We’ve been expecting y’all.
So in 2008, Dallas Voice asked our queer-friendly celebs for suggestions:
How should Big D’s gay community greet our new neighbors?
Margaret Cho: "Have a rave? No, wait. You should have a T-dance — that wonderful gay phenomenon. Have ‘The 4 p.m. George Bush Moves to Dallas T-dance:’ a joyous celebration — just because he’s not in office anymore. As long as he’s in Dallas, he’s not in Washington. And that’s awesome."
Kathy Griffin: "How about egging and TP-ing his house?
Isn’t that amazing that now we can joke about toilet papering and throwing eggs at George Bush’s house? It wasn’t that long ago that Natalie Maines was crucified for saying what — that she was ashamed that the president was from Texas?
We’ve come a long way — and I feel sorry for my Dallas gays that he’s moving there."
Andy Bell: "I suppose he has to move somewhere. Hopefully, the gays in Dallas will do their Christian duty and show George tolerance and forgiveness," Bell laughs.
"Sometimes I’m so nice I make myself sick But I can’t help it."
Hal Sparks: "He’s probably going to be hanging around the bars all the time. So I say, confuse him — and bring him muffins.
And be nice: He’s connected to the worst killers in the world.
Treat him like you’d treat Al Capone — ignore or give him gifts. Those are your only safe zones."
Wanda Sykes: "It should be gay Pride every day in Dallas. Have a parade every day — and make sure the route stops in front of his new house."
Jeffree Starr: "Dallas’ gay community should …. [Dallas Voice cannot publish Star’s response because it’s a federal offense to even joke about threatening the president’s life].
It’s very winter — or so Vogue said."
Ross Mathews: "I’ve spent the last eight years being angry at Bush. When he leaves the White House, he’s going to have to go out and face the world with this legacy for what he’s done. And now, I actually feel sorry for him.
You know that George and Laura are going to need a decorator. I would so love for all the gay decorators in Dallas to band together and just do something atrocious. And have them tell Laura how fabulous it is — even though it’s horrible.
Do everything in different variations of plaid, just to screw up their house.
The man has done enough to screw up our lives. Let’s mess with him for a bit."
This article appeared in the Dallas Voice print edition January 16, 2009.