We watch Pat Robertson so you don’t have to

Posted on 03 Mar 2015 at 12:29pm
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Pat Robertson

While no one will argue the fact that Pat Robertson hasn’t been dealing with a full deck for years, the LGBT community feels it’s been a special target of the televangelist’s wrath. After all, he’s the one that pioneered the idea that the gays cause hurricanes, earthquakes, Sept. 11, tsunamis and other natural disasters.

Turns out Robertson is an equal opportunity lunatic. Here’s some of the nonsense he’s been spouting over the past few days.

You are addicted to vegetables

“Cocaine is the product of a vegetable, alcohol is the product of a vegetable, marijuana is a vegetable, and yet, people are enslaved to vegetables. And you were made in the image of God. God made you in his image to reign and rule with him. He gave you incredible authority. Why would you become a slave to a vegetable? Why? Why would you do it? Your slavery to vegetables, he can set you free.” (Robertson on The 700 Club on March 2.)

Not every sweater from Goodwill has demons in it

“I heard a story in, I believe, the Philippines a person went to Thailand, there was a witch who had prayed over a particular ring. And asked for a spirit to come into it. Well this Philippine girl was so attached to this ring, she had to buy it and all hell broke loose until she finally recognized? So, can demonic spirits attach themselves to inanimate objects, the answer is yes. But I don’t think every sweater you get from Goodwill has demons in it,” Robertson told his audience last week.

Yoga makes you pray to a Hindu god

“Along with yoga they have a mantra, and the mantra you say is in Hindu — You don’t know what the Hindu says, but actually it’s a prayer to a Hindu deity and so it sounds like gibberish. So you’re saying ‘kali, kali, kali,’ but you’re praying to a Hindu deity and you don’t want your daughter in that. Stretching exercise is cool, praying to a Hindu deity is not too cool,”  Robertson warned his viewers.

God doesn’t want people to go to Mars

“This planet [Earth] is where God has got an experiment in what he wants to have accomplished, but somehow, people want to spend a lot of money to go to Mars! I don’t think that Mars is someplace I want to visit, and it would take a lot of money to get there, but nevertheless, our government, our NASA, is exploring new horizons,” Robertson said.

Last month, Jimmy Kimmel collected some of his favorite gems:

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