wockner, from Justin Uebelhor, Director of Communications from gay rights group One Iowa:

"The latest poll results show the race deadlocked at 36-35, with still a large pool of undecideds. On one hand, this gives us confidence that things haven't moved much even after nearly 0,000 in ads. On the other hand, it worries us because there are often a block of voters who just vote no by default on retention races….We do feel the energy on our side is picking up with great attendance at our Homegrown Justice rallies to counter the NOM/FRC Judge bus. At many stops, we've outnumbered the opposition 2-1 – resulting in some good media coverage in each town."

Watch the wingnuts go crazy, AFTER THE JUMP

Watch: Iowa NOM Supporter Equates Gay Marriage to Goat Marriage [tr]
Guide to the Tube: Iowa 'Judge Bus' Bigot Edition [tr]
Anti-Gay Hate Groups Launch Bus Tour Targeting Pro-Equality Judges in Iowa [tr]
Marriage Equality Under Attack in Iowa on Eve of Bus Tour [tr]

Towleroad News #gay

—  admin

Audio: ‘It doesn’t matter what society does’ says duo that claims gays don’t matter in society

Tony Perkins is a man who tells church congregations that gays are being “held captive by the enemy,” who tells the military that the open service-supporting Commander in Chief is “willing to jeopardize our nation’s security to advance the agenda of the radical homosexual lobby,” and who daily says to the public, through his position as head of the conservative behemoth Family Research Council, that LGBT people should remain unequal, unprotected, and unworthy of a slice of America’s proverbial pie.

Peter Sprigg, FRC’s Senior Policy Fellow, has gone even further than Tony:

*SOURCE: Gays seek immigration reform [Medill Reports]


But don’t you DARE blame either of these two men for fostering the sort of world that causes gay people to internalize negative messages. You know, because it doesn’t matter what society does:

(click to play audio clip)

(Tony Perkins speaks first, Sprigg second)

*AUDIO SOURCE: Washington Watch Weekly [FRC]

Wash, wash, wash those hands of responsibility all you want, boys. Your heart, mind, and lips are all over the historical record.

Good As You

—  John Wright