Femme vs. Butch

Does your car have an identity that mirrors yours? Or maybe it complements it? We parse the gender roles of the Jeep Compass and the Ford Raptor

CASEY WILLIAMS  | Auto Reviewer
crwauto@aol.com

Boys wear all kinds of swimwear: Cute little square-cut briefs are perfect for showing off around the pool, but manly men prefer board shorts when sail boarding or tubing the Guadalupe River. Some square cuts even have belts to look like real shorts.

While it might be sexy to imagine those little patches of Spandex being ripped off a ripped guy, most of us prefer a little more robust coverage when engaging in robust activities.

It’s the same for 4×4 vehicles. So we compared two: One a bit femme (the Jeep Compass) the other overtly butch (the Ford F-150 SVT Raptor). Like those swim trunks, they are cut from entirely different cloth. But you can still look damn good sporting them whatever you decide. Dare to compare.

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Number of portals:
Compass: With 5, handily wins the “my doors are greater than yours” competition with prissy ease.
Raptor: 4. In manly fashion, takes the position that it’s not the number of doors you have, but what you do with them. Anyway, fewer places to enter is totally a guy thing.

Toughest journey:
Compass: Grandma’s garden.
Raptor: Baja 1000.

Claim to fame:
Compass: Trail Rated, like a preppie in Birkenstocks.
Raptor: Most powerful half-ton truck you can get, sporting studs.

Signature color:
Compass: Blackberry Pearl Coat —way too pretty to be a cowboy.
Raptor: The Ingot Silver Metallic with Molten Orange Interior spanks you until you hurt.

Tire diameter:
Compass: I’ve seen bigger.
Raptor: A ravaging 35 inches, baby!

Favorite “extra:”
Compass: Flip-down tailgate speakers for that all-night rave.
Raptor: Trailer brake controller helps give your toy a tug.

Towing capacity:
Compass: 2,000 lbs. — and look at those soft hands!
Raptor: Four tons — that’s 8,000 lbs., Mary.

MPGs:
Compass: A fuel-efficient 22/28-MPG, like a club queen thriving on lettuce.
Raptor: With a fuel-guzzling 12/16-MPG, this ride says, “Fork over the protein and keep it coming, beeyotch.”

Horsepower/cylinders:
Compass: 172 horses from an inline 4. But who’s counting?
Raptor: 411 from a V8 … because most men do.

Birthdate:
Compass: 2006, and just got its first facelift.
Raptor: 1948 — fuzzy bears only look hotter with age.

Base price:
Compass: At $19,295, doesn’t really perform, but it’s a cheap date.
Raptor: $38,515, because this trick don’t put out for nothing.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition June 17, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens