All I want for Christmas …

World peace, a new leather jacket and a healthy dose of resoluteness top this list of Christmas wishes

Hardy Haberman
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I received a most unusual early Christmas gift from a couple of dear friends. It is a Christmas ornament, and what makes it unusual is the subject matter: It features a very bearish traditional Santa bent down on one knee smiling broadly. Nothing out of the ordinary as far as ornaments go, except that he is holding a tiny baby Jesus in swaddling clothes.

Say what?

This strange, mixed-up ornament really is meant to hearken back to one Christmas Eve when we were driving around looking at lights and decorations in Highland Park. There on Beverly Drive was a full-blown nativity with shepherds, wise men, Mary, Joseph and — you guessed it — Santa Claus!

Theologically as well as historically, this just offended my sense of style. Talk about mixing your metaphors! But I guess I should expect it in the rich hole of the donut that is Dallas.

Santa, in the popular imagination, is that jolly fellow who brings you everything your heart desires, especially if you are well-heeled. According to a lot of folks who ascribe to the “prosperity gospel,” he’s a lot like Jesus: If you are good you succeed and if not, well you must have done something wrong to keep you off the “A” list.

It’s no wonder kids grow up confusing the two figures, and in fact, I suspect a lot of kids would much rather have a visit from the Jolly Old Elf than the Prince of Peace.

And that brings me to my point: As we bustle about helping to fuel our slow economic recovery, it’s a good time to take stock of what is really important in your lives.

I have a tradition in which I make a list of what I would ask for each Christmas if I could have anything in the world. Funny thing is, it sounds a lot like a Miss America acceptance speech.

“World peace” is always at the top of the list, followed by a lot of other altruistic wishes before I get down to me.

Now I say this not to claim any moral high ground, for I suspect my list would look a lot like most folks to a point. Oh, my list includes lots of things like a gym membership (that I will use), a new leather jacket to replace the one that has become worn and ratty. It also includes that one thing that doesn’t cost a penny: resoluteness.

I want to remain active and engaged and continue to have fixity of purpose. I want to remain somewhat altruistic when cynicism threatens to get the best of me, to be able to look at silly things and not take them too seriously.

I want to be able to listen to politicians and pundits and not lose faith that I can still make a difference, to be able to write this and not dismiss it as a load of sentimental tripe.
Seriously, what more could anyone ask than that?

It’s not a big deal, just some little purpose that keeps me going and fires my spirit. Now wouldn’t that would be a really nice gift to find under your tree?

Hardy Haberman is a longtime local LGBT activist and a board member of the Woodhull Freedom Alliance. His blog is at DungeonDiary.blogspot.com.

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 23, 2011.

—  Michael Stephens

Screw world peace. Miss New York is for the gays

Miss New York Claire Buffie

Claire Buffie was crowned Miss New York and will compete in the Miss America pageant. Her platform, “Straight for Equality: Let’s Talk,” makes her the first contestant to compete using an LGBT rights statement.

She won’t win. Miss New York never does. Not anymore.

The Miss America competition began in 1933. The first Miss New York to be crowned Miss America was Bess Myerson in 1945. She refused to change her name and sponsors pulled out because Myerson is Jewish. Miss America didn’t make that mistake again.

Thirty years later, Miss New York Tawny Godin became Miss America in 1975. During her reign, she admitted she smoked pot. The pageant couldn’t wait till that year was over. Honesty is definitely not a Miss America virtue and they didn’t make that mistake again.

Then in 1983, Vanessa Williams became the third and final Miss New York to become Miss America. Toward the end of her reign, nude pics emerged and the most talented winner in the pageant’s history also became its only titleholder to be forced out. Swimsuit competition aside, we know Miss America is definitely not about sex.

A year or two later, Miss New York was a student from my college. She said that the judges asked everyone else an insipid question whose answer could have been the well-rehearsed, “World peace.” Then they asked her, “What is your position on abortion?” Her answer might as well have been, “What the fuck?” She said she knew she was out of the competition before a word came out of her mouth.

And Miss New York will not win again. Ever.

Rarely, to make the competition not look rigged, a Miss New York makes it into the top 10. Once, a few years ago, even the top three. But really, isn’t Miss Mississippi so much safer?

So Buffie is really taking no chances when she makes LGBT rights her platform. In fact, she’s smart to set herself apart and use those New York-o-phobes at the pageant to her own advantage.

Myerson went on to a career as a game show panelist in the ’50s and ’60s and became New York’s Commissioner of Consumer Affairs. Godin married Dukes of Hazzard star John Schneider and had something of a TV and film career herself. And Williams is most recently a Desperate Housewife. The three are among the most successful winners in the pageant’s history.

We love our bold allies and Buffie is the first contestant to ever take a stand for gay equality. We wish her luck.

—  David Taffet

Twitteresolutions

We look at 2011 resolutions through the eyes (and tweets) of queer celebs

We know celebrities are busy, but somehow they are never too busy to pop out a tweet. Whether it’s to promote world peace, equal rights or simply themselves, celebs know the power of a good Twitter feed.
We scoured the feeds of various LGBT celebs and allies to see what they have in mind for 2011. Some started their 140-character resolutions for the New Year. Others, well, haven’t. That didn’t stop me from re-imagining some of their older tweets from December (minus any accompanying tiny URLs), nor did it stop me from either replying (@celeb) or retweeting (RT) from my own feed (indicated under theirs in italics). Because you know they’ll read it — or at least the person they’ve hired to manage it will (@theellenshow).
— Rich Lopez (@GetRichinDallas)

Twitter-images
TWEETS FOR 2011 | Queer celebs who gave us some 140-character food for thought while beginning the new year include, Margaret Cho, Cazwell, Jay Brannan, Queen Latifah, Reichen Lehmkuhl, Kathy Griffin and Chely Wright.

JAY BRANNAN, orally gifted indie movie actor and musician (@Jaybrannan)
My NewYear’s res for2010 was2have a bf by the end of the year. Fail. I give up. In 2011 I accept I will
b alone4ever. Just me n the Griffins.
@jaybrannan There’s probably a song in there somewhere. #justsaying

CAZWELL, sexy musician and viral video hunk (@Cazwellnyc)
Thanks to everyone that gave me bong smoking advice. Too bad I’m too faded to follow any of them.
Did @xMileyCyrus offer any suggestions RT @Cazwellnyc Thanks to everyone that gave me bong smoking advice…

CHELY WRIGHT, recently outed country singer (@Chelywright)
Faith in America invites Christian university to join public dialogue about religion-based bigotry toward
gay [students]
@chelywright I totally mentioned this like you asked in my article. But you couldn’t get me in to Black Tie? #burn #ouch

CHI CHI LARUE, porn director and spin doctor (@DJChiChiLaRue)
@GetRichinDallas I will try to curb my shopping addiction in 2011 And try not to fall in drag!
@DJChiChiLaRue Just keep bringing back those hot porn boys of yours. Better yet, bring the daddies! #beefcakediet

REICHEN LEHMKUHL, perennial reality TV personality and putative A-lister (@ReichenLehmkuhl)
In honor of ArmPit Wednesday (which I am officially starting right now).
@ReichenLehmkuhl Um, not sure how A-list ArmPit Wed is. Aren’t those gays supposed to be kinda pristine. Fetish boys don’t seem the show’s type. #justsaying

JUDY TENUTA, strange comedian and self-appointed love goddess (@JudyTenuta)
I plan 2 get arrested 2 get a show. Hard cuz I’m law-abiding citizen. A sex video? Or I’ll gain 500 lbs 2 b on Biggest Loser. #comeback
@JudyTenuta Please use the big hunky guy from your @LadyGaga spoof in your sex video.
#beefcakediet

QUEEN LATIFAH, rap artist and Oscar nominated actress (@IAmQueenLatifah)
Happy Sunday. Cleaning out my closet. I have so many great things for people in need. Somebody is about to come up!
@IAMQUEENLATIFAH Come up? Girl, don’t you mean come out? #typo

ANDERSON COOPER, silver fox news hunk and Kathy Griffin New Year’s Eve sidekick
(@Anderson cooper)
I threw out my back working out. An old spine injury that has flared up. I can walk but it hurts a lot.
I’m getting old.
I know that feeling! #hayyyyy RT @andersoncooper I can walk but it hurts a lot.

KATHY GRIFFIN, Emmy-winning D-lister and lover of “her gays” (@Kathygriffin)
Live on CNN w Anderson Cooper. How gorgeous is YOUR date?RT @OkKaiser: @kathygriffin, what’s ur New Years Eve plans? #CNN
@kathygriffin Not sure if @andersoncooper can still be your date. He “threw his back out.”
#newyearseve

MARGARET CHO, queermedian and failed Bristol Palin dance rival (@Margaretcho)
There’s something about a bidet that is so invigorating and soothing. Instead of coffee — wash your hole!!
@margaretcho Thought you said wash your hole with coffee. Taking this off my resolutions
#scaldedlining

This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition December 31, 2010.

—  Kevin Thomas