Rep. Phil Jensen

A bill to expand the definition of justifiable homicide was scheduled to be debated in the South Dakota House of Representatives today. The proposal is to allow murder if it happened while resisting an attempt to harm a fetus.

Supporters say the bill would prevent harm to the unborn, according to the Rapid City Journal. Unfortunately, harm will probably come to the born.

“This is a bill that will provide self-defense for the unborn child,” said Rep. Phil Jensen, the bill’s Republican sponsor.

Well, not really — not unless the fetus has a weapon or knows karate, since self-defense is when people protect themselves. Should a gun-toting fetus practice self-defense, chances are the mother would be severely injured, unless the fetus has learned to shoot directly out the vagina. Jensen didn’t say whether the bill includes finding new parents for the newly orphaned infant.

Another one of the bill’s supporters said it has nothing to do with killing abortion providers. He said it has to do with protecting fetuses from assault. However, other states that want to protect fetuses have enacted penalty enhancements for crimes against pregnant women. This law makes it justifiable homicide to kill someone attacking the fetus, but does not mention protecting the mother.

In all cases involving the murder of an abortion provider, the defense has included justifiable homicide to protect the life of the fetus.

In related news, international scholar and policymaker Justin Bieber weighed in on abortion and rape.

“I really don’t believe in abortion. It’s like killing a baby?” he said. Or was he asking because he really didn’t know.

On rape, he wasn’t quite sure either.

“Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason,” he said. “I don’t know how that would be a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.”

Advice to Justin. Talk about your music. Talk about your movies and TV appearances. When a dopey reporter asks you about your views on rape or abortion or anything else, look that jerk in the face and tell him you’d rather just talk about your Grammy. And if anyone from the South Dakota House of Representatives calls to ask for your input, hang up.

Oh, and stay in school. Please.