Happy Rockin’ Rosh Hashanah Eve

Crappy wine is part of every Jewish celebration

Rosh Hashanah literally means Head (rosh) of the (ha) Year (shanah) or New Year. The holiday starts at sundown on Wednesday, Sept. 8 this year.

The holiday is celebrated on the first day of the month of Tishrei, the seventh month of the year on the Jewish calendar.

So what’s up with that crazy Jewish calendar? Well I thought I’d answer some questions you might have been too polite to ask in the most smart-ass, but accurate, way.

How do I wish someone a good holiday?

That’s the No. 1 I’m asked every year.

Right:

Happy holidays.

Happy New Year.

Happy Rosh Hashanah.

Have a good few days off! See you Monday!

Also appropriate:

Are you getting together with your family?

You going to Florida for a few days?

Tell me again, is this a happy holiday?

Doesn’t God frown on taking a cruise during the holidays rather than going to temple?

Wrong:

You god damn Jews get so many holidays. (However, that’s the one I’ve been greeted with many times by well-meaning … well, you know who you are).

—  David Taffet