So maybe I’m not the best one to offer relationship advice, but in this case, I think I can help.
On the Today Show Thursday morning, Kiri Blakeley promoted her new book, Can’t Think Straight. Here’s NBC’s promo for the segment:
Kiri Blakeley, whose memoir “Can’t Think Straight” describes the shock she experienced when she learned her fiance of 10 years was secretly pursuing relationships with men, tells Meredith Vieira that she “couldn’t get as angry” as she would have if he’d been having an affair with a woman.
Let’s start with “fiance of 10 years.” Really? After 10 years, she thought they were getting married soon?
In the video, she said her fiance didn’t fit any of the stereotypes of what a gay man should be, so she didn’t know. Really? In this day and age you think gay men only fit stereotypes?
But what clues might she have picked up on? They weren’t having much sex anymore. They weren’t seeing each other as much anymore (because he’s spending time with his boyfriend). They weren’t having much sex anymore. And the biggest clue? They weren’t having much sex anymore.
A recent study at University of Texas found that 50 percent of men would take back their girlfriends if she had an affair with another woman. Only 21 percent of women would take back their boyfriends if they had affairs with other men.
Probably the men would take back their girlfriends because two women having sex is a common heterosexual fantasy. The women are more practical. Chances are if a man is having sex with other men, he’s coming out.
Conversely, 28 percent of women would stick with their boyfriends who had a heterosexual affair but only 22 percent of men would stick with a girlfriend who had a heterosexual affair.
Of course, just because someone tries sex with a member of the same sex doesn’t make that person gay or lesbian. But if they’re having an ongoing relationship with a member of the same sex, it usually does mean they’re gay, lesbian or bisexual.
But here’s my real relationship advice to Blakeley and anyone else who wants advice from someone who’s really bad at relationships. If you’ve been engaged for 10 years, the relationship’s not going anywhere. If you haven’t moved in with each other and your sex life is already diminishing (as Blakeley admits on Today), the relationship is really, really not going anywhere. It won’t get better if you marry.