Dame Edna offers North Texans more agony advice
Do you remember where you were when you heard that Lee Harvey Oswald shot John F. Kennedy?
Oh, I was so young. So very, very young. What was I doing? I don’t remember. But isn’t that were the Book Depository is? Perhaps Mr. Bush can unload his library there?
When you visit North Texas where Spanish is practically Texas’ official language how do you think the Spanish-speaking leaf blowers should welcome you?
Well, they could form a little leaf-blowing parade. They could stand in a lovely line, holding their blowers and make a beautiful arch. I think we might get in trouble if we talk about this.
My friend Selma [Hayek] might attack me again.
Some of your gay fans say that you do not select them as audience participants because they might outsmart you on one-liners.
No, I don’t select them. Because they’re too eager some of them. They’re sitting there bobbing around in they’re seats wanting to leap on the stage. And what they tend to do which is most irritating is stand up usually together at once. You get two hairdressers standing up, and they call out “We love you, Edna.” To which I genuinely reply, “Well, I don’t love you. I hardly know you. But if I did get to know you, I might quite like you. That’s as far as I’m prepared to go.” They think I’m Liza half the time.
Actually, Daniel, I need your advice. In memory of my late husband, Norm, I am and I’ve been planning this a long time creating the world’s first Prostate Olympics. And the Prostate Olympics is for prostate sufferers and for friends of the prostate. And it’s going to be a big one. I’m also building a theme park called Prostate World, and this is a scoop for you. Dallas wants it cited in Dallas. It will be an enormous prostate with lots of facilities families are going to go there, there will be bowling allies, pizzerias, yellow-water rafting. And all together, it’s going to be a big event the world’s first urological playground.
What year are the Prostate Olympics are they going to compete with the China Olympics?
No we can’t overlap.
Daniel A. Kusner