Dear Candy,
I’ve lived with family for the past five years. I make enough money through both of my part-time jobs to pitch in for groceries, and I have fun with some of my best friends almost every weekend.
But I feel lost. The fun is empty a lot of the time. There are so many times I leave my wallet at home out of insecurity for a lack of steady pay.
So many of my friends from high school have completed college and started lives, careers and families, while I’m hesitant to finish college, since I still don’t know what I even want to major in.
How do you figure out what to do with the rest of your life?
— Lost
Dear Lost,
I can hear the confusion in your letter. You start out describing how well your life works for you then immediately follow with how empty your life feels. There is no crystal ball to guide you. But there are ways you can find your path.
One way is to take an Interest Inventory Test. These tests are administered in community colleges and universities. A guidance counselor will go over the results with you to show you what careers people with similar test results as yours are in.
Talking to a guidance counselor about not knowing what to major in can help you find ways to continue toward some degree.
Another way to find direction is to talk to your friends about their journey of finding their paths.
Listening to your friends’ stories can give you direction and inspiration.
You are not afraid of hard work. I can see this because you work two jobs. My advice to you is to get back in school. Get a degree.
There are more people than not whose career is not what they had planned. But their degree opened the door to their future.
Good luck, Candy
Dear Candy,
My husband works at home, and thankfully works so well he can support myself and my two children without either of us having to leave our youngest’s side. It took a while for us to agree upon me going full “stay-at-home parent” for the sake of not putting our child in daycare. But for the last few years, I’ve wanted the freedom to work some kind of part-time job and have additional income for myself and some ambition for me to get out of the house more. I love being a mother and a wife, but I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought about severing all of that just to pursue something solely for me and to fuel what little ambition I have left.
What should I do?
— When is it My Turn?
Dear When,
First, let me commend you for being in touch with how you feel and what you want. You feel frustrated with being at home all day every day. You want more for yourself — more stimulation and money that is just for you.
With a couple, when plans are made and deals are struck it’s important to remember these plans and to remember that deals are open to growth and change. You are not the same person you were five years ago. Neither are your husband and children. The deal needs to be renegotiated with fresh eyes.
Tell your husband your dreams. You want to reach your potential not only as a wife and mother, but also as an individual. He wants you to reach your dreams, too. He just needs to hear how you can reach your dreams and be happy at home, too.
A Gottman couples counselor can help the two of you communicate, find ways to reach your dreams and find happiness together. Go make an appointment.
— Good luck, Candy
