Pet of the Week • 02.24.12

TOBY

PET.TobyToby is an adorable little terrier mix with a wiry cream-colored coat. He just loves people and is great with other small dogs. Toby is 8 months old and weighs 12 pounds.  This friendly fellow will make a loving, lifelong friend.

Toby and many other dogs, puppies, cats and kittens are available for adoption from Dallas Animal Services, 1818 N. Westmoreland at I-30, just minutes west of downtown Dallas. The shelter is open Monday-Saturday 11 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. and Sundays noon to 5 p.m. The regular adoption cost is $85 for dogs and $55 for cats, but discounts are offered for older animals and those in the shelter longer than 45 days and to senior citizens and those who adopt two animals at the same time. All dogs are negative for heartworms, and cats have been tested for FeLV and FIV. For more information, visit www.DallasAnimalServices.org or call 214-671-0249.

—  Kevin Thomas

Pet of the week • 01.27.12

Stewie

Pet.Stewie

Stewie

Stewie is a sweet brindle terrier mix who, despite the name, is a girl dog. She’s 11⁄2 years old and full grown at 42 pounds. Stewie is gentle, affectionate and eager to please. And because she’s been at Dallas Animal Services for more than 45 days, her adoption cost is just $42.50.

Stewie and many other dogs, puppies, cats and kittens are available for adoption from Dallas Animal Services, 1818 N. Westmoreland at I-30, just minutes west of downtown Dallas. The shelter is open Monday through Saturday from 11 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. The regular adoption cost is $85 for dogs and $55 for cats, but discounts are offered for older animals and those in the shelter longer than 45 days, and to senior citizens and those who adopt two animals at the same time. All dogs are negative for heartworms, and cats have been tested for FeLV and FIV.  For more information, visit www.DallasAnimalServices.org, or call 214-671-0249.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 27, 2012.

—  Kevin Thomas

Leaner & meaner

LLFist2011-rs
THE BITCH IS BACK | Lisa Lampanelli slimmed down, married up, adopted a dog and released an new DVD, ‘Tough Love,’ left. It’s almost enough to make her nice …. nah.

Insult comic Lisa Lampanelli loves the gays despite her slurs. And she thinks Bill Maher was right about Sarah Palin. Gotta love that

ARNOLD WAYNE JONES  | Life+Style Editor
jones@dallasvoice.com

Since she was last in Dallas almost two years ago, shock comic Lisa Lampanelli has become a changed person. She’s slimmer and no longer wears frilly petticoats. She settled down and married her boyfriend, and he’s — get this — not black. She’s adopted a Yorkshire terrier mix puppy. She appears on the way to blissful domesticity. In fact the last time we talked, she called me a “big dirty homo.” This time, she was nice.

All of which led us to wonder: Has Lisa Lampanelli gone soft?

No fuckin’ way.

In her latest comedy special, Tough Love, Lampanelli rails on the gays in her audience, calling them bun splitters, tush ticklers, fudge nudgers, semen demons and “David Archuletta.”

But the truth is, she is a softie — in her own way.

“I love the cornholers,” she says. “If you hate gays, get out — you’re not allowed to be my friend anymore. Without the gays, who would watch Bravo TV? Without the gays, who would run Bravo TV? Without the gays, who would say ‘Bravo!’?”

Screen shot 2011-04-28 at 3.54.09 PMBut married life — and quasi-parenthood (she adopted a puppy) — have brought out a different side to her.

“It’s hard to justify being ‘I was edgy and suddenly I’m transformed.’ But there’s enough crap that pisses me off every single day. What has softened me a little is we adopted this 7-lb. Yorkie. Jimmy brings him on stage and I turn into the biggest fag in the world. We named him Parker, after Sarah Jessica Parker because they’re both ugly-cute.”

One other thing: She’s beginning to develop a (gulp!) conscience.

“I don’t know what it is about aging, but I’ve begun to think, ‘Maybe I hurt her feelings —I hope not.’ I feel terrible if I make a joke about someone, like Sarah Jessica Parker, whose not an asshole but a really nice person.” She even met the Kardashians after mocking them for years, only to be charmed by them in person.

“They were so goddamn nice to me, it took me four years to work up the nerve to do jokes about them again,” she says.

Some celebs, though, she doesn’t worry about pissing off, as the closing “roast” on her comedy special will attest.

“I loved doing that,” Lampanelli says. “I had all these great jokes about all these idiots in the entertainment field — and I use that term loosely — that I would never get to do, so I just let loose.”

She had one of her most surreal experiences when she recently did The Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump with Jersey Shore’s Mike “The Situation” Sorentino, whose routine was such a bomb, you could hear crickets chirping.

Lisa-Lampanelli140“Did you see that train wreck?” she squeals. “You thought it was painful for you guys to watch? Imagine being there. It wasn’t fun to watch. It’s weird to watch somebody bomb, even if you don’t like that person. But what is stupid about him is, he’s so delusional he comes up to me  after and says, ‘That went pretty well, right?’”

Lampanelli has been on the receiving end of barbs for herself, and she admits the jokes can get brutal.

“It’s always a struggle. You get made fun of for certain categories — they never say unfunny or dumb because I’m clearly funny and really smart. For me, it’s fat and ugly. They will be like ‘that fat cunt’ unless I am a size 6. My favorite one ever was when Artie Lange was at his obese, ugliest worst and he said, ‘Someone came up to me and said, ‘Aren’t you Lisa Lampanelli?’”

It’s one reason she has no sympathy for Sarah Palin when Bill Maher called her a cunt.

“People are so fucking stupid,” she says with the decorum that has made her a hit at christenings and golden wedding anniversaries. “Choice of words is the most ridiculous thing to attack when we have freedom of speech. I hate the Westboro Baptist Church, but letting them have GodHates Fags.com allows me to do what I do. And Sarah Palin is a cunt, by the way. I’m just sad I didn’t get in more trouble when I called her a ‘retard producer.’”

The reason Lampanelli’s acts works is because she’s an equal opportunity offender. And that only works when people laugh at themselves.

“Hispanics in general are very much more open with a sense of humor about themselves than other groups. Gays are great, of course. A few Asians will laugh it up at gay and black jokes and then I say ‘chink’ and they say, ‘No, that’s going too far.’ The jokes I get in trouble for are autism and retarded kid jokes. But people have come to me to say, ‘My kid is autistic; thanks for including us.’ It’s the least form of prejudice. If you’re gonna make fun of blacks, Asians and gays, you gotta laugh at everybody.”

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition April 29, 2011.

 

—  Kevin Thomas

Pet of the Week: Nina

Nina was timid and did not want to interact with Operation Kindness staff or volunteers when she was first transferred to our shelter. With enough patience from everyone, she has started to trust humans. She is comfortable around other dogs and has recently started to walk well on a leash. Nina is a 4-month-old Manchester terrier mix that will be 25 to 35 pounds fully grown.

Many other great dogs and cats are available for adoption from Operation Kindness, located at 3201 Earhart Drive, 1 street south of Keller Springs and 2 blocks west of Midway Road, in Carrollton. The no-kill shelter is open 6 days a week: Monday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; closed Tuesday; Wednesday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; Thursday, noon to 8 p.m.; Friday, noon to 5 p.m.; Saturday, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Sunday, noon to 5 p.m. The cost is $110 for cats, $135 for kittens, $150 dogs over 1 year, and $175 for puppies. The adoption cost includes the spay/neuter surgery, microchipping, vaccinations, heartworm test for dogs, leukemia and FIV test for cats, and more. Those who adopt two pets at the same time receive a $20 discount. For more information, call 972-418-PAWS, or visit www.operationkindness.org.

—  John Wright

Pet of the Week: Tula

Tula is an adorable, 1-year-old, black-and-white female terrier mix. She is fully grown at 11 pounds. She is extremely sweet and loves to play ball. She has been spayed, received all her age-appropriate shots and has been microchippped.

Many other great dogs and cats are available for adoption from Operation Kindness, located at 3201 Earhart Drive, 1 street south of Keller Springs and 2 blocks west of Midway Road, in Carrollton. The no-kill shelter is open 6 days a week: Monday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; closed Tuesday; Wednesday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; Thursday, noon to 8 p.m.; Friday, noon to 5 p.m.; Saturday, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Sunday, noon to 5 p.m. The cost is $110 for cats, $135 for kittens, $150 dogs over 1 year, and $175 for puppies. The adoption cost includes the spay/neuter surgery, microchipping, vaccinations, heartworm test for dogs, leukemia and FIV test for cats, and more. Those who adopt two pets at the same time receive a $20 discount. For more information, call 972-418-PAWS, or visit OperationKindness.org.

—  John Wright

I have puppies on the brain today; you benefit

This morning I formally adopted my new dog, Gulliver, a lab/terrier mix who, at four months, is as gentle and well-behaved as my wily older dogs. This picture is Gulliver and me a few minutes ago — he already is more popular in the office than I am.

As any pet owner knows, once you get a new addition to the family, you become a bore — talking and thinking of nothing but your new four-legged companion. So when I had to leave him for a while today in the care of a colleague to attend the dedication of the Annette Strauss Artists Square, I ended up showing everyone I knew a picture of him (just like I did for you just now).

One friend I met at the dedication who I bored with assertions of his cuteness told me about a video called “dog prayer” that she thought I would enjoy. I did. So here it is. Keep in mind, I am not a religious person, but even I respect the devotion showed by this ol’ hound.

—  Arnold Wayne Jones

Pet of the week • 07.30.10

Yasmin and her friends came to Operation Kindness after a large animal seizure. She is a 4-year-old White/Brindle Terrier mix. Yasmin is friendly; she has a wonderful disposition, and gets along great with other dogs. Yasmin is timid of people but she will make a great pet for someone that is willing to give her the time and attention that she deserves.

Many other great dogs and cats are available for adoption from Operation Kindness, located at 3201 Earhart Drive, 1 street south of Keller Springs and 2 blocks west of Midway Road, in Carrollton. The no-kill shelter is open 6 days a week: Monday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; closed Tuesday; Wednesday, 3 p.m. to 8 p.m.; Thursday, noon to 8 p.m.; Friday, noon to 5 p.m.; Saturday, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.; and Sunday, noon to 5 p.m. The cost is $110 for cats, $135 for kittens, $150 dogs over 1 year, and $175 for puppies. The adoption cost includes the spay/neuter surgery, microchipping, vaccinations, heartworm test for dogs, leukemia and FIV test for cats, and more. Those who adopt two pets at the same time receive a $20 discount. For more information, call 972-418-PAWS, or visit www.operationkindness.org.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition July 30, 2010.

—  Kevin Thomas